In With Bacchus

Steam Holiday Sales

2011-12-30T13:14:00.000-05:00

I'm sure, by this point, you know how much I love to play video games. There is nothing better in this world than a LAN party. Few things equal sitting down with a tall glass of good whisk(e)y and some Skyrim. I'm not afraid to say it. I'm a gamer. Wannafightaboutit?

Unfortunately, games cost money. Well, legitimate games cost money and I'm a man of the law. You should know this because I never buy Cuban products. Ever. While I make a solid amount at Tuthilltown, most of it goes to ancillary bills and related costs. Seriously, gas is so damn expensive. What's the deal with that? They're just decayed dinosaurs. Let's compress some garbage and make more oil. Problem solved.

Anyway, Steam has decided to royally screw with me for not just a few days but, like, two solid weeks. The Steam Holiday Sales cause much strife to my wallet so I have decided to do something about it. If you don't follow me on Twitter, awhile back, while I was writing my thesis, I would write people 1000 word stories provided they gave me the first sentence and an email to send it to. I would do this for free because I love you. And people really enjoyed their stories. Here is an example of one of the stories I wrote:

    He knew they were in trouble when he found out the penguins had got into the whiskey. The long days guarding the penguin pen from inquisitive children and particularly light-fingered teens had taken their toll on him. It was a bottle of blended scotch he kept in the feeding room, tucked behind some of the multiple buckets they usually filled with herring to throw at the little bastards. He didn’t even care if it smelled like fish when he drank it. But now the cat was out of the bag. And in the stomach of a dozen penguins.
    It was our job to do clean-up on this. Shannon has a degree in Marine Biology which, frankly, means she‘s frighteningly overqualified for this kind of grunt work. I went to college for a degree in English. That’s how I ended up being a professional penguin wrangler. You wouldn’t think that twenty years after I proudly exclaimed, at three years old, that I would be a scientist that you’d find me standing knee deep in water in a penguin habitat. I think Shannon only does it because she likes to watch them waddle. The water was frigid and smelled like decomposing fish and I‘m really regretting my life choices. But I had an apartment that required rent and a belly that constantly required food. So here I am, wrangling penguins.
    Normally, it’s not too hard to wrangle penguins. There’s a variety of tricks you can use to lure them into the cages they transport them to the vets in. A tried and true method, as cartoony as it sounds, is a fish on a stick. Penguins love fish and aren’t known for their agility on land. You just have to slowly amble along slightly faster than those little tuxedo’d wretches, holding out that stick, and they’d plod their way into the cage after awhile. The other method is a bit more tricky. Catching a penguin is no small feat. They may not be fast on land but they’re slippery little devils and, once the get into the water, it’s nigh impossible to catch one of them. At that point you just have to wait for them to tire out and nab them when they pass out. But drunk penguins…
    I’m wading around in the water trying to get these drunken little buffoons to swim in Shannon’s general direction so she can catch them with a pool skimmer. They’re amazingly drunk and are having a hard time not just swimming straight but thinking straight as well. Two of them are in the corner, fighting over absolutely nothing. Another one is just standing at the glass wall, staring at the children who are laughing at what must be the best day of their young lives. Two grown adults, chasing after penguins. A child’s dream come true.
    I catch one as it wobbles around like a poorly made top. It flops around like a beached fish and I put it into the cage. Behind me, I hear another penguin throw up. I didn’t know penguins could throw up. Did you? Well, they can. And the smell of scotch soaked fish is not a pleasant one. The zookeeper tells me that the bottle fell into a bucket of fish early last night after closing and the fish marinated in their ethanol bath overnight. The smell of the fish covered the alcohol and, after morning breakfast, there were some mighty inebriated penguins. Another penguin swims close to me and, by sheer luck, I scoop it out of the water and put it into a cage. It stares at me with it’s beady little eyes. If it could, it would try to fight me with a broken bottle. I can see it.
    Hour after painful hour we spend in that enclosure, pursuing our little web-footed prey. You’d think you’d catch one but the water slicked skin would just bounce off your rubber gloves. You’d get them cornered and they’d panic like sheep, bolting in different directions and it would be back to trying to corral them again. The last one just gave up. I’m pretty sure it was hung over. It laid down on the ground and just let us pick it up. I kind of felt sorry for it. After I put it into the last cage, the zookeeper came over and heartily clapped us on the back. He handed us our check and we went back to the truck. I pulled off the rubber gloves and looked at the check. $150.

I’m going back to school.

So yeah. Now, thanks to Steam (blame them), I gotta charge $5 for 'em. So follow me on Twitter because that's where the magic happens. Whenever the Steam Holiday Sales for the day come out (usually at 1pm EST), I take a look through them. If there's some games I want, I calculate how many stories it'll cost and I'll put a post up on Twitter. Probably on Facebook too. You message me / DM me the first line of the story and an email to send it to. I send you my Paypal email (hint: its my Contact email). I write a 1000 word story in about a half hour based on the first sentence. You get literary gold (I guess?) and I get vidja games. Everybody wins. So stay tuned.

Science of Wood Maturation

2011-12-11T14:31:00.001-05:00

This has been a long time coming, I'll admit. And it's not that I've been putting it off, per se. It's just that it's a huge topic to broach. The science behind wood maturation is the last bastion of scientific advancement, the last frontier, of distilling science research. Even to this point, there are men and women far my superior that still don't know how reactions take place within the barrel. Me, I'm just going by what I've learned from school, good old fashioned hands-on work, and some linking of things. But, since it has been so heavily requested, I present to you:

The In With Bacchus Guide On: The Science of Wood Maturation

Wood maturation has been done, on purpose, for hundreds of years to improve taste and flavor of spirit. Realistically, probably at about the mid to late 1600s. Aging spirit really began as a happy coincidence. In the early days, most places and people preferred their spirit straight off the still. The Glenlivet that King George IV drank in Edinburgh (at that time an illicit liquor made in the hills and dales of Scotland) probably wasn't aged. At that point, distilling wasn't entirely about flavor and, hell, not even really about getting loaded. It was about not wasting things. It was easier to transport porcelain/clay jugs of new make than the equivalent acreage of barley to market. The container didn't really mean much, it was just a means of transportation. With the inception of long distance shipping (read: wooden ships) and the need for more sturdy (read: wooden) containers, barrels came into usage. Even then it was a matter of shipping and storage rather than flavor. But once barrels that had sat, slowly rocking below the decks of a ship as it sailed about Europe, people began to realize: "Wow, this tastes better." At that point, putting spirit into casks was a matter of not just necessity but of choice. Not only did it hold up under duress and travel much better but you got a tastier product out of it to boot. Everybody wins! But even though we've been intentionally putting spirit into barrels since, as said, about the dawn of the 18th century...we still didn't know WHY it was doing what it was doing. It wasn't really until the last hundred years and the advancement of analytical methodology have we discovered what happens in a cask. And we still only have an overview; a lot of the chemistry is a mystery.

What we HAVE discovered is that aging spirits can be broken down into three categories, all ending with "-tion": extraction, reaction, and interaction. Let's get to it, shall we?

Extraction: This has to deal with the wood in a two-fold manner. To start, let's go back to the major basics and start with cellular level chemical make-ups. For us humans, our cells have what's known as a cell membrane, shown below:

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Ignore the stuff on the top, what we want is the thing in the center. Technically the photo isn't an ACTUAL cell membrane (it's missing some parts) but it's the important part of the cell membrane: the phospholipid bilayer. It's made up of phospholipids, or long chain fats with a phosphorous atom on the end. The phosphorous is very hydrophilic, it LOOOVES water because of it and water are polar ions. The fats are hydrophobic; they HAAAAATE water because they're non-polar and water's polar. So they arrange so that the phosphorous is on the outside, near the water and the fats are on the inside. As you can see, the non-polar fats stick together on the inside (since there's water on the inside and outside of the cell) so it forms this dual layered membrane. Keep this in mind. It's
important later.

Plant cells are different. Plant cells have a cell wall, shown below:

Courtesy of the University of Georgia.

It's made up of different stuff. No fats for these babies. What gives plants rigidity and strength is their cell wall, made up of a composition of long-chain sugars. As you can see in the above photo, the cell wall is made up of three things: cellulose, hemicellulose, and lignin. These are where we want to focus our attention.

Trees are plants so the rigidity of a barrel comes from its cell walls. Cell walls are comprised of about 45% cellulose, 30% lignin, 15% hemicellulose, and 10% other extractables. Toasting and charring the wood break down that cellulose and hemicellulose by severing bonds in them and breaking them down into smaller chain sugars that will dissolve into the spirit with time. The most quickly taken up are arabinose and glucose with fructose and xylose trailing in terms of uptake time in 55% spirit. Some of these will also breakdown into furan products (like furfural, which gives whiskey a nutty flavor). What primarily adds flavor, however, is the lignin. Lignin will break down (both by heating and by ethanolysis) into aromatic aldehydes (syringaldehyde, sinapaldehyde, coniferaldehyde, vanillin) and their counterpart acids (syringic acid, synapic acid, ferulic acid, vanillic acid). Depending on the level of toasting/charring, phenolics will be derived from the lignin as well and taken up by the ethanol. These are your guaiacyl and syringyl phenols that will give toasty, smokey flavors.

Reaction: The reaction phase deals with evaporation and chemical reactions but this is where things kinda get weak. We know that there's a lot of chemical processes going on in the barrel but we don't really know all of it (or at least I don't). But what I do know is this. For evaporation, there is both evaporation of positive and negative attributed chemicals. For the negative aspect, the release of the polymethyl sulfides (dimethylsulfide, trimethylsulfide) that is commonly attributed to a “sulfur” smell and taste in new make evaporates. However, here is evaporation of “good” chemicals as well such as acetaldehyde, ethyl hexanoate, and acetic acid (however, the acetaladehyde / acetic acid levels are generally in equilibrium throughout maturation, meaning that the overall level upon disgorging the cask is similar to that at the very beginning). Within the reaction phase is also the aforementioned oxidation of components. Two of the key oxidation / acetal formation reactions within the cask is the transformation of acetaldehyde and acetic acid from the ethanol within the spirit. Also, the formation of dimethyl sulfoxide from dimethylsulfide (which, once again, limits the sulfur content of the final spirit). There is also esterification reactions within the barrel, such as the formation of ethyl acetate from the previously mentioned acetic acid (it can also be extracted from the wood itself as opposed to reaction with ethanol). There is also the reaction of ethanol with the aromatic aldehydes. The presence of many hydroxyl (OH) groups, afforded by the ethanol, will cause breakdowns in the aldehydes to their constituent acids and even further down the reaction chain. An example would be coniferaldehyde. In the presence of ethanol, it changes to vanillin, then vanillic acid and then to ethyl vanillate. Or sinapaldehyde, perhaps. It will change to syringaldehyde, to syringic acid, to ethyl syringate. Thus, the longer you keep it in wood, the more of these "deeper", or further progressed down the chemical reaction chain, products you get.

Interaction: The last stage is interaction. Interaction comes in two forms: pH based interactions and ethanol / water interactions. While the reactions stated above seem to be numerous and consequential, the reality is that the concentrations of the volatiles don't really change too much during maturation. Yep, dead serious. However, fluctuations in pH cause changes in the ionization states of weak bases within the spirit which affects their volatility. By changing the pKa of the solution within the cask (either by addition of acidic / basic components from the wood or the evaporation / concentration of the solution itself), the evaporative losses of some volatiles may be greatly increased. Then there's the ethanol / water interaction thing. This is where me explaining the cell membrane comes in handy. Truth be told, if you pick up a bottle of vodka, you see that it's perfectly clear and you'd probably say that the ethanol is evenly distributed within it. That if you were to pour a glass it would have as much ethanol in it as the next glass and the next glass.

You'd be wrong.

Ethanol and water are a funny pairing. They're both "polar" so they should dissolve evenly within each other. But the structure of ethanol keeps that from happening. Let's take a peek, shall we? Here's ethanol:


Courtesy of Wikipedia

Take a peek at that. You have your polar hydroxyl group on the right (the O-H, or OH group). To your left, you have your non-polar ethane group. Sounds like your phospholipids, huh? Well, you'd be right. Ethanol in concentrations above 20%, is heterogeneously distributed through the solution (unevenly distributed). What they will tend to do is form ethanol clusters. A bunch of ethanol molecules will bundle up such that their OH groups are sticking outward (the polar OH group preferring the polar water) and the ethane group sticking inward. So, above 20% ABV, this happens. And not all at once, either. This is why older spirits can taste "smoother". As time passes, these ethanol clusters become more and more compact, making the solution more and more heterogeneous. New spirits will have more of a "burning" taste because the ethanol hasn't had the time to cluster as effectively. This is also why watering down a spirit (with a mixer or whatever) makes it easier to drink. Below 20% ABV, the ethanol evenly distributes into a homogeneous mixture so you won't get random clumps of pure ethanol. When you taste it, it's like drinking a shot of 200 proof alcohol and pure water at the same time. When drinking a heterogeneous mixture, it's like taking shots of 200 proof alcohol, then a shot of water and repeating this at infinitesimally small time periods. Significantly more burning on the latter.

So there you have it. The In With Bacchus guide to the science of wood maturation. Bear in mind that I could be wrong. Distinctly possible, in all likelihood. And that this is just an overview. As said before, maturation is the final frontier of distilling science so there's constantly papers being put out about it. But only nerdy people like me constantly seek them out.

Sweet Leaf Lemon Iced Tea - Sunday, November 13th

2011-11-13T11:30:00.001-05:00

The Irish have a saying. Well, they have many sayings but there's one I enjoy in particular. It goes:

"What butter and whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for."

As a man (and product) of science, I should fundamentally disagree with this on all levels. Managing my anxiety takes nigh grams of anti-anxiety drugs. You could have slathered the two onto my spine for all eternity but the only thing that would have cured that was a bone saw and a skilled doctor. But still...I love this phrase. And, for maladies that don't require a doctor's intervention, I find them a potent mixture of comfort and abatement of pain. But it's missing something.

Tea.

They should change that phrase and every Brit knows to the marrow of their bones that they should. A healthy cup of tea (with or without whiskey, cream, or sugar) is a failsafe cure-all in the British Isles and I agree heartily. When I'm sick with a cold, flu, headache, or whatever, I reach for two things: over the counter medicine and a whole lot of tea.

As it stands now, I'm rather sick so I've been quaffing tea down like a madman. Not the primo stuff because that would be wasted on my jam-packed nasal cavities. But cheap, strong cups of tea with milk and honey (an amended Builder's Tea) and iced tea when I'm just plain parched. I've been going through canned iced tea when I need a break from the tongue-scorching and I've been prowling the stores for new offerings. Sweet Leaf Lemon Iced Tea is NOT a new offering, however; I remember picking up a bottle of this when I was but a wee lad. Maybe my tastes have changed since then but I remember finding it not so hot back then. Nowadays, it's some pretty solid stuff. Here it is, in all the granny glory:

Frankly, this is not a can (or bottle) of tea to pick up if you have a fever or are on any significant dosage of Nyquil. That granny is SCARY. Look at that.

"They will never find your body, dearie..."

I mean, just...GAHHHHHHHH. Those eyes bore into my goddamn soul. I'm finding a trend in canned tea of ludicrous can decorations that can just be downright chilling. C'mon labeling artists. Buck up and gimme a friendly granny holding a plate of cookies (complete with heat lines coming off the top) and a glass of tea. Not Franken-Nanny.

The good news is the tea is pretty solid. They don't use HFCS or any other gross crap like that so it's a pretty easy drinker that doesn't leave your mouth like a oil slick. I'd be a bit happier if they toned down on the lemon and/or boosted the tea flavor but that's just me. I remember when I was younger I didn't like it because it wasn't sweet enough. I am downright Southern when it comes to my iced tea. I prefer an hellion brew of super strong tea cradled and swaddled in liquid diabeetus. But maybe it's my stuffy nose talking though.

Anyway, creeper granny aside, I'm feeling better already. If I put some whiskey into it and make it a buttered, fortified iced tea, I should be good in no time.

Right?

Whisky Magazine

2011-11-06T21:59:00.002-05:00

I know.

You were expecting this to be a post about my recent employment at Tuthilltown and what I do in the Willy Wonka shop. Well, I have to clear the article through HR before it can get posted. And before that, well, I have to write it. I was going to do that this weekend but the majority of the shocking little time I had was spent trying to find a car. I'll write it sometime this week. Maybe.

Instead, I bring equally good tidings. You will find, on page 20 of Issue 99 of Whisky Magazine (coming soon, if not already, to your local Barnes and Noble) a wee little article on craft distilling. It's titled "The Art of Craft." It's about 1500 words. Actually, it is 1478 pre-editing. How do I know these things?

I wrote it.

Yep, that's right. I've been published by Whisky Magazine. Here's a little snippet of the article:

"Distillation today is a far cry from its introduction. When distillation first started, it was done as a necessity rather than a luxury.

Completed in small batches on farms to save crops that would otherwise spoil, distillation was by no means an industrial process. Times have changed and distillation has become a multi-billion dollar business. Long gone are the days of private distillers handcrafting product in nigh miniscule volumes. Or are they? In the past 10 years, while companies like Diageo have been growing larger, a trend in the United States has been pushing to smaller.

Smaller volumes, smaller companies, and smaller stills, this trend has steadily grown to the point that it is gaining international attention. Known by many names such as craft, boutique, or farm distilling, smallscale and independent distillers free from the multinational conglomerate yoke have been cropping up across the country.

It is difficult to put a definition on exactly what a micro-distiller is and what they distill as well. The easiest way to describe them is ‘hands-on.' Many of the distillers do not have the budget to hire engineers, publicity teams, and lawyers.

Since it is so expensive to start a microdistillery, in terms of both licensing fees and equipment prices, they have to do everything independently and at minimal costs. But this independence gives them the freedom to produce whatever they desire."

That is but a mere taste of what's to come. Do you want to read the rest of this fateful chronicle? Do you desire to plumb the inky depths of beverage law and craft distilling trends? Well then, here is a step by step list of directions that will, at the end, leave you, too, with a crisply printed copy of Whisky Magazine's page 20 article by that devilishly handsome rogue Scott Spolverino:

The In With Bacchus Guide to Getting Whisky Magazine

1. Make a cup of coffee. Add cream and sugar as necessary.

2. Drink coffee. Peruse newspaper. Relax.

3. Grab keys. And cash. Or credit. Maybe even a gift certificate. But no checks. Paying for a $6.99 magazine with a check is tacky.

4. Don't forget your Barnes and Noble discount card.

5. Get in car. Make sure that it has gas.

6. Get gas because you are almost out. Pick up a soda or something. I recommend Mountain Dew.

7. Go to Barnes and Noble. Head to the Food and Wine section.

8a. Pick up copy of Whisky Magazine. Cradle it like a newborn.

8b. They don't have the latest copy. Find the manager and yell at them until the police arrive. Post bail, go home, and start from 1 (hopefully skipping 8b this time).

9. Go to the cash register and purchase said magazine.

10. Put it in the trunk of your car. Don't want the cops to find it if you get pulled over for speeding.

11a. Get home.

11b. Get stopped by cops because you're a lead-foot. Yell at cop that you have critical mission documents in your trunk and that no one can stop you. Don't resist the taser; just go with it. Post bail and start from step 1 (definitely skipping step 11b this time).

12. Read it. Bask in my linguistic prowess.

Or you could just subscribe. That would save you a lot of time. And maybe some bail money.

Man About (Tuthill)Town

2011-10-26T19:17:00.062-04:00

Look at this picture.

Now back to me.

Now back to this picture.

Now back to me.

Sadly, you aren't me. Because if you were me you'd be working at the above place. You would be gainfully employed to fabricate wonders at the above place.

The above place is Tuthilltown Distillery.

That's right folks. Through a complex combination of sheer luck and stubbornness, I have landed a job working at Tuthilltown Distillery. While I won't go into specifics about what I'm doing (pesky NDAs!) the most apt title of my position is Research and Development. As I described to Mutineer Magazine earlier on Twitter:

mutineermagmutineermag

@InWithBacchus Very cool man, congrats. What will you be doing? I've only had their single malt, but I really liked it. Really unique.

Oct 26Favorite RetweetReply

in reply to @mutineermag↑

@InWithBacchus @mutineermag I am their Research and Development department. I am the Science Smith. I forge experiments, quench raw data, and hone reports
Oct 26 via webFavorite RetweetReply

Literally, that's what I do. I make science...because science is a verb now.

In reality, I am doing a continuation of my wood maturation thesis work along with other fun, science-y things. I take barrel samples and put them in little jars and label them. I go around knocking on casks. I help the bottling/batch production team analyze their incoming batch barrels (by tasting). I also label, bottle, and box whiskey batches. If you have a bottle from batch 21 or 22 of the Baby Bourbon or 21 of the Manhattan Rye, chances are I put the label on it, gave it its birth number, and sealed the cradle it came in. Pretty solid chance. I've done about 600 bottles so far.

Now, I'm sure you're all wondering what this means for In With Bacchus. True, I will be posting less frequently (if that can even be possible). I will also be Tweeting less (but it'll give me time to make the tweets I do send extra special). And my website will be perused by my work's HR department, at least until they get used to my crazy ranting writing style. Other than that, nothing much will change. I promise. Tuthilltown and, potentially by extension, William Grant and Sons are cutting my paychecks. It's true; fair disclosure. Does this mean that I will change my views because of that? Nope. Not at all. I will do my utmost to remain fair and neutral. I'm not afraid to speak my mind on the things I'm passionate about and, if you've stuck around this long, I'm sure you know that.

There is one thing that will change and it's for the better: my knowledge base. Each day I'm learning not just things about wood maturation and maturation chemistry, but the business and efficiency of a working distillery. They don't always notice me, but I always notice what most people are doing. From the corner of my eye I watch them mill and mash. As I come down the stairs among the heady grain smell, I watch them cool and pitch. I chat with the distillers who walk me through their methods for determining the foreshots, hearts, and feints cuts. I lovingly watch over each barrel as it's filled like a mother hen. When it rolls to it's final resting place, I am generally there. And when an old barrel rolls out, I'm there too. I make it a point to be present in every aspect of the production process to the best extent I can while getting stuff done. And I can tell you, I'm learning a lot. No amount of reading and lectures can make up for almost a month's worth of hands on experience. The chalkiness and bitterness that signals the end of the hearts cut. The steam vapors of cooking corn that fog your glasses and leave you smelling like grits. The worn oak and whiskey tinge of a warehouse. Can't learn that from a book.

So yes, I am gainfully employed. And no, nothing will change here at In With Bacchus.

Except my depth of knowledge.

Glenlivet Faemussach - Monday, October 10th

2011-10-10T17:52:00.002-04:00

Knowing whisky (or beverage) people is a funny thing for a variety of reasons. I would be flat out lying if I didn't say that, at one point, I had a drunken argument about the merits of a protein rest during brewing and the viability of cask reuse-age for whisky. It's things like this that eventually come up in conversation, either alcohol induced or otherwise. Talking shop is one of the most rewarding things about this job. Well, almost.

I'd have to say the most is the fact that most booze and cocktail people have fantastically stocked bar backs in their home and they are more than willing to share. They'll trade regional product for regional product, swap homemade bitters for falernum, surprise you with a snort of old cognac in the mail or maybe a cocktail book they found at a yard sale. We share what we've got. And this is how I got a small sample of the Faemussach.

Glenlivet Faemussach is a 13 year old, cask strength Glenlivet. I got my sample from a friend that works at Royal Mile whiskies. It came in this bottle:

Yep, that's right. An old Duncan Taylor sample bottle. You get used to seeing stuff like this. Recycling is key. Smart booze people save all of their mini bottles and sample glass so that they can pass on stuff to other people. Oddly enough, this is a second hand sample. This sample, in turn, came from ANOTHER person (or people) who got a bottle of it as a present. That would be the Edinburgh Whisky Blog. Yeah, booze gets passed around in the community.

And I likes it.

Anyway, here she is in all of her golden glory:

I think it's straight from the cask, unchillfiltered, uncolored, and at a hefty 59.1% ABV. And it's so good. Here's the notes:

Nose: Orange marmalade. Pine needles. Milk chocolate. No peat at all, despite the fact that it's named after a peat field. Some sawdust / new wood. Grassy and floral like a spring field. Very cracking nose on this one.

Taste: Lots of oranges and cream. It's almost like a creamsicle. Clover honey. A bite of wood towards the end develops into some spice. Slightly salty too. Peat is so faint over the explosion of sweetness and fruit on top of it. The wood on the finish is nice. It's almost like buttered oak.

This is a -fantastic- dram. I don't have much of it left but I'll be sure to savor it. Unfortunately, you can't get any unless you're super cool and Pernod Ricard loves you. Well, loved you. They gave away all the bottles they had, I believe. They release a new one each year with a different name and no release is ever the same. Which makes me even sadder. That Duncan Taylor bottle is frighteningly low but I'll be hoarding that like a dragon. Sadly, I won't be sharing it, booze nerds. Sorry.

Thursday Drink Night (TDN)

2011-09-08T16:19:00.002-04:00

I'm back.

Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated. Many people I've heard from said that I died in a booze related incident on the plane. I've heard a few "they didn't have scotch so he had a heart attack" stories. Lies. The most embarassing is a story that I got cut off and in a desperate, lurching attempt to steal a few bottles of Glenlivet off the booze cart, was subsequently aerated by a Glock 17 firmly in the grasp of an Air Marshall.

All slanderous lies.

I am indeed in fine form and fiddle. All of the booze that I smuggled onto the plane in my checked bag not only made it through Customs but made it in one piece. My cigar collection remains in it's blissfully humidified state as well. I'm actually reconditioning my humidors to store these delicious little bad boys. Life is sweet for the time being. And it's about to get even sweeter.

One of the traditions I take part in is the bi-weekly or weekly Thursday Drink Night. It is a conglomeration of internet chat room and online Tales of the Cocktail. It involves a lot of cocktail geeks getting together and mixing up drinks based on the theme selected. Some of the past ones have been sponsored events (like the Mandarine Napoleon one) or just straight up silly ones like Charlie Sheen. Only those that have put in their chops get to set the coveted topic: a topic based on your persona. There have been many TDN in the past devoted to the lovers of shaken lore and stirred magic. Last week, Rumdood had the fortunate opportunity to have a cocktail named after him. A few years ago, an entire TDN was devoted to creating cocktails for all the cocktail nerds, geeks, and dweebs going to Tales of the Cocktail. While I haven't put in my chops, heavy and significant bribing of Sean Mike Whipkey of Scofflaw's Den resulting in the greatest of honors falling into my lap.

So here's the nitty gritty:

Next week, Thursday, September 15th from 8pm until whenever you feel like passing out is...

THURSDAY DRINK NIGHT: IN WITH BACCHUS

That's right. You too can participate and make cocktails that mock my sense of pride, self-dignity, and weight. You too can take part in the ribaldry. To do this, follow a few simple directions.

Step 1: Go to your local liquor store and stock up your home bar. Recipes for all of the cocktails are posted in an online chat room and it is your job, at home, to recreate the cocktail and denote whether or not they need adjustment (either in ingredient list or technical work) or if they're spot on. Some of the people there choose the craziest ingredients so don't feel bad if you don't have everything. Feel free to sub out. If you don't know what to sub out for, ask.

Step 2: Invest in a lot of beer. Ice cold. Put the kids to bed. Gonna be a long night.

Step 3: Go to bar.mixoloseum.com and sign up for an account. It's easy, it takes 10 minutes, and it'll last you for a lifetime. Pick a good name otherwise I'll probably get drunk and make fun of it. So make like Indiana Jones and choose wisely.

Step 4: Next Thursday, log in and participate. Feel free to submit cocktails, chat with the folks there, and just shoot the shit. It's fun.

Now, if you have decided to join us, know that you will be rewarded for your creativity. I've managed to finagle (BRIBE AND BLACKMAIL) a few prize sets. The firm categories will be:

Best Name
Best Cocktail
Most Representative of In With Bacchus

For your troubles, the prize packages are...

1 Momokawa / Moonstone Sake set courtesy of SakeOne. A sweet sake glass, a t-shirt in your size, and a few bottles of Momokawa and Moonstone sakes (good stuff) to fiddle around with at the bar or just to drink.

1 SakeOne G set. A bottle of the SakeOne G sake (their equivalent of a cask strength scotch) along with a shirt in your size.

More prizes will be added as I blackmail my way through my contact list. Just kidding, I don't have any dirt on anyone I've chatted with. Or do I...

Also, if you want to iron out the whole TDN thing early, tonight from 8 - whenever is TDN: Football. Sign up for an account and get a taste of the mayhem!

What I've Learned in Scotland

2011-08-12T15:16:00.003-04:00

On Sunday I went to Whisky Fringe.

It took place at the Mansfield Tranquair (which is where the Boutique Bar Show took place). I had an awesome time. Lots of fun. I met up with Dave Broom (who poured me a Jamaican rum that smelled like eating bananas foster next to a tire fire), tried the entire line of El Dorado Rum (more on this later), and drank super special whiskies from all across Scotland. Then we went to Bramble and I drank a bunch of Negronis (one with Campari, one with Fernet Branca) and shots of corn whiskey.

At this point, I could get into the nitty gritty of what expressions I tried, what the tasting notes are, and overall what I thought of the Whisky Fringe. I could do this.

I'm not gonna.

I think the 20 quid I paid to get in serves a better jumping off point for something else. Mainly, what I've learned from Scotland (much like my IPCPR post). I was thinking of actually doing this AFTER I left but that won't be for about another month and it's fresh in my mind at the moment. So let's roll with it then.

1. Scotland is awesome.

This is a pretty roundabout and vague title so let me explain (read: get ready for an anecdote). I realized this at the Bruichladdich booth at Whisky Fringe as we were sitting around sipping on a 7 year old single barley varietal whisky (to be released in the near future), as well as gin. I'm standing there, chatting with Natalie, an awesome and patient worker at the Bruichladdich booth.

Some guy in a blue checked shirt, obviously blootered, comes up next to me and asks for a try of their gin. He's jovial, to say the least. In a heavy Glaswegian accent, we start chatting about Scotland and scotch when another guy comes up to say "hi" to Natalie and offer a card of some sort. This ends up forming into an improptu discussion of the liquor industry in duty free, then to travel, and then to my accent. I tell them that I'm, indeed, a Yank and that I'm from NY. The guy next to me says that he was in an elevator in NY once with a guy who commented on his Scottish accent and asked him where he'd been. He said Las Vegas and NY, to which the guy replied "you still haven't been to the US." Natalie said that she'd love to go to NY, to which I replied this:

"It's a nice place to visit but not to stay, I think. The people there...they just don't care about other people."

And then it hit me. Of all the places I've been both in the US and abroad, the NICEST people have been in Scotland. Everywhere you go, people are warm and inviting. In London, I definitely got a weird vibe from people because of my weight but here, they just don't care. If you need help, you can literally ask anyone and they'll reply, politely and with a smile. Just walking by people and catching their eye leads to a "Hullo" and a grin. I dunno what it is about this country but everyone here is, to put it most accurately, awesome. They're accommodating, generous, helpful, and warm. I suppose I should amend the title to say "Scottish people are awesome" but that's not the entirety of the story. Just looking in ANY direction in Scotland is breathtaking. I look out my window to not just one, but two sets of mountains in the distance. From my classrooms, there's beautiful views of sweeping fields, stoic mountains, and the history of Edinburgh. So I'm sticking by what I said. Scotland is awesome. If you ever get the chance to come here, do. Without hesitation. Just bring pants and a rain jacket. You'll need it, no doubt.

2. It's important to push yourself

This is a big one for me and I've really been hesitating writing about it for awhile but I think it's really time to set things straight. I talk a big game on Twitter, I really do. Truth be told is, I drink maybe a 10th of what it sounds like I do, mainly because of the medication I'm on. If I drink too much, my heart might slow down enough to stop. Or I could just get violently nauseous. Either way, I lose. If you've ever seen me at an event, chances are I haven't taken this medication so that I can actually do a solid tasting without blarfin everywhere. And I'm generally extremely nervous. Why? The reason why I'm on this medication is for anxiety. I'm not going to lie, it's a crushing anxiety. I'm literally sweating bullets and panicking as I write this. Thanks to my extensive medical history, I have a little something commonly reserved for soldiers that have returned from combat. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I won't bore you with the details and such but, suffice to say, 26 surgeries have made me a jangling bundle of nerves for my whole life.

It was a huge step for me to go to undergrad, five hours away from home. My PTSD meant that I would have constant and severe panic attacks during anything remotely stressful. Like tests. Or interacting with my professors. Or being a normal human being. I wasn't diagnosed with this until right before I went to college and I didn't get a medication regime that worked until about two years ago. Thus, when I say moving to Scotland to pursue a degree in Brewing and Distilling Science was a "big step", it's a bigger step for me than for most people. If I sweat, shake, get nausea, shortness of breath from tests, think of how I was taking on a $32,000 loan to move 4,000 miles away from home to a completely different culture. The first week or so here was...intense. And it's been pretty difficult ever since. I've done fairly well in my classes and I'd like to think my thesis is going quite swimmingly (for someone that had to do pretty much ALL of the work themselves, without help). And I've learned a whole lot about myself and my capabilities. Yeah, it was rough but I think it was definitely a good thing. Doesn't hurt to come out with a degree from it either.

But this doesn't mean that it's all been gravy. I've mostly kept to myself the entire time I've been here. I use video games and movies to escape from my anxiety. Also, that $32,000 didn't go very far with the fluctuating exchange rate so money anxieties have really kept me from doing anything with the people in my program (If any of you are reading this, sorry. I know I came across as the weird loner kid. I tried though.) That and the anxiety of being in a completely different world and culture. Like above, I've done the equivalent of only going to Las Vegas and New York while I've been here. Realistically, I haven't "been" to Scotland. But hopefully when I'm stupid rich later on I'll amend the hell out of that. So stay tuned.

3. Learn how to do stuff for yourself

I've heard people say "necessity is the mother of all invention." I'd like to take this a step further and also state that "hunger is the mother of all innovation." Being generally flat broke here, I've learned how to cook in a pretty rapid time. I went from buying the cheap, ready made meals to making my own. I actually just pulled a mushroom and bacon pie with flaky crust out of the oven. I've learned how to brew my own beer and come up with recipes (although that's a lot of the degree's doing). I've learned how to fix just about anything with compressed air, string, tape, and paper clips. I've learned how to garden and sew. I can make a damn fine cup of builder's tea, jars of pickled eggs, and oatmeal. I can also make a mean bottle of limoncello and I've learned how to make an fantastic cup of coffee in a moka pot. I suppose making my own stuff has been a combination of being broke as well as needing something to do but I've learned a lot over here not even remotely related to my degree. Even my buttermilk biscuit recipe is coming along nicely. They've just progressed from the threshold of "only edible if soaked in gravy" to "edible". That's gotta count for something, right?

4. Never wear shorts on the Royal Mile / Princes Street

I learned this one from the ungodly amount of people doing it. You look like a tourist. Just stop. How are you even warm? It's 55 and raining.

If I come up with any more, I'll add them here. For hanging in there with my rambling, have a Negroni from Bramble:

Macanudo Cru Royale Robusto - Wednesday, July 13th

2011-07-13T15:35:00.001-04:00

I'll admit something, right here, right now. I'm not a huge fan of Macanudo. Well, let me be more specific, I'm not a fan of the old Macanudo. I've had the Cafe, the Robust, the Maduro, and the Gold and, for me...it was less smoking a cigar and more sucking on a straw. They didn't pack a whole lot of flavor. I tried a few times on each and they just didn't do it for me. Try as I might, they were just wayyyyy too mild for me. To steal Yogi's thing, they're milder than your average cigar. And I like my cigars like I like my women: robust, full bodied, and with spirit.

I also like them older than me but that's here nor there.

Thus it was with great trepidation that, during the IPCPR last year, I learned that the Macanudo line was getting a new baby brother: the Macanudo Cru Royale. For me, I thought "fancy name, same-old same-old." I got a few samples of it at some point during the show and put it out of sight / out of mind. I knew I wasn't going to like it, it's a Mac.

I'm not a proud man. I'm not overly vain or egotistical. Hell, I'm not even humble. I'm borderline sadistic when it comes to promoting myself. I THRIVE on self-defacing humor. So it's easy for me to say this:

I was wholeheartedly WRONG.

This was an enjoyable cigar. I sparked it up again today and it reminded me how absolutely solid and in-line with my taste preferences it was. With no further ado, here he is, the Macanudo Cru Royale:

Look at 'im. Big, bold, and brash. A wrapper darker than a German film noir. It just screams "light me on fire!" So I did. Here's the notes:

First quarter: Surprising amount of complexity. It starts with a new leather taste; heavily tannic (in a good way). Woody too, oak. Spurts of nuttiness (peanut?)

Half way: Mainly that fresh leather flavor. Some hints of cinnamon in there too. Black tea as well. But predominantly leather. Complexity has definitely faded since the first quarter.

Third quarter: Intensity of the leather dies down. Dark chocolate. Velvety, almost creamy now. I get toast too. A buttered toast thing going on. Mmm.

Overally, a very solid addition to the Macanudo line. Is it the best cigar available? Can't say that, sorry. But is it a solid, enjoyable cigar that is available readily and for a decent (~$6.50) price? Sure is. Would I pick it up? Yes and no. Depends on my mood. If it had maintained the complexity of the first quarter throughout then I definitely would. However, I feel it stagnated towards the middle and didn't really recover the complexity it had at the beginning. So it would depend on what I'm doing. Frankly, this would be the -perfect- golf cigar for me (or any "smoking + activity" cigar). Tasty, enough complexity to keep me interested without diverting my attention, and easy to smoke more than one of in a sitting. So take it as you will.

Wild Turkey 101 - Sunday, July 10th

2011-07-10T15:37:00.001-04:00

Cheap bourbon is a fickle mistress. There are few bourbons that maintain both a low price and a palatable taste. Take for example Fighting Cock bourbon by Heaven Hill. It's a decent, six year old whiskey that clocks in at a healthy 103 proof. It's about, oh I dunno, $16~ish a liter. It is a decent bourbon for mixing but drinking it straight is a measure in sheer willpower. I'm not sure what it is but I can't drink that stuff neat no matter how much I try. And then there's Early Times. That's cheap and readily available. But I can't drink that in any fashion. It smells like corn soaked in paint thinner and tastes equally wretched. Budget bourbon is hard to come across and those that do find one jealously horde it.

For me, I have a broad range of cheap bourbons and, unlike some people, I'm willing to share. Fighting Cock and Buffalo Trace make it onto my bill of fare rather frequently and that's cool. But thanks to travel retail, I've found my favorite budget bourbon. Wild Turkey 101. Eight years old, 101 proof. It's a manly whiskey. It's got a kick like a mule and makes me think of the stuff they swilled down in Wild West taverns in the mid 1800s. But unlike that stuff, it tastes pretty damn good. And the best part? I'm equally comfortable mixing it (the higher proof holds well in a mint julep) and drinking it neat. Here she is in all of her bottled glory:

How does it look in the glass?

Looks miiiighty delicious. Here's the particulars:

Nose: It smells like freshly hewn wood and corn oil. What must be a decent rye content gives some paprika and mustard powder-like spice. Busted, worn leather as well. Reminds me of the barn on my godparent's farm.

Taste: Honey and corn oil sweetness tempered with wood. Floral as well but I can't quite narrow down what it is. This fades to a robust vanilla and oak coupled with, strangely, a taste not unlike burnt ends from brisket. That mustardy/paprika rye taste is there too but buried deep. Finish is not warm, but biting and bracing like a bonfire on a chilly night.

When you can get a liter bottle of this for $20 at travel retail, you can't go wrong. This is the "girl next door" bourbon. Sure, there's prettier, fancier, more costly belles at the ball...but more often than not the best thing is something you've always overlooked. Although, frankly, I feel that way about just about all bourbon. There's your fancy scotch, your Japanese whisky, your Irish too. But that girl next door, that southern belle, always calls to me strongest. And I generally heed. Funny, that.

Guillermo Leon Signature Corona - Saturday, July 2nd

2011-07-02T17:22:00.001-04:00

As you may or may not know, last year I had the extreme fortune of attending IPCPR thanks to Drew Estate. If you haven't seen the saga, check here. In short, I spent about 12 hours a day smoking my face off, carousing, and battling kidney infections all while bringing my adoring fans (read: no one) all the news that was fit to print. One of the gems that I got to smoke during the show was the Guillermo Leon Signature. Launched during the show, I had the great fortune to attend the launch party along with a bunch of other bloggers (like Barry of A Cigar Smoker). I smoked a few of these during the duration of the show and while different from what I normally smoked, I liked 'em. I brought one back home with me from the show to get decent pictures of and put a review up.

Then I moved to Scotland.

If you've never been to Scotland, I'd like to summarize the weather here. Fall...it rains. A lot. In the winter, it is precipitation. There is no "chance" of it, it just happens. Every waking second. Sometimes it's rather mild out for winter, other times its cold. The spring and summer mixes things up delightfully though. It's either sunny out and bitingly cold and impossibly windy...or warm and raining. Thus, conditions for smoking cigars without having the cigar go out, canoe like a Chippewa, or make me miserable and cold. So I've had to wait until one of those rare, dice roll days when it's warm, sunny, and not overly windy. When one of those days decided to show up, I sparked this bad boy. So, without much further ado...

Beautiful, no? Let's see how this beauty stacks up in the smokage department.

First quarter: Man, effortless draw on this thing. Smoke is thick and rich. Starts off with a worn leather couch taste and a gratuitous amount of white pepper and toasted nuts. Sweet and medium-ish flavor at this point.

Half way: Body kicks up. The leather recedes and this powerful black coffee flavor bursts through. This would be a killer cigar with a cup of coffee. Cedar and leather intermingle in the background.

Third quarter: Coffee recedes and it reverts to the leather and white pepper flavor but more intense than the first quarter. I'd put it at a solid medium in terms of flavor at this point.

Last quarter: Power picks up a bit in the last quarter as a mustard like spice comes in.

Damn good cigar. It has the complexity of the heavier body, full flavor cigars that I like but I could definitely cruise through a couple of these in a day and still enjoy each and every nuance. While not fitting into my preferred cigar flavor profile (LIGERO), it is a pleasant smoke that can stand up to a day's worth of smoking. I'd imagine, with the heavy, predominant flavor of coffee that this would pair well in the morning with a nice cup of drip coffee or even a cappuccino. Would I recommend this? Definitely. Complex but not overbearing, ideal for days where you want to smoke a lot, and at about $6-$7, it's a pretty solid buy.

A Marks and Spencer Review

2011-06-30T10:47:00.001-04:00

As an American in the UK, there are a lot of things that I see as being completely different from their counterparts in the US. Sure, they call fries here "chips" and chips here "crisps". And aluminum isn't "al-loo-min-um" but rather "al -loo-min-e-um". Yeah, those are all true. But one of the biggest differences is in drinking culture. More specifically, the route in which you can get beer, wine, cider, or spirits. As in the US, the UK does a fairly bristling on-trade (bars, nightclubs, etc.) business but one of the most striking differences in beverage purchases is the off-trade in stores and such. In the US, when I want a bottle of wine, spirits, or beer/cider, I have to hop in a car. I drive to the store, browse the selection, pick out what I want, buy it, and drive home. Then I drink it, usually while surfing the internet and talking on Twitter. In the UK...I can get it delivered to my door. And in the UK, as long as I have valid ID, they'll deliver it anywhere. In the States, some states frown upon buying liquor online and having it sent to your house. Here in the UK, I can get a bottle of scotch and a case of beer with my bread, butter, and ground beef.

A bit ago, Marks and Spencer approached me to write a freelance editorial for them on the Food and Wine section of their website. I was happy to oblige. Not for the money, no. But rather it is a easy way to illustrate one of the biggest differences in the UK. So, let's investigate, shall we? Below is a screencap of their website:

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First off, you can see they have a pretty wide selection of wines. They cover the gamut of types (red, white, rose, sparkling/Champagne) from a variety of countries (Portugal, Spain, USA, etc.). It is nice to be able to browse a good wine selection online and then have it delivered to your door along with the groceries for the week. But delving deeper into this you can see another trend in the UK that's RARELY seen in the US. To start, let's pick red wine:

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Now let's go with something I'm more comfortable with in terms of knowledge. Let's choose USA:

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You can see that they have a small offering of California reds available. There's a Ravenswood Zinfandel 2006 (top row, 3rd from left). It is one of their standard bottlings. They also have a variety of Bonny Doon wines. Let's choose the Central Coast Syrah 2008:

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Looks like their standard bottling, right? Look closer:

Okay, let's go back to the main page and hit up some white wines:

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And then Chardonnay:

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Then France:

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Let's be gentle and meek here. I'll narrow it to a pauper's wine. £200 - £299.99:

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Mmm, a Puligny-Montrachet 1er Cru Leslumeux 2009. A cracking vintage (?). Either way, a standard bottling by the Domaine Jean Pascal et. Fils. But what of the other bottling, the Chablis Grand Cru Grenouille 2006? Check it out:

As you can see...they're PROPRIETARY bottlings. Bottlings done specifically for Marks and Spencer. You don't see that in the US. At most, you may get some bottlings by Trader Joe's that don't release the name of the wine. For these wines, no only is it a branded wine endorse by M&S but they go into where it's made, what's in it, and who made it. Check out the beer and cider section here. All proprietary, exclusive bottles for Marks and Spencer.

One of the most interesting things in the UK, I've found, is store brand alcohol. And it's not just limited to wine, beer, and cider. Marks and Spencer has it's own brand of port, sherry and spirits (not on the website but available in store). They're cheaper than their equivalent on the shelf, generally the same quality, and they even TELL you who makes it...it's just got the Marks and Spencer approval on it. And that is something I can get behind. I dunno if it's legal in the US but if it's not, I sure wish that would change. Store brand alcohol that is the same quality and even same name, but lesser prices? The Scottish blood in me enjoys the hell out of it.

So thank you, Marks and Spencer, for not only giving me the opportunity to talk about my experiences here in the UK but to enlighten my readers as well. And hey, recouping some hosting fees don't hurt either.

Rishi Tea Organic Ancient Pu-erh Tuo Cha (Shu) - Tuesday, June 14th

2011-06-14T12:26:00.000-04:00

I am, by no stretch of the imagination, an expert on pu-erh. I like it and I really want to try a whole bunch more...but I'm kinda intimidated by where to start. I read The Half Dipper daily and, frankly, most of the things Hobbes talks about I don't know. Not so much like "Oh, I think it means this" or "I guess it means that" because that involves some sort of intelligent guessing and deductive reasoning. No, this is more along the lines of "What the...wait...huh? Is that a real word?" The fact that pu-erh is a very traditional Chinese thing doesn't help. I don't speak a lick of Mandarin. But my Cantonese is superb.

Alright, passable.

Rudimentary?

Ok, ok, I can't speak any dialect.

So instead, I dabble. Here and there I get bits and pieces of cakes to try out and, for the most part, I enjoy the hell out of them. But I wouldn't consider myself a collector, or even an aficionado. I like 'em, a lot, but I don't actively seek them out. That would just scare the hell out of me.

That and the last thing I need is yet another beverage related hobby.

It's good to see companies that put out pu-erh products into mainstream stores that is both decent quality and economical. Rishi Tea does this fairly well with it's line of blended pu-erhs, like their Ginger Pu-erh, Vanilla Mint Pu-erh, and Blood Orange Pu-erh (all of which I have samples of), as well as their non-blended ones like this one:

To say that pu-erh is an acquired taste might be a touch of an understatement. It's radically not like most teas. The sheng (raw/uncooked) has an intensely white pepper and grass flavor to it and the shu (cooked) has a deeply wet dirt flavor to it. And both, I've found, have an umami-like brininess to it as well. Strange stuff but addicting.

These tuo cha were provided by Rishi Tea for me to test out. Yes, tuo cha. What is that? Wel, it's this:

Wee little tea cakes and not the kind you eat either. It's actually the processed tea that's steamed and molded. I won't go into detail as I'm truly no expert but if you want a general glimpse, I suggest Wikipedia. Anyway, here's the notes:

Brewed in: gaiwan and tasting cup.
Water: boiling (212F)
Steep time: 3 minutes (as recommended)

First infusion: Nose is earthy. Kinda smells like pine too. Pretty quiet though. Taste is of hay and dirt. It's like licking a barn. Which honestly, isn't a bad thing. Molasses makes me want more rum. Mild bitterness but no astringency; very smooth. Not a whole lot of body though, seems kinda thin. Not too deep. Color is pretty inky.

Second infusion: Nose is almost gone by this point. Some earth, pine is gone. Bitterness is growing and the taste is fading. That pu-erh brine is coming out. Molasses is still there but fading. Hay flavor is gone.

Third infusion: Nose is non-existant. Absolutely nothing there. Taste has lost the bitterness and now tastes more like cooked rice. Much more pleasant than the second infusion. Body is better, oddly enough, but still thin. At this point, I'd call it done.

For me, it's a good enough tea that displays the possibilities of the shu pu erh category. It is definitely an introductory tea as, for me, there are teas out there with more depth and that can stand up to more infusions. It is not uncommon to go for six or seven infusions out of one set of leaves but this really started tapering off after two. Would I pick it up again? Eh, probably not. I've had some AMAZING shu in my minimal travels so once you're bitten by the bug it's hard to go back. But I'd recommend it to someone that's never had it before. A damn sight cheaper than diving in headlong, I'll give it that.

Theakston Old Peculier - Thursday, June 2nd

2011-06-02T10:20:00.001-04:00

Beer in the UK has funny names.

I'm not talking like "Deranged Psycho Axe Murder Stout" but far more classier names.

Like Fursty Ferret.

Or Bishop's Finger.

How about a pint of Finchcock's Original?

Or Riggwelter Yorkshire Ale?

Here in Scotland, you can slake your thirst with some Ptarmigan, some Red MacGregor or a nice pint of Thrappledouser.

One could arguably say that these names aren't really weird or strange. They're more like "British weird" which is best described as "eccentric with a monocle and a refined taste for claret." Or, you could say...Peculier.

When a beer calls itself OLD Pecurlier, it better be pretty peculiar. Below is a bottle of the 5.6% Old Peculier, brewed by Theakston.

It wasn't very good, for the record.

Honestly, as peculiar names go...Old Peculier is a rather tame cop-out, don't you think? As you may note, it also says "The Legend". That's a healthy cup of competition for quaffing. Not just peculiar in a land of peculiar names but a legend on top of that?

There's a pint of the cola black mistress. Look at how she shines in the light:

I'll give it this, it's a beautiful beer. But how does it fare up?

Nose: Fairly estery. Some overripe banana. Molasses. It actually kinda smells a particularly potent/sour ester I synthesized in Organic Chem once. An oblique reference but it's definitely got a lightly sour and pungent smell to it. Other than that, pretty lightly staffed in the Smells Department.

Taste: Very biscuity. The first sip is viscous and sweet like a digestif biscuit. This fades to chicory coffee. Stone fruits in there as well: dried cherries, maybe fresh plum. They obviously use a lot of bittering hops in this bad boy. The finish is almost mouthpuckering. I'm hazarding a guess at Fuggles. It has no hop depth aside from just an amazingly astringent and bitter finish.

The more I drink through this pint, the more it grows on me. When I first started drinking it I wasn't a huge fan. The hop profile felt one dimensional, even for British beer who don't go all hop-crazy like us Yanks. But as I drink it, I'm warming up to it. Its simplicity, at first, belies the changing flavors that bubble up from below. It's fruity, malty, and dextrin-ous at the beginning but the hop profile cuts straight through it, leaving a pleasant bitterness in the back of the throat and a taste like Roman Nougat at the tip of the tongue. Would I actively seek it out? Maybe. I'd be interested to see what this Legend can do on tap but I'd have to be in the mood for it. This is not a "pint with friends" beer. This is a "pint with a book and pipe" beer. It's easy to drink for it's ABV but more than one, I think, would be pretty cloying.

Maker's 46 - Saturday, May 28th

2011-05-28T09:19:00.001-04:00

For 50 years, the Samuel's family and the Maker's Mark distillery in Loretto, KY held firm. With the ever increasing bottle count of some companies, Maker's Mark bucked the trend by offering one, and only one, product. Sure, they bottled it at different ABVs and slightly different ages (read: Black and Gold), it was pretty much the same as the original.

Then they released Maker's 46.

Even for a "new" whiskey, it's not far removed from the original Maker's Mark. Maker's 46 starts with a base of standard Maker's Mark at five years old (EDIT: Maker's Mark is actually 5.5-7 years with an average of about 6 years.Then they add a healthy dose of voodoo and bottle it. And by voodoo, I mean wood staves. They age their bourbon in new American oak (new oak is mandated by bourbon law) but that extra voodoo step is the addition of toasted, French oak staves. While their traditional American oak casks are charred (high temperature, very quickly that blackens the outer layer of wood and helps to break down some of the chemicals in the wood), the French oak staves are toasted, which happens at a lower temperature for slightly longer. This "toasting" (EDIT: They call it searing but I like toasting because toast is delicious) of the wood leaves the staves looking and smelling like freshly made toast. Two sets of these staves are inserted into the barrel (inserted into, not replacing the staves) and this is then aged for an extra nine weeks.

Let's just say it makes a big difference.

I like Maker's Mark but it's not my preferred bourbon. It's relatively cheap and very easy to find here in Scotland so if I want to pick some up I go for it. I can get a 750ml bottle at Costco for about 14 quid (~$23). But for me, the winter wheat just makes it too mild. It's nice for when it's hot out or I need a less aggressive whiskey for a cocktail...but I prefer a rye bite and spicy fire to my bourbon. I need "oomph". This is where Maker's 46 comes in.

Veni, vidi, whiskey.

You can see, from the above picture, that it is a favorite. Technically, I can't claim to have demolished that entire bottle. Maker's Mark was kind enough to send me a bottle of 46 to debut at the campus Whisky Society and debut it did. It was voted the favorite of the night and resulted in many other bottles leaving the room with barely a dent in them. Thankfully, the Maker's 46 was not want for attention that night.

There she is in all of her amber, fluid glory. Just look at it. Beeeautiful. I shed a tear, I must admit. Here are the notes:

Nose: Heavy toffee. Creme brulee. Maybe maple syrup? Cayenne pepper powder. Aggressive wood too, like a carpenter's workshop. Black coffee? Ripe banana.

Taste: Black pepper. Coffee follows through. Old wood (note: this isn't based on smell. I used to bite the pews in church pretending to be a T. Rex when bored during mass). Got a deeply hidden, earthy quality to it as well, which is kinda odd. Lemon oil and furniture polish. Finish is lingering and slightly tannic.

Overall, it is a skillful blend of the soft, sweet, maple sugar and vanilla qualities of the Maker's Mark but with more of a substantial, robust, and prominent flavor profile (coffee, pepper, aggressive wood). Maker's 46 is a slightly more fragrant amplification of the benefits of the standard Makers along with a hearty dash of much needed flavor potency;. And in the Bacchus household, it is much preferred.

Regularly Scheduled Programming

2011-05-05T23:04:00.001-04:00

Sorry.

I know I haven't put a post up in awhile (last one was March 28th) but it kinda hit the fan here at Bacchus HQ. With break being crammed with doctor's appointments and wisdom tooth removal then finals right after that, I've been pretty damn busy. But, my last final (potentially ever) was yesterday so regular updates will be coming soon. Sorry for the delay. In hopes of soothing your anger and frustration, here's an awesome video:

Anheuser-Busch's purchase of Goose Island

2011-03-28T12:26:00.001-04:00

Yeah, yeah, it's all over the waves now. The news dropped about an hour ago and, after careful consideration, I've decided to do a post on it. First off, courtesy of the Chicago Tribune, is the nitty-gritty of the deal:

Big shake up on the local beer scene: Goose Island Beer Co., responsible for the delicious (Bourbon Country Brand Stout) and the hugely popular (312 wheat ale) is being bought out by Anheuser-Busch.

The makers of Budweiser will pay a total of $38.8 million for the brewery on Fulton Street that sends its beers across the globe. Though jarring in an industry that prides itself on independence and creativity, the move isn't completely unexpected. Anheuser-Busch has had a hand in the company since 2006, when the Portland, Ore.-based Craft Brewers Alliance -- of which AB has a minority interest -- took a minority ownership of Goose. AB has played a role in Goose's distribution ever since. Brewmaster Greg Hall, whose father John Hall started the brewery in 1988, will be stepping down and replaced by (the appropriately named) head brewer Brett Porter. Porter was previous head brewer of well-respected Oregon brewery Deschutes Brewery before coming to Goose last year. Goose's two brew pubs in the city, on Clark Street and Clybourn Avenue, are not involved in the deal and will continue to be owned by John Hall and a group of partners.

The camps, at this point, are divided. There are a large amount of people that think that Anheuser-Busch will have an active hand in reducing the quality of the Goose Island brand and that this is a damn travesty. There's the other group of people that say that just because they've bought it doesn't mean you should get your knickers in a twist. Me? I'm in the middle here. There are some concerns that have wafted through my head as I've watched this unfold. To me, I think the pick-up by AB is a double-edged sword. It's nice to see them get extended distribution...but that may ruin them. Here's why.

As a brewer post-grad, there are a few concerns that come to mind in terms of manufacturing the beer. First off is the replacement of Greg Hall as head brewer with Brett Porter (which sounds like a wild fermented porter, really). This is really a short-term problem here as the transition of a head brewers will always bring about inconsistency. A lot of beer making is an organic, hands-on, process. That's why I love it. But when someone that's been brewing these beers for a long time (he is the son of the founder, after all) steps down and is replaced by someone that's been brewing them for a year, there's bound to be incongruities. Even a year-long apprenticeship learning about how to brew the Goose Island offerings won't allow Porter to exactly reproduce their beers. But, given a year or two, this should iron out as he gets comfortable with the brewery.

My major concern really lies with the supply chain issues of Goose Island. One lies with the beers themselves and the other lies with distribution of the beer. For the beers themselves, I can guarantee you that they use adjuncts in their beer. I can almost bloody well guarantee you that they do. An all-malt beer is not exactly easy to drink one after the other (EDIT: A friend of mine mentioned German lagers which raises a fair point. Exceptions to every generalization, I suppose. For our sake, let's look at American beers that generally have higher ABV, upwards of 6% for a "session beer", and body sans adjuncts). If you can drink their beers back to back, there's a likelihood that they're cutting the mash bill with some sort of adjunct. However, it's clear that the adjuncts they're using are of high quality. How do you know? Well, they don't taste like crap, that's why. Good quality raw materials yield good quality end products. Simple as that. However, AB does not use the highest quality adjuncts for it's beers (Bud is a large percentage rice, I believe). You can tell they don't because the quality of the beers they make isn't that great. I'm not saying I don't like Bud (it has it's place) but they definitely have an "adjuncty" taste that's associated with poorer quality raw materials. In this, I hope that Goose Island doesn't have to share the AB supply chain. If Goose Island were to have to draw it's supplies from AB instead of whatever private contractor they're currently using, this may cause a problem with the beer quality since they may very well be using the same adjuncts that are used in the kettle for Bud.

Another problem here is the distribution of Goose Island and what that may do to the beer itself. With a wider distribution range afforded by a linking of AB, this means there will be increased demand. I've never seen the GI brewery myself but I can't imagine that it would be able to handle everything that the consumer base of the AB brand can throw at it. This means that, if they aren't already, they may have to switch to high gravity brewing. High gravity brewing is, in essence, making a beer concentrate and then watering it down. You load your mash bill with almost double the amount of grain and you double the amount of hops in the kettle. You ferment it with plenty of yeast at a high gravity so that it comes out with a high ABV, super potent beer at the end. Then, using deoxygenated water, you filter the beer and cut it down to "sales gravity" or a normal ABV. This allows you to make a potent concentrate in your fermenters that you later cut, giving you a larger production volume for the same size fermenters. While this may sound like a godsend, there are some drawbacks. You do end up with a different chemical profile to the beer (less higher alcohols, more estery goodness). You also get a decreased head retention. Your yeast needs to work harder to cope with the additional sugars (as well as the higher final ABV) so you need to pitch more yeast. And this yeast, because of this stress, can't be used as many times as sales gravity brewing can be. And, most telling of all, the product you make, while consistent, often differs from the sales gravity product. In our program, we brewed both a sales gravity and high gravity beer and put them up in a blind taste test of 25 people. Of those 25 people, 10 could tell the difference between the beers. 40% could tell that there was a taste difference. (EDIT: Another friend brought up the fact that there is no statistical trend based on a test where a guess has a 33% chance of getting it right. While I'm generally inclined to agree, based on the ranges of pass/fail from other groups and their beer styles, I found it telling. Lighter beers tended to be less distinguishable while the darker beers tended to be more distinguishable. Take it as you will). This is not exactly something you want happening in a commercial setting, so they may need to adjust their beers with hop extract or caramel. Either they go high gravity, AB decides its worthwhile to buy them larger volume fermenters, or they have to contract out their beer to other AB facilities. And this is assuming that their beer recipes "work" for high gravity brewing. A lot of their higher ABV beers (even the ones approaching 6%) may not work in high gravity brewing. Since they wouldn't cut the beer as much (most high gravs are looking at ~5%) the flavor profile may not fit the traditionally brewed beer.

Is this to say that I won't drink Goose Island stuff anymore? Hell no. If anything, I'd drink it BECAUSE of these changes. Change is not a bad thing, folks. Change is only a bad thing if it's a change for the worse.

Where Do You Draw the "LOTL" Line?

2011-03-20T12:40:00.000-04:00

If you caught my recent cigar post, you'll hear my paltry explanation for why I haven't been doing reviews lately. I'll sum them up for you here, just in case you don't feel like exploring:

1. No time
2. Standing up hurts when your body is a shoddily constructed as mine

Really though, my body is like poorly made building. The construction workers take frequent tea/coffee/whiskey breaks, leaving the proverbial cement of my body to set at lopsided angles. The bricklayers are often drunk or have been spun around in the cement mixer, leaving the brickwork bowed and uneven. There are no architects; there's just a monkey with a crayon. What I'm trying to say is that I've switched to shorter smokes. Much shorter smokes. Alright, I indulge in the occasional cigarette. Fine, have at me.

I can take it. I'm a manly man. Made of cast iron and courage.

Don't hurt me! Oh gods above, I'm so frail.

But unlike many cigarette smokers out there, I'm not hellbent on flooding my bloodstream with nicotine regardless of transferal medium. I like to have cigarettes that taste good. As a matter of fact, one could say that I'm picky about my cigarettes. I've never found a pre-rolled cigarette that tastes good (even the Lucky Strikes lack that burley toastiness). So I hand roll my own cigarettes. And even then, I'm not content to rest on my laurels with one type of tobacco. I mix and match like some sort of deranged tobacco mad scientist or misguided chef. A pinch of this, a touch of that, a sifting of that and then how does it taste. I like to experiment. Taste is always important to me.

This brings me to the crux of the post: am I considered a Lover of the Leaf in this aspect? Does my incessant pursuit of an optimal taste deem me a LOTL? Where does LOTL stop and "junkie" start? I'm not talking in terms of tax reasons here (as we all don't want to pay the ludicrous taxes forced on us) but in terms of what makes a tobacco aficionado a tobacco aficionado. Does that necessarily exclude the "luxury" market of cigarettes? Or, hell, even normal cigarettes. I've seen some cigarette forums out there (yes, there are) that battle with as much tenacity over the flavors of Marlboro 27s as cigar smokers argue over the nuances of the latest Tatuaje release. So I invite you to discuss where the line is drawn in the sand. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Does a Lover of the Leaf (in its most basic terms) exclude those that smoke cigarettes (luxury or otherwise)?

Supreme Small Panatela - Sunday, March 6th

2011-03-06T14:09:00.001-05:00

Yes, yes. A cigar review.

I know I've been lax in the past few months since IPCPR but I have my reasons. They're not particularly good ones nor am I going to say they are an adequate excuse. To start, I have all the IPCPR samples with me but I haven't touched them. What was to be a glorious year spent burning down cigar after cigar in the comfort of my own room crumbled in the first ten minutes of residence in my dorm. Without notifying anyone, they changed the smoking policy from "you may smoke" to "no" over the summer. This left us out in the cold (literally) in terms of smoking. I don't know if you intimately know Scottish weather...but it doesn't make for pleasant smoking conditions. Standing outside in the cold is not a great way to smoke a cigar and I feel that I never get a good sense of a cigar if I'm not enjoying it. And it's hard to enjoy it standing out on a brick patio in the driving rain.

This brings me to another point: standing. You probably don't know this but I have a variety of things wrong with me (physical, this time, not mental) that makes standing for extended periods of time...uncomfy. Overtightened Achille's heels, flat feet, and the body weight of a small rhino make standing for more than thirty minutes...rather painful. Yet again, can't taste shit if I'm not comfortable/enjoying myself.

Those are my reasons but they're no excuse. I'm sorry for letting you down, readers.

That being said...I REALLY want to smoke. It's not like I've given up on smoking. I've just been trying to find shorter smokes. This, unfortunately, means I've been hand-rolling cigarettes instead of cigars (much to my health's chagrin) but slowly I'm branching out into the small cigar territory. This is one exercise in that field.

The Supreme Small Panatela is imported by Hunters and Frankau (more info here). It is made in Holland but with unspecified tobaccos (it seems like most Dutch cigars are made with Java tobacco so I'm going to assume at least some is in there). Here's a photo of 'em:

They look good, don't they. And they sure smell good. But how do they taste? Here's how they taste:

Pre-light draw: Sweet tobacco. Very clean and crisp, almost like a burley. A slight...earthy/moldy funk to it too. Kinda concerning. Oh well.

Since it's so short, I won't bother breaking it up into quarters like I usually do. When you take a puff, the flavor starts out favorable. It has some of that clean and sweet tobacco flavor to start. This evolves into a toast flavor with some roasted peanuts. So far, yum.

Then it hits.

It's an interesting flavor. I'd consider it akin to an herbal liqueur but without any of the favorable herbal depth or flavor. It's just kind of bitter and vegetal. And not vegetal in a good way like a candela wrapper can be. It's like chewing on bitter grass. It wallops the senses hard, mugging them of both cash and capacity to function. All it leaves behind is a slightly green (and very ashy/sooty) aftertaste.

I suppose I can't complain considering the price of these things. I think I paid about £2.66 for 5 of 'em. Will I buy 'em again? Nope. Not worth it at that price either. Their bitterness and grassy flavor far outweighs the positive flavors and price. If you've got any other recommendations for small cigars, leave a comment or send me an email (drinkreviews (AT) gmail [dot] com). I'd love to hear from you. For now, I think I'm going to take a look into more Dutch cigars. These weren't great but I've heard some pretty positive things from other people (and I do rather like Panters).

In With Bacchus TV?

2011-03-02T11:38:00.000-05:00

That happened. Also, follow the directions.

Glenkinchie and Belhaven (Part 2)

2011-03-01T09:32:00.000-05:00

After the dram at Glenkinchie, it was time to hop on board the Boozer's Bus and truck on out to Belhaven Brewery, located in a very sunny and picturesque Dunbar. Located almost directly on the North Sea, it is a pleasant town. A pleasant town that we descended upon like hungry and thirsty Huns. Our Motorized Longboat came crashing down the narrow streets as we screamed war cries and threats to all that passed us by. We were there to slay a terrific demon, a horrible eldrich beastie. That dragon's name was Thirst. And slake our thirst we shall. We arrived at the brewery a bit late (we almost left a few people in the gift shop) but we were ready to plunder and pillage. After grabbing our round shields and short swords, we fled the bus like a tide of death, slaughtering all in our path and taking anything not securely bolted down (those that were loosely bolted down were given 2 minutes of work after which we deemed it "securely").

Ok...I lied a little bit. Just a teeny bit. There was no powerful dragon. We didn't have swords. But we were thirsty. And in the end, we did kinda pillage like Vikings. But they let us pillage so it's not really the same. We got off the bus and were awaited by this sight:

Old fashioned brick and stone? Check.

Kegs? Yeppers.

Massive smoke stack? You bet.

Why yes, I believe we're at a brewery. And Belhaven is a brewery that does things right. Really, really right. None of this "Hey, let's go on a tour and then you can have a half pint after before getting rushed onto the bus". Oh no. Belhaven knows that we are partial to a pint or two. So the first thing they do when we get in there? Do we start in the mill? HEAVENS NO!

We start in the bar for a pint.

The name of the bar is "The Monk's Retreat". Don't believe me? Fine:

While I am far from monastic in terms of morality, I do meet the quota on sobriety and the ever important "look like Friar Tuck" quotient. I felt oddly reverent in this bar. It was like stepping up to take Communion. At first, you're always at the back of the line in church and it's always awkward. Walking past people streaming away from the altar having had their delightful Sunday morning pre-brunch snack and drink:


I ALWAYS got stuck in the very back. And I never ate breakfast before church either.

You start getting closer and that's when the agony sets in. People walk away looking beatified (well, satisfied with having a quick sup during church). Yet again, it happens here:

No Colin, share! For the love of the good god above, share! He would want it that way!

Then you finally get to the front and it's all business then. It's time to put your game face on for Jesus. Same thing at the Monk's retreat:

Sacramental wine AND cracker. In a glass!

Only, at church, you got stuck with that tasteless little Nilla Wafer and a quick snort of what tasted like grape juice with grain alcohol (not that I knew what grain alcohol was at that point). Here, you get a choice of sacrament:

If there was a keg at church, I'd go more. Just saying.

Ahh, much better. A pint of Belhaven's Best went down a treat:

Blessed be!

After a pint and a chat with a few of the big chiefs of the company the tour began in earnest. The Belhaven brewery is massive and brews a lot of beer. Not only do they brew under their name (Belhaven) but they also brew the base beer for Innis and Gunn as well. They're currently owned by Greene King and are undergoing some restructuring. But not in the traditional managerial sense. No, they're building a new brewhouse that will double their capacity. Which means more Belhaven Scottish Ale (called Belhaven Export over here) to put into my tummy. Everybody wins! We start off with this, directly outside of the Monk's Retreat:

A funny little diagram that displays the flow of the brewery. Interesting and antique looking (it looked like it was from the 50s or 60s). The flashing lights mesmerized me for awhile. It was hard to look away. We then progressed along the tour, stopping first at the mill room:

All chutes and ladders in this room. They use, if I remember correctly, a 4 roller Porteus mill:

We then went to the mash tuns:

While it looks like they use an wooden mash tun (like a whisky washback), it's actually a stainless steel tank shrouded in wood to make it look pretty for tours. Frankly, all the gleaming copper and toasty aromas of good Scottish beer being brewed were prettier than some dumb wood. But that's just me. I'm like a thirsty magpie. Beer and shiny things! Next is the kettle:

Yet again if I remember correctly, I believe they use an external gas fired calandria to heat the wort. When they were talking about upgrading the plant they originally wanted to replace this as a gas calandria is extremely inefficient. But they ended up leaving it in place as they were afraid that it might change the flavor of the beer. Which would make me a very, very sad panda. Next were some of their mini fermenters that they use for their small volume beers or test batches:

One of the cooler things they implemented was an in-line aerator seen here:

Instead of aerating through turbulent flow and just kind of guessing how much dissolved oxygen was in the beer, this lovely set-up injected food grade oxygen into the wort at a precise rate. Yay, science! From here we traveled on to their yeast room:

As you can see, they use a cream yeast to ferment instead of brick yeast (cream yeast is aqueous yeast instead of the yeast that comes in large bales). The room and area around it smelled really good but that might be because the ENTIRE BUILDING smelled like boiling malt. But this area definitely had a wonderful bready smell to it. Finally, their main fermenters:

They're...kinda huge. Let's give this some perspective:

That's UNDERNEATH the main fermenters. I had to take the previous photo on the first landing of two flights of stairs. I was debating whether or not to attach one of those hoses to either a very large jug or my mouth. The tour guide had eyes like a hawk (one of the plant engineers) so I had to leave it be. Soon, my sweets. Soon. After this we got to check out their packaging area:

This is their kegging machine, which was being repaired by a bunch of guys standing around scratching their head. It made me smile as it reminded me of my ENTIRE FOUR YEARS AS A CHEMICAL ENGINEER. Ahhh, nothing like absolute bafflement at what you're doing wrong. Only these guys were getting paid to figure it out. I had to pay $50,000 a year to figure it out. Oh, and so the president of my school could have a jet.

I'm not bitter or anything. Really.

Their bottling plant had just recently been removed (it was more economical to tanker beer to be bottled by Greene King) so there was a giant warehouse with nothing in it. Which was kinda spooky. But, I have a question for you. A test, if you will. Ok, pop quiz, hotshot. You use hundreds of pounds / kilograms of malt every day to brew. What do you do with it? Do you scoop it out by hand. Flush it down the drain. If you're Belhaven...

You shoot it into a dumpster through a pipe with blasts of pressurized air. As we walked by the fragrant smell of spent grain lingered in the air an occasionally you would hear a "pssssssht" and then the dull whump of a huge load of spent grain slamming into either steel or more spent grain. It was rather entertaining to watch. After this we got onto the bus and went home to do work and go to sleep early so we could get up and study for finals in April. Hahaha, oh man, that's funny. No, we went back to the bar. Belhaven, in their infinite Scottish wisdom, realized how much students love free beer and free food. So they obliged us:

That's right. Remember what I said so long ago in my Belhaven Scottish Ale review? I'll refresh you:

"My favorite nitro can and one of my favorite beers. While not as good as real draft Scottish ale, this is like a warm blanket on a cold night for me. This is my comfort beer. This and a good piece of beef and ale pie...with a scotch and cigar to finish it off? There's not a happier man"

Oh yeah. Mhmm. That's what that beer is. A pint of Belhaven Export and a Scotch pie. Free. I was in HEAVEN. It was so good. Ahh, makes me wistful just thinking about the tender spicy meat coupled with the cool, malty brew. Mmmmmmmmm. Here's a picture of the merriment, brought to you by Belhaven:

All in all, this was a fantastic day. Not only was it informative and entertaining, it was filling as well. After having a few drams of Glenkinchie and topping that off with more than a few pints of Belhaven (I had the Twisted Thistle, Belhaven Best, Belhaven Export, Belhaven 80/-, some of the Robert Burns Ale, a sip of the St. Andrews Ale, and half a bottle of some beer they brewed for Canada Day or something) I realized that being a brewing and distilling science student is pretty awesome. So cheers to you, Glenkinchie, for the free tour. And a hearty huzzah to the home of my comfort beer, Belhaven, for free reign of the bar for a few hours and some pies. And, most importantly, cheers to you all for reading this. I'm hoping that this is further proof that I do something and that it will quash those rumors. I do things, it's true.

Occasionally I leave Edinburgh to drink.

Glenkinchie and Belhaven (Part 1)

2011-02-12T14:33:00.000-05:00

I've heard rumors going around that are sickeningly malicious. Despite constant assurances, there is a core group of rebels that still don't believe I actually do anything at this school. The photographic evidence from last time has done nothing to satiate their terrible hearsay. So, despite my generally calm and sober demeanor, I have decided to prove, once again, that I do more than just sit around and drink.

One of the key (and exciting) aspects of this course are the field trips we take. While many associate field trips with going to a theme park or a stuffy museum, here in the Brewing and Distilling Science program at Heriot-Watt, we go to...well...breweries and distilleries. Our recent foray into the field saw us at Glenkinchie distillery and Belhaven brewery, both on the same day. Shall I chronicle it for you? Yes, I believe I shall. Hold on to your britches.

9am:

A terrible time for Brewing and Distilling Science students. Some of us are knocking the sleep off our eyes while others are clearly knocking the liquor out of our livers. We crowd onto the coach (it's what they call a bus over here) and find our seats. One of the heads of the department comes on to greet us:

That's Professor James Bryce. In case you couldn't tell by the outfit, he's...how can I put this....awesome. Technically not a brewer himself (he's biology and takes care of the barley/malting aspect of the course) but I forgive him. After a brief chat about the tour he departs for some sort of meeting (probably going to stop crime or something of that ilk). That leaves us on the bus for the half hour ride to Glenkinchie, near Pencaitland. We all settle in for the ride:

9:30am

After about a half hour we arrive at Glenkinchie, itching for some one on one time with the distillery (and a dram, of course). We are greeted by this:

And:

Fine...need more proof? Here:

That is...Kinchie Burn! It runs right next to the distillery. You want MORE?! Greedy...

There, further proof. Now quit complaining and just stay silent while I try to reweave the tale. Ungrateful, I swear. Diageo, being the business savvy company that they are, IMMEDIATELY put us in the gift shop. Many of us buy neat trinkets like coffee cups, mousepads, and posters to hang in our cubicles. Alright, that's a falsehood. We browse whisky:

SOOOO MUCH WHISKY. It was a little slice of heaven for me. Of course, most of it was far out of my price range but it was still nice to browse expressions that weren't really available in the States. Mmmm, Flora and Fauna series. One of the nicest things about Scotland is the predominance of half-bottles, like this one of the Glenkinchie 12:

Note the price. £10 for a 350mL of spirit. Just right to split at a cigar tasting between friends or for a religious tasting. But since we got a dram at the end, I held off. The first part of the tour was a leisurely browse through the museum of the distillery:

Where we were!

Illicit still with manufactured manhole on it. Top notch work for a still you hide.

Worm tub condenser and receiving barrel.

Inside of worm tub. Note there's not a lot of copper. This will result in a heavier spirit.

Dr. Livingston, I presume? No? Well then I'm more sloshed than I thought.

Old bottles of blends. I tried to break the glass, not gonna lie.


Cooper's tools / workbench for barrels. He was sadly put out of his job after the labor issues with Donkey Kong.

One of the coolest things here were the old adverts for the Glenkinchie single malt. It was originally a ten year old malt that changed to a twelve year a few years ago so someone pasted "twelve" or "12" over all of the tens which rendered some of them kinda pointless. But here were a few that still made sense:

But really now, enough of all of that hullabaloo. I didn't come all this way just to look at old ads. I wants me some sweet distillin' action, baby. Let's let that wash flow.

10am:

After the museum, they took us out a back door and to the working distillery. At this point I was so exciting I was vibrating at a frequency that concerned my fellow classmates. I almost hit resonance frequency with the pavement and slipped through but sheer luck kept me from falling. But the entire time I was glowing faintly due to emitting energy. I was then told I would have to stop trembling to prevent fires in the malt room and still room. I reluctantly did so with great difficulty. We begin outside:

Ah yes, random iron plating #342. The pinnacle of all iron platings in the United Kingdom. Forged from the finest iron that money could buy, it is the king of all miscellaneous ferrous grating. But, lo, dear readers, this is not but a humble monarch of the iron-kin. It's actually incredibly important, far beyond it's metallurgical standpoint. This is the malt intake for Glenkinchie. Each day, two huge trucks pull up to this wee spot and dump the grainy lifeblood of whisky into this hallowed trench. This is where the magic begins. But where does it go, you may ask?

Well, I can't show you. We couldn't take pictures in there for fear of starting a fire with all of the malt dust in the air. The bins WERE huge though. Eight in total (two rows of four), they held enough grain to possibly make the aforementioned Professor Bryce quite giddy. But I can show you where the malt goes from the bins:

Behind the glinty ceiling lights and obvious reflection of the humble cameraman lies the steeping grain. This foamy, ruddy goodness will eventually become the wash, the fermented juice that charges the stills. But where is this fermented? I'm sure you'd love to know. Fine, I'll indulge you:

It ferments in one of these bad boys: a wooden washback. A huge wooden tub that is filled with that sweet steepage from before along with a healthy dosing of hearty distillers yeast (capable of handling the high ABVs required for a suitable distilling wash). The cool part (or gross part, depending on your view) is the fact that, since these washbacks are wooden, the pores in the wood will hold microscopic bits of yeast and other bacterial goodies that will promote the production (by sugar/protein/lipid degradation) of flavor characters in the final product. Deeeeeeelicious. With that...we come to the best part. This is the view from the fermentation room:

Look at them. They are beautiful. Whenever Sir Mix-A-Lot talks about "thick soul sistas", I think of these bottom-heavy beauties. After entering the room, I couldn't help but hum Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" (warning, Freddy's in leather pantaloons). A stifling hot room, to say the least, but these copper honeys radiated both heat and delicious liquid love. Literally. It smelled like cooking grain and alcohol in here. It was blissful. I hope, one day, my house smells like that. Maybe I can get it pumped in through central heating. After it leaves the still, it ends up here:

At this point I had a stunning revelation and it really affirmed why I'm in this program. As I stared into this glass and brass chamber, I watched the spirit cuts flow into the holding tank below and I gasped. I was witnessing history. Not in a huge scale, no. But certainly global. The spirit that was pouring from the spout would find a cozy home in a cask soon. It would be rolled into a warehouse and stored on a rack for some time. Maybe it'd be 12 years and the whisky that I saw flow out would end up being drunk as a single malt. Maybe it would be in a blend. But the immense awe that I felt stemmed from the fact that I was seeing whisky that someone would one day drink. I was watching history happen. And that left me speechless. I probably didn't describe it very well but it's hard to put into words. You are seeing the beginning of something monumental. All of that work and time will someday bring someone pleasure. And it's damn worth it, I say.

11am:

After this brief little moment of moving thought, we then went out back to the biofermenters and such that cleaned up the waste effluent before dumping it into the Burn. Then we went to the bonded warehouse to have a peek around:

One day one of those casks will be mine. ALLL MIIIINE.

Then the tour guide popped the cork on a duty-paid barrel and let us have a sniff. I suspect that they actually let customers fill from that barrel (instead of just sniff) as I don't think they have to pay duty to let people smell whisky. Otherwise this is a screwed up country:

11:15am

We then retired to the bar to have a delicious dram. Unfortunately, I can't say that I truly enjoyed my first taste of the Glenkinchie. I really wasn't too big of a fan of the 12 year but the Cask Strength I tried was pretty good. Here's a photo of the glass:

I won't put up tasting notes as I'd really like to give this another crack before passing judgment. If I had to guess a flavor, I'd say "feinty". But the cask strength balanced the feinty taste well so I'll give it that. Don't hold me to those notes though because they're not very fair.

Now I know the post says Glenkinchie AND Belhaven but let's be honest...your internet is considering jumping off the figurative cliff after trying to load all those pictures so I'm gonna break this up into two parts. Because I have far more pictures for Belhaven than for Glenkinchie. So stay tuned.

Press Release: Grant's Whisky Store at Charles De Gaulle Airport

2011-02-03T08:48:00.001-05:00

Received an interesting press release from the Grant's people today. Here it is in full:

GRANT’S WHISKY TAKES OVER STORE AT
CHARLES DE GUALLE AIRPORT IN UNPRECEDENTED BRAND PROMOTION

Grant’s blended Scotch whisky launched the first ever full Grant’s range display with an exclusive brand store with Aelia at the International Terminal 2F at Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris. For the first time the Grant’s range will be on display together with the Grant’s 25 Year Old, Grant’s 12 Year Old, Cask Editions, Distillery Edition, and of course one of the world’s best selling blended whiskies, Grant’s Family Reserve. The store has a limited appearance, only in operation for the month of February 2011.

The exclusive Grant’s blended Scotch whisky shop puts the Grant’s brand family firmly centre stage, highlighting the extraordinary breadth and quality of the range and accentuating its premium crafted nature. Travelers going through Terminal 2F will have the opportunity to sample the entire Grant’s range including the latest edition, the ultra premium Grant’s 25 Year Old, only available in selected airports.

Expertly blended by Grant’s Master Blender, Brian Kinsman, Grant’s 25 Year Old is the latest edition to the family range. As the 6th Grant’s Master Blender, Brian has created Grant’s 25 Year Old to celebrate over a century and five generations of the Grant’s family, as well as their collective contribution to creating the finest Scotch whisky.

“Travellers going through Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris will be the first to see the entire Grant’s range in one place,” says Brian Kinsman. “With the latest introduction of the 25 year old blended Scotch whisky the range tells our unique family history of stories and craftsmanship

Available in the Grant’s Whisky Shop will be:

Grant’s Family Reserve – one of the world’s best loved blended Scotch whiskies, enjoyed in more than 180 countries. Winner of the Gold Medal at the ISC in 2009.

Grant’s Ale Cask Reserve – the only Scotch whisky finished in ale casks. Winner of the Gold Best in Class Medal at the IWSC awards in 2010.

Grant’s Sherry Cask Reserve – matured in Oloroso casks for extra layers of spice and nuttiness. Winner of the Gold Medal at the ISC awards in 2010.

Grant’s Distillery Edition – non chill-filtered and sold in a giftable gold carton and exclusive to Global Travel Retail

Grant’s 12 Year Old – a new dimension in Scotch whisky, finished in American whiskey casks for six months. Winner of the Gold at the IWSC awards in 2010

Grant’s 25 Year Old - exclusive to Global Travel Retail, this unique individually numbered batch celebrates over 110 years and five generations of the Grant’s family, containing some of the world’s most highly-prized and distinctive malt and grain whiskies, including the first whisky ever laid down at Grant’s Girvan distillery. Grant’s 25 Year Old was named “Best Blended Scotch Whisky, 19 Years and Over” in Jim Murray’s 2011 Whisky Bible.

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While I certainly applaud them for bring whisky to the consumer at a duty-free price, I do have to admit that the Distillery Edition / 25 Year Old chafes me a touch. As a man without the ways and means to afford constant travel, I often miss out on the Travel Retail Exclusive bottlings that most companies make. It makes sense to bottle and sell intriguing/different bottlings exclusively at airports but damn it, I like getting my hands on EVERYTHING a line-up has to offer. I can't afford international airfare every time I want to buy a rare release. I need some jet-setting friends with deep pockets and room in their carry-ons, I suppose. It is nice that they're able to sample at the airport. That's a huge no-no in the States from what I've seen. A shame too. Everyone likes a free buzz on the plane.

What are your thoughts?

Havana Club Barrel Proof - Sunday, Jan. 30th

2011-01-30T16:32:00.002-05:00

This is not the review you're thinking of.

I am a stickler for rules. I never break them. That whole phrase about rules are meant to be broken makes my blood pressure rise until blood starts seeping out my tear ducts. I weep tears of blood when rules are broken. You can count on it.

I have never done ANYTHING illegal. No sir. I have totally never drank underage. I have also never, ever, ever done speedballs with Chris Farley shortly before the filming of Tommy Boy. Ok...one of those is a lie. (Hint: I don't drink.)

I am also a staunch supported of the United States. And, combined with the fact that I am all about the rules, I can assure you that I follow all of the laws of the United States while here abroad. I stop kids trying to drink before 21. I drink coffee instead of that dastardly tea that cost us so much way back when. I drive on the right side of the road and always at 55mph. But most importantly, I NEVER buy Cuban products. Ever. According to the United States Treasury (brings up a PDF):

"The question is often asked whether United States citizens
or permanent resident aliens of the United States may
legally purchase Cuban origin goods, including tobacco and
alcohol products, in a third country for personal use
outside the United States. The answer is no. The
Regulations prohibit persons subject to the jurisdiction of
the United States from purchasing, transporting, importing,
or otherwise dealing in or engaging in any transactions
with respect to any merchandise outside the United States
if such merchandise (1) is of Cuban origin; or (2) is or
has been located in or transported from or through Cuba; or
(3) is made or derived in whole or in part of any article
which is the growth, produce or manufacture of Cuba. "

However, there has been a large market for replica products of Cuban goods. While many are designated as "fakes", or copies of Cuban products sold as Cuban goods, there is also much trading of "Carbon Copy" products. Produced to exactly replicate the flavor profiles and nuances of Cuban cigars and rum, they are widely available in foreign countries for U.S. tourists to bring back. For all intents and purposes, they are exactly the same as their Cuban counterparts but are NOT their Cuban counterparts. Please bear that in mind.

It is with great honor that I got to try a recent addition to the "Carbon Copy" market, the Havana Clüb Barrel Proof rum. A masterfully done blend of the finest rums available by a secret group of rum aficionados located in Cologne, Germany, Havana Clüb (rhymes with "tube") Barrel Proof is the Western replacement for the highly illegal, super duper terrible Havana Club Barrel Proof. Here's a picture:

Totally and utterly NOT Cuban rum.

As you can see, it is clearly German. You can obviously see the umlaut. Completely German, not Cuban. Yup. Here are the flavor notes:

The nose is spectacularly flowery. Heavy hints of jasmine, and bergamot. An earthy quality as well reminiscent of mud or bitter coffee. Curacao peel as well. Quite complex.

The taste is rather nice. The flowery quality of the nose comes through with jasmine and a Earl Grey tea like quality. Not as sweet as I expected it would be. Some burnt sugar/creme brulee flavors as well. Slightly tannic and astringent too. I wonder what kind of wood they age it on.

Overall, a fine effort by those secretive German blenders. It is a fine example of what I've read to be the genteel, lighter Cuban style. Clocking in at 45% ABV, exactly like the Cuban counterpart, it has enough oomph to deliver that fragrant style. I think the taste might get washed out at a lower ABV though. Unfortunately, I won't be able to compare the Havana Clüb Barrel Proof to the Havana Club Barrel Proof any time in the near future. A shame but as I said, I stick to the rules.

Harlem Kruiden Liqueur - Wednesday, January 26th

2011-01-26T17:31:00.000-05:00

Herbal liqueurs are all the rage today. Seriously. If I have to hear one more frat boy loudly chant "Jagerbombs", something will burn. I like Jager and all but people need to branch out. Jager is not the only herbal tincture in the book. There's Schwarzhog (remember?), Strega, Galliano, Unicum, Chartreuse, Benedictine...

And Harlem.

Truth be told, I hadn't heard of Harlem (yeah, alliteration!) until I got a chance to chat (again) with them on Twitter. Personally, I like herbal liqueurs. A nice cold shot of Jager is, sometimes, the best medicine for a heavy meal. A digestif is always nice. Needless to say I wanted to try some of this Harlem liqueur and the Harlem people were happy to oblige. So they sent me a bottle and told me to go nuts.

No, I didn't mix it in Red Bull.

I didn't need to. Or want to. Why? Because it's not Jager. It doesn't look like Jager, it doesn't smell like Jager, it doesn't taste like Jager. It's from Holland, not Germany. It's a creature all of its own. And it's quite delicious (if pungent). I tried it warm (to get a sense of what's in it) and cold (to see how it it fares in the serving manner of most bars). Here are the results. And some pictures.

Oh, hello bottle. Fancy meeting you here. On my desk.

Come closer, you say? Of course you don't bite. You're a bottle. A fancy bottle.

Showing me your bottom! You naughty minx.

Warm:

Nose: Wheeeeeew. The nose on this is pretty intense. Bitter orange, anise, clove. Makes my nose tingle something fierce. Cinnamon. It's hard to pick individual spices out. The overall combination gives it a bubblegum smell but as you sniff it different herbs poke out to tantalize you. Crafty spices. Always getting the best of me.

Taste: Wow....uh. It's really hard to describe but I'll try. That bubblegum flavor comes through along with clove. Peppery too. Very intense. Has hints of cola to it too. Very warming as well. Almost fiery. It's a really unique beverage to be truthful. There's definitely bitter orange in this though, it's really strong and puckering in the background. This is almost overbearing warm. Now I know why they say to drink it ice cold.

Cold:

Nose: Ahhh, much better. The smell has calmed down to a level at which it doesn't feel like my nostrils are being assaulted by Marines jabbed with needles of adrenaline. The strongest smell is clove overlaying bitter orange. A delicious earthiness comes out as well, providing balance and contrast to the sweeter aromatics. That nose-tingling aspect has vanished as well. Lemon peel too. Anise maybe?

Taste: Mmmmm, now this is some cracking good stuff. Everything has toned wayyyy down. It still has a pleasant alcohol bite to it (it's 40%, not 30%). The clove has dimmed quite a bit; instead of dominating everything it intermingles with the orange. The cola flavoring has turned from hints to prominence on the finish. Lemon and ginger too.

Ok, here's how this works.

Step 1: Buy bottle of Harlem
Step 2: Look at bottle of Harlem sitting on your counter. Revel in its beauty. But under no circumstances are you to drink it warm. EVER. SENSORY OVERLOAD.
Step 3: Put bottle of Harlem in freezer.
Step 4: Wait 2 hours.
Step 5: Sip on ice or in shots.

It's actually a really fascinating drink. I wouldn't, couldn't, and shan't drink it warm again. It's just too overbearing warm. You actually need the cold to condense and limit the fragrance. But cold, it's pretty nice. Definitely nothing I've ever had before...but nice none-the-less. This definitely ISN'T a substitute for Jager; I find Jager to be completely different. Harlem is definitely far more citrus and cinnamon / clove while Jager has a more herbaceous, "green" taste to it. But I'd be intrigued to see how this functions in a Jagerbomb like setting. I think I'd call it "The Harlem Cannonade". Because, let's be honest here...cannonade sounds like a beverage. Lemonade and flying iron. Mmm.

The Lucky Russian

2011-01-15T10:10:00.000-05:00

A long, long time ago...I can still remember when D-Day used to make me smile.
And if I had an opportunity...that's where I would like to be...drinking on sunny Saturday morn.
But, my friends, alack and alas...time must continue to pass...
I left her hallowed halls...now life's got me by the balls
I don't know if I'll cry...when D-Day will pass me by...
I will, I'm sure, heave a sigh...
A year sans D-Day is nigh.

Sorry for getting sentimental with you there. I'm going to miss D-Day. In case you haven't followed me up until this point, D-Day is the annual "get up at 8am and drink your face off" day at University of Rochester. Short for Dandelion Day, it originated as a final hurrah on the last Saturday of the spring semester, right before the hefty wallop of spring finals and inevitable graduation. I shit you not on the details. It is customary for people of all ages to get up early just to drink. I saw people that couldn't even get up for a 11am class arise at the asscrack of dawn and take a travel mug of a rum and coke into the shower. That was just the kind of debauchery the day brought on.

My last year we decided to celebrate D-Day big. We were going to start the day off with a time-honored tradition of booze and cereal but we were having a distinctly hard time of agreeing on what to eat. My friend Ryan (of Fat B's fame) suggested we greet the day with the time honored meal known as Beerios. My other friends Chris and Mark (or, when he's drunk, Donc) suggested, perhaps, we buck the trend and substitute wine to make a hearty bowl of Wine-os. Both were extremely unappetizing to me. Seriously. Whole grain Cheerios swimming in a lake of cheap beer or boxed wine does not a solid breakfast make. Just thinking about it makes me rather queasy. So I prompted another solution. Here it is:

In a bowl, combine vodka, Kahlua, and heavy cream to make a White Russian. On top of this, pour a generous serving of Lucky Charms. Grab a spoon and cram into an awaiting, salivating maw.

I called it "The Lucky Russian".

Unfortunately, we never got to try out my shockingly good and alcoholic idea. Instead of starting the day off with cereal we started the day off representing the Chemical Engineers in a case race. We won (because the team that finished 5 minutes before us had two extra people, the cheats) so I guess it evens out. But the idea of the Lucky Russian languished in obscurity in my nicotine and ethanol sodden mind until break. It was time to break out this barnstormer of a boozy repast. Let's get cracking, shall we?

To start, we need our raw ingredients:

Really, any vodka works in this situation. A White Russian is a pretty forgiving drink as far as liquor quality. We used Boru because we had it on hand (and in sufficient amount). Also, it's not too strong on flavor that would mask things. Everything had to be cold though, so the vodka and the Kahlua went into the freezer with the light cream in the fridge. A White Russian is served over ice but, since you can't really put ice into a bowl of cereal without some really awkward questions, we opted just to chill the shit out of everything. Next, our base spirit and liqueur were added to the bowl:

It was actually pretty damn awesome to see them separate out by density like this. The vodka kinda formed an ethanol-y window to the murky depths of coffee liqueur. It was vaguely Lovecraft-ian in a hooch sort of way. Now, the milk:

Mmm, light cream. We used the light cream at first (because it was cheaper than heavy) but ended up having to do both a mix of light cream and milk since we were pretty heavy handed in pouring. We give it a stir to incorporate everything:

And then we pour on the love. And by love, I mean sugary sweet Lucky Charms. When we bought them, we were slightly worried because the only box they had were "Whole Grain Swirled", which were whole grain cereal bits with the balloons a swirly, Spin-Art color. We were distinctly troubled by the healthy kick for a cereal so righteously terrible for you as Lucky Charms but they were still tooth rottingly sweet so all was safe. Ok, here we go, first spoonful:

And the verdict is:

It was actually pretty damn good. Being the boozehound that I am, I made it pretty strong though. It kinda tasted like licking a hospital floor. Pretty medicinal. I had to tinker with the volume throughout the night until I got to the right ratio. For my tastes, we were looking at a 1.1 to 1 mixture of vodka to Kahlua (we measured in rough pour counts). A 1 to 1 mixture was a touch weak when filled to the brim with dairy but the 1.1 (a 1 count plus a spoonful) made a huge difference in making the Kahlua flavor pop out more and giving it the oomph it needs. Luckily enough, I hit my ratio pretty early and was content with refilling the Bowl of Indulgence a few times. Nicole, however, had a bit of trouble making hers. When she first made it and she finally poured the light cream in...it was still brown. Really brown. It was like that dirty snow you end up shoveling onto the pristine white snow while you dig your house out. Here's us tasting it:

As evidenced by the pictures, it was godawful strong. Caitlin referenced it as "what was left after Chernobyl". We couldn't figure out HOW she did it but she managed to make it taste not like cereal, milk, or even booze but just plain burning. It was like trying to eat a brush fire. I guess she forgot that Kahlua had an ABV and added a whole lot of it or something. Either way, it was nigh inedible until we made the necessary corrections:


Some dairy...

Seriously...pour on the dairy...

It was interesting, actually. For those of us that "accidentally" made our White Russians "college strength", it seemed that the thing to cut it with wasn't the light cream but plain semi-skim milk. One would think the richness of the cream would combat the ethanol burn but the semi-skim did a far better job on an equal volume comparison. One day I'll investigate it. And, being the fine guests we were, we had to share the love of the Lucky Russian:

Many of you may think it cruel and unusual but this cat drinks more than I do. One time, while playing video games and drinking bourbon at my cameraman's house (he owns Blackbeard, the cat) I turned to my glass to find the cat drinking my bourbon. While normally I would threaten death and dismemberment on ANYONE pilfering my bourbon...the cat was too awesome to kill. It simply had a few licks and went to sleep on the couch. Kinda like I do. It really liked the Lucky Russian too. It kept coming back around the island in the kitchen, circling like a shark and faintly mewling. Finally, we decided to experiment with other cereals. For science, of course:

This was actually equally as good as the Lucky Charms. These were Banana Nut Cheerios and it was surprising how much I liked the combo. I can't imagine eating them with a base of beer or wine though. That makes me gag a teeny bit.

So there you have it. A breakfast for those Mondays when a cup of coffee and an two hours commute to your cubicle just won't cut it. The best part is after you eat a few bowls of this you don't have to drive and you can make one of the other suckers in your carpool chauffeur your ass to work. The best part about the Lucky Russian is the fact that, as the cereal marinates in the boozy goodness that is a White Russian, the marshmallows start to dissolve. As the alcohol breaks down those little sugary bastards, the milk floods with their magical colors, making your bowl an explosion of awesome like a mixture of Spin Art and fireworks. Truly a magical meal.

Now if only a bowl of this stuff could make me teleport like that bastard leprechaun.

Customs

2010-12-19T15:31:00.000-05:00

When I first got into Heriot-Watt, the handbook for my hall said that I can smoke in my room. I was very, very happy. Banished to the cold, harsh, and deplorable conditions of a New York winter in order to smoke, the idea of smoking a cigar in the warmth and comfort of my room was heaven. Thus, I began planning. Scheming, if you will. I was hell-bent to send all of my cigars to myself over there and smoke until my face resembled a catcher's mitt. In one year, I was going to smoke so much I would start to look like Keith Richards. So I packed up 100 cigars (the customs limit) and put them in my luggage. The rest I carefully (read: CAREFULLY) packed in Ziploc bags with plenty of bubble wrap and padding. This I shipped. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control (my mom put CIGARS on the customs list form) my package got the friendly inspection from Customs and a healthy £332.84 bill (about $525). I can't afford this, let alone should I afford this for cigars I bought for my personal consumption (some almost 3 or 4 years ago). Thus, I declined. Customs said that they would return it back home after 20 days. Since I had packed it with some of my humidity beads and some disposable gel humidifiers, sealed it up good and packed it tight, I was happy to let it go home. It only took about 2 weeks to get there anyway. Wouldn't take too long to come back, right?

This was the end of September.

Flash forward to last week. I call home to check in with my parents and my mom says "I have a surprise for you. You have to guess what it is".

I asked for three clues. The clues she gave were:

"You know what it is.
It didn't weigh much.
You've been expecting it"

She told me my package of cigars had finally come home. I'd been worried (since Customs never told me if it actually got shipped home). She said that she wasn't going to open it and that I should deal with it when I got home. I got home last night and opened it up.

At this point in time, I suggest removing small children and those faint of heart from the room. If you are in any way, shape, or form, a lover of the leaf or cigars in general, I suggest purchasing a large, economy size pack of tissues from Sam's Club or Costco. You will cry. A lot. Here is a picture of what I got back.

This is what I could "salvage":

This is what I couldn't:

Some of the damage:

That's wrapper on the right.

As you can see, they apparently hired some fine, upstanding members of society to run the rock tumbler that they call "cigar inspection". All of the packing from the cigars was GONE. The only thing holding them in was the other crap I put in the box and the lone, flimsy piece of bubble wrap. They were allowed to just roll around in the box. I also say "salvage" because, despite my humidifying bead's best efforts, these things are BONE. DRY. I picked one of them up and the thing audibly cracked. The rest have wrappers (or, in some of the worse cases, binders) that flake off like dead skin if handled for more than a few seconds. What stable ones I could find I put in a humidor with a bunch of humidifying beads and whatever else I could find to hold water. But, seeing as they've been dehumidified for almost 3 months, I give them little chance of survival. In any case, I do have something up for sale. I'm now specializing in snuff:

I will DEFINITELY be contacting Customs. Granted yes, I didn't pay for them to ship it back, that doesn't mean they can beat the shit out of my stuff. Here's a picture of the box:

So yeah. Snuff is $3 for the lot of it. Gotta make some money back somehow.

Glasgow Whisky Festival

2010-12-06T19:13:00.000-05:00

I love good whisky festivals. A good whisky festival has all the necessities of humanity; the ups and downs. It has the dichotomy that enriches life. You have the intellectuals arguing over wood finishes, ages, and tasting notes. You have the common man both getting his/her crunk on and involuntarily expanding their palate for a cheap price. You have the lovers. You have the fighters. The highs and the lows of inebriation. All collaborate to make for not just a blissful exercise in expanding my taste profile but expanding my view of humanity. All through whisky.

Whisky is a beautiful thing. Many feel, unjustly, that it is a scourge upon humanity. There are those that feel that the drink only brings about pain and loss, hardship and strife. If you ever sit down and talk to those people, you'll find in general that they have a hard time seeing the bright side of life. For them, it's all about seeing the glass half empty and trying desperately to keep people from emptying it outright. I'm of the opinion that draining the glass, the glass of life, is all that we can do with the years granted to us. Those that seek to admonish alcohol as a social ill need to see the forest for the trees, sometimes. You can take individual cases of heartbreak or you can see the bigger picture and how convivial and complementary alcohol is to life, liberty, and (certainly) the pursuit of happiness.

Glasgow Whisky Festival, organized by the Glasgow Whisky Club and Mark Connelly, securely fits into the heading of "good whisky festival." A four hour romp of whisky and merriment is precisely what the doctor had ordered for the 13th of November. Well, technically, the doctor ordered me to stop drinking and smoking cigars but what does he know. He's just jealous, I say. Held at The Arches under Glasgow's Central Station, it proved to be a wonderful exercise in ignoring the good doctor's orders. Here is the entrance to the Valhalla of whisky:

You can see that the name "The Arches" is not some post-modern, slightly facetious and more than slightly ironic, attempt at a clever name. It is literally just a series of brick arches, much like an old subway station would be. And inside these series of tubes was a plethora of whisk(e)y that made me weak at the knees. I spent the first ten minutes wandering aimlessly in a state of whisky shock. So much to try and no direction! A polite nudge from one of my friends in the program (who works at Royal Mile Whiskies) helped me solidify my position and finally hit the ground running. And, without further ado, the tasting list:

Wemyss Malts: Oh Wemyss, how you have tempted me for years. Your siren's song of independent bottled, cask strength, non-chill filtered whisky had called to me across oceans vast and deep but, alas, the good ship Bacchus couldn't brave the rough seas. Ok, that's a far more lyrical description of what's actually happening. Suffice to say, Wemyss is...difficult to find in the States. While they did release a series over there not a whole lot of places find themselves stocking the Wemyss malt range which breaks my damn heart. I finally got to have a small tipple of Wemyss at the Whisky Festival and what a tipple it was. A 19 year old Mortlach entitled "Barbeque Sauce", it was a pretty apt name. With a deliciously sherried and chocolatey nose (like those chocolate covered cherries), the taste of it opens up beautiful for a 55% ABV spirit. It's full of figs, raisins, and currants with a waft of sherry. The smoke comes out to play as well. A nice representation of, say, a fruity Carolina style BBQ sauce. They had a super secret bottle of Springbank hidden under the table that I didn't know about. Curse you Wemyss Malts, you tricksy hobbitses! Smeagol wanted to catch him a nice old Springbank.

Old Pulteney: Stopped by the Old Pulteney table to chat with the fellows over at Edinburgh Whisky Blog who were working diligently to fill glasses and talk shop. It was cool to finally meet them. Even though we live in the same city and love whisky a hell of a lot, all three of us had to travel to Glasgow just to meet up. Ah, life. You are crazy, aren't you. While we chatted, Lucas poured me a dram of the Old Pulteney 17 which an incredibly surprising dram. One would think that 17 years on mainly ex-bourbon (some sherry) would leave this a right old wood-infused monster but...it almost drank like new make. The nose was sweet cream butter and a hint of vanilla with some cherry syrup. The taste was incredibly spirit forward. Very light and creamy with only subtle touches of oak. It tasted almost like a scone with clotted cream and jam but in 17 year old whisky form. Yeah, I dunno where I'm going with that one but it's really creamy, fruity and cereal-y for 17 years on bourbon'd wood.

Glen Grant: Here's probably a huge surprise for everyone - I really like Glen Grant. It is definitely my preferred drinking scotch. Its early expressions aren't confusing complex, overly woody, or pungently powerful. They're light, clean, and fresh. Thus, if I'm working on a paper (like, oh, I dunno, my literature review) or something of that ilk, I likes me a healthy tot of Glen Grant to sip while I work. It doesn't steal my attention, assault my taste buds, or leave my tongue tasting like a smoked leather boot. While at the show I got to try an expression that isn't available in the US which was a treat for me. The Major's Reserve, a 7 year old blend, was fantastic. Young whisk(e)y isn't given enough accord these days. With a nose of butterscotch and polished wood and a taste smacking of light oak, strawberry, orange, and plum it is a beautifully light and fragrant scotch that I will definitely have to revisit. The price? About £19. Huttah! Ben, who was representing Glen Grant, suggested I seek out last year's Glen Grant Cellar Reserve 16 year old, which I definitely will try to do. If you've got some sources out there, dear readers, willing to part with a small sample, email me.

Compass Box: This booth was my ruin. Literally. I arrived at the booth having only had the Spice Tree and Orangerie. Chris saw to it to educate me. Well, his definition was educate me. My definition was more along the lines of "watch your feet because I'm about to drop some knowledge...and whisky". I arrived at this booth moderately sober, I left this booth with a strange hankering for a Big Mac. Which I fulfilled. Fun fact: the fries over here aren't as good. Regardless, Chris walked me through THE ENTIRE RANGE. So here we go. This is an In With Bacchus Mini-Guide to The Compass Box:

Asyla - Soft and gentle. A warm embrace of a scotch. Pears in syrup, apples, and a faint grain quality to it. Subtle and nice, but didn't blow me away too much.

Oak Cross - Beefy/weighty and woody with a quality of polished church pews on the nose. Taste is like licking said pews. Oddly, it works. The grain sweetness keeps it from being too overpowering. It also keeps it from making you feel like a beaver making a dam.

Peat Monster - Smells like a smokehouse bbq shack. Sea weed and brine, campfire and burn barrel full of autumn leaves. The taste is like Omberto Beef Jerky and pastrami (sans mustard). Very nice stuff.

Hedonism - I'm pretty sure I have to like it just because of the name. Nose is almost grappa-y/grapey with a poignant gristy undertone. Taste is sweet cream butter, fresh mowed grass, and salted caramel. Good stuff.

Flaming Heart - Nose is the classic smoke and oak (smoak!). Sooty and tarry with righteous peat influence. The taste is meaty and smokey with, amazingly....grapefruit. A dram to blow the mind.

Double Single - Nose of Macintosh apples fresh from the tree. Almost like standing in the field picking them, the ripe apple smell mingles with the fresh smell of morning dew on a crisp fall morning. Pears too. Tastes of said apples and pears, orange peel, and delicious.

Hedonism 10th Anniversary - My favorite dram of the entire show. The nose is mossy, earthy, and piny. Smells like a wet forest floor. Vanilla and oak peek out as well. The taste...the taste is absolutely crazy. It might have been my palate but it had a juniper flavor, along with pine pitch, tar, and rich earthy quality. A pine forest after spring rain. Fantastic dram that I'll have to re-investigate to make sure that this dram actually exists.

Thanks Chris for the walk-through. It was enlightening to say the least.

Vintage Malt Whisky Company: Hadn't heard much about these guys which is a shame as they had a huge range that (thanks to Chris) I could barely even touch. I did get to try their Finlaggan, a private bottled single malt Islay. The nose has two types of smoke to it both a rich, damp smoke of Laphroaig/Lagavulin and the milder, spicier smoke of an Ardbeg. It also had some lemon floor cleaner as well. The taste was thin and lacking body but followed the nose. If I had to imagine, this couldn't be a very old malt (maybe 6-8 years old). It just seems a touch thin to me. But, regardless, it's not a bad deal for about £23.

Bruichladdich: Ah Bruichladdich, always bucking the trend. with your Octomores and your X4+3. Tried some of the newer releases from Bruichladdich while at the table. Joanne recommended the Organic which I was happy to oblige a dram of. The nose is double cream, caramel, golden syrup, and grist. The taste follows with that double cream, grist, and a slight sherry and dark fruit influence from the cask. Not bad stuff. I like it considering it reminds me of new make spirit which I have an ungodly passion for. On the other end of the spectrum, I tried their new Sherry Cask. Nose was straight sherry and a barnyard/musty smell. Some stale grain too. The taste was sherry, cherries, and sour notes. Strong cooked barley too. Not a fan of this one, I'm afraid. Still need to try more of their stuff before I pass sound judgement.

Diageo - Stopped by the Diageo table to score me a sweet, sweet dram of Talisker. I am an unabashed fan of Talisker and I have no problems saying it. It has the best balance of sweet and smoke that only gets richer and more intense with age. I got to try a real treat at the show in the form of the Talisker Distiller's Edition which was magic in a glass. It was plummy and pruney, with that fantastic spicy smoke. It was almost like sweet and spicy ribs in liquid form. I could drink this every day and, if my student budget didn't allow it, I would. Buy some. I command it. Thanks for the pour, Donald!

William Grant and Sons - Last stop of the show was the Glenfiddich table. I've had a decent amount of the stuff at Glenfiddich (mainly their younger expressions) but the one I came here for was a super special one that I knew I wouldn't be able to get my hands on anywhere else. The Glenfiddich Snow Phoenix, a blend made up of casks located under the collapsed roof at their warehouses (which collapsed due to heavy snow-fall). The nose was potent toffee, caramel, and boiled sweets. The taste followed with a slightly minty and boiled candy taste (like those minty Christmas candies) along with Granny apple and cinnamon. A nice dram but I'm afraid that most people will let it sit on a shelf as a collectors piece rather than drink it.

And there you go, the inaugural Glasgow Whisky Festival. Sorry it took so long to get this up (finals are currently kicking my ass and stealing his lunch money). Thanks Mark and Glasgow Whisky Club for putting on an amazing show. The ONLY problem I had was the lack of water towards the end but that's minimal considering the water was free. And I drank a lot of it. In any case, if you want to join the hundreds of attendees next year, the tickets are already available here. I'd love to go but it all depends on whether or not I'm still in jolly olde Scotland(e) come next November. But hopefully I'll see you there.

Boutique Bar Show

2010-11-07T17:02:00.001-05:00

I love booze shows. There's just something festive and delightful about going to a convention for drinking. From the Whisky Lives I've attended to the Indy Spirits Expo, showcasing different alcohol in a professional setting is something that just tickles my fancy. The Boutique Bar Show Edinburgh was no different. A rather extensive list of pours from not just the UK but from all around the world makes it almost like the Epcot of getting shit-house drunk.

Not far from Edinburgh's Royal Mile (just off of Leith Walk), it was a rather picturesque day, in a cloudy way. There was a nice breeze bustling about as I got off the bus on Prince's street and began my trek to the venue, the Mansfield Traquair. Sometimes I drink on a boat. Sometimes I drink in a convention center. This time...

I drank in a church. Sacrilicious.

This was not lost on me. The Mansfield Traquair, originally built in 1873 and consecrated in 1876, was a Catholic Apostolic church until the death of the last Apostolic priest in 1958. After changing hands several times, it was purchased by the Edinburgh Council and, eventually, by the Mansfield Traquair Trust. Now I'm going to drink in it. Aside from the obvious, this job has some deliciously ironic perks.

Walking in, the potent blast of high proof spirits and Catholic guilt assails the senses. The walls are coated in murals, the ceiling framed in stained glass. It would be awe-inspiring if I wasn't about to wet my pants in glee over what was on the floor. Three rows, maybe ten booths deep, full of delicious beverages. Baby, I was home and read to take me a little bit of communion.

I'm skipping any more of these fancying words. Time to get down to the nitty gritty. Here's what I tried, in the order I tried it. Hold on tight, kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride:

Fever Tree: I finally got to try some Fever Tree. I've heard from various bartenders that it's a great product to mix with but it's distribution in the US was pretty limited. I think just as I left Rochester, Wegman's got it on their shelves. Either that or it was there before but so ludicrously expensive thanks to mark-up that my Scottish Senses prohibited me from seeing it. Either or, this stuff is pretty delicious. Their ginger ale was nice, if rather plain. It did have a nice clean and fresh ginger taste to it and it was absolutely crisp and refreshing. They use only sugar in their products so the ginger flavor wasn't absolutely destroyed by HFCS. Their ginger beer was absolutely stunning though. Sweet and bubbly on the forefront, the ginger heat only reared after you swallowed; it was a pleasant warming and spicy feeling. Quite different than the fire-water some ginger beers are. While I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for a Dark and Stormy (you need that gingery aggressiveness for it), it would make a mean Bourbon Highball / Whiskey and Ginger. Their tonic was quite nice as well and would serve as a delicious partner to a lighter floral gin. I think it is too clean and too refined for the heavy juniper bruisers but I may be wrong.

AnCnoc: I was fortunate to try both the 12 and the 16. The 12 was quite young and fruity tasting with orange peel/marmalade and lemon twist to it. The 16 was much preferred, with a heavy oak, vanilla, and brown sugar clout to it that means it's definitely hibernated in a ex-bourbon barrel for awhile. A touch of dark fruit to it means it was probably blended with some sherry butts as well. I also got to try a AnCnoc-hito which is a riff on a mojito using the AnCnoc 12 year. It was...ok. The sugar syrup, lime, and mint overpowered the spirit a bit too much. The cocktail sought to mask the flavors, not work with them, I think. It was still refreshing though, considering I was thirsty.

J. Wray and Nephews: I got to try a few of the things at their table: the Appleton 8, the Koko Kanu (Jamaican coconut rum) and the Licor 43. The Appleton 8 was pleasant in that pot still-y kind of way, the Koko Kanu wasn't as syrupy sweet as I was assuming it was going to be but the real champion of this table was the Licor 43. It is a predominantly vanilla flavored liqueur with a variety of bittering herbs in it. Only a few know all 43 ingredients in it (hence the name). It is really, really delicious. A very buttery vanilla flavor akin to melted vanilla bean ice cream coupled with the balance of the bittering herbs makes this a delicious drink. If I got a bottle of it, I'd make it into milkshakes or perhaps put it in Sprite. Very good stuff, even for it's almost ludicrous viscosity.

Marblehead: Marblehead is the UK importer for a variety of things but at the show they had Zubrowka and Kraken Rum. Zubrowka is a bison grass flavored vodka that I've heard quite a bit about but it wasn't allowed in the US thanks to the FDA. It recently broke into the US market after a lot of wrangling but I got to try the actual stuff over here in the far less restrictive Scotland. They had a cool little walk-through for analyzing their spirit:

From left to right it was bison grass extract, plain rye vodka, and the final product. The bison grass extract (which we couldn't drink) was like nothing I'd ever smelled before. It smelled of black tea, granola, vanilla, almond, and cookies. It has this vegetable and baked good smell, almost like someone made zucchini bread with vanilla extract and served it to you with a cup of tea. I wanted to drink it really, really bad but it said not to. The rye was nothing extraordinary: slightly sweet and spicy with a fresh rye loaf and earth flavor. Together though, it made a delicious mix. The Zubrowka had the qualities of both the "neutral" spirit and the extract: it tasted like cut grass, jasmine tea, and vanilla with that scrumptious rye zing. Pretty impressive stuff.

I also got to try the Kraken as well. I say this not because I've never had it (see here) but because the product over here comes in at a different ABV. In the states (as mentioned here) it clocks in at about 43% but the UK import is only 40%. (EDIT: Jesus, it clocks in at 47%. I can't tell what's worse: that I forgot that or my palate has managed to forget a drop of 4% ABV.) For sipping purposes, I think the 40% Kraken works better because, despite my love of cask strength anything, the flavors really are more pronounced. The caramel and black pepper really pops and the cinnamon and cardamom mesh better. But for mixing purposes, stick with the 43%. Either way, everything's gravy, baby.

Babicka Vodka: This may very well have been my favorite product at the show, mainly because it was so damn unique. These days, absinthe is coming back in a big and bad way. With the repeal of the US ban, dozens upon dozens of absinthes are flooding into the market. Some are mass-market offerings which range from poor to good. Then there's the artisan stuff that ranges from okay to "will trade liver for lifetime supply". But everyone (including the FDA) always focuses on one thing: the wormwood. But it's never about the flavor of wormwood, it's always about the supposed effects. Fun fact: hallucinations and shit weren't from wormwood, they were from the copper sulfides and lead based salts used to give fake absinthe the proper color and louching properties. In order to feel anything from thujone, you'd have to drink something like 4x the lethal limit of alcohol.

Here's where Babicka comes in. An extremely simplistic idea: a wormwood vodka. Not playing on the "woo, let's get twisted" avenue of absinthe, they play to the fact that wormwood indeed has a flavor. And this stuff is good. A corn based vodka infused with wormwood, the flavor is almost gin-like. Herbal and sweet (thanks to the corn base), there's notes of orange peel, lemons, a slight welcoming bitterness. It's a great spirit. I want to get a bottle and make martinis with it. 2 oz. of Babicka with dry vermouth and a grapefruit twist would probably blow my shoes straight across the room. I like this stuff and would recommend it. Here's hoping it comes to the US.

Bitter Truth: Yup, you read that right. I got to meet the Bitter Truth guys. I spent an inordinate amount of time pretty much worshiping Stephan Berg, the owner. We chatted about cocktails and he gave me the lo-down on what they're coming out with next. He gave me a taste of the Bitter Truth Elderflower Liqueur, a direct contender to St. Germain (and better). It smacked strongly of honey and elder flower, with this oddly savory/meaty finish to it. Both sweet and slightly sour, it was a pretty fantastic beverage. Definitely a higher quality than St. Germain. He also said that they were coming out with something else but he kept his lips sealed on what it was. I have spent many sleepless nights wondering what it is. He was also pretty interested to hear about the masters program which made me feel pretty good. At least I might be able to get a job somewhere respectable (instead of passed out drunk in a liquor store).

Elements 8: Still flush from their award at the UK Rumfest for their Spiced Rum (best in category), I spent some time chatting with Andreas Redlefsen, the co-founder. I got to try their entire range of St. Lucian rum and we shot the shit about the beverage world while I tasted. Their platinum was extraordinarily fruity for a white rum; almost tasting faintly of Bing cherries. Their Gold had notes of oak and vanilla and, I swear, hints of wasabi. It was no fluke of the palate, I made sure to keep it clean the entire time. It was pretty faint but present. The Spiced was the final one I tried and it was obvious why it won an award. Very strong cinnamon and black pepper with a wallop of clove and molasses. The clove was so strong it actually made the inside of my lips numb. I'll probably be picking up a bottle of it to mix. I want to try it in a Dark and Stormy.

Fentimans: You may never have heard of this stuff despite the fact that it's available in the US. Which is a shame because they produce some of the finest all-sugar beverages in the entire world. When I first came over here 3 years ago, I got a bottle of their ginger beer at the British Library after hours of perusing famous works. I was parched and a ginger beer seemed like just the ticket. What I met was a fiery hell-broth of liquid delicious addiction. It had a potent punch of ginger fire with a deliciously sweet and mellow background. It was the best drink I ever had. Then I tried their bottled shandy. It was even better. So I was absolutely thrilled to see the Fentimans team at the show. But where they showing mixers? Oh no no no. They were showing their newest addition to the line: John Hollows Alcoholic Ginger Beer. Oh heavens it's good. Exactly like the ginger beer I remember from the British library but this time it packs a 4% ABV. An answer to Crabbie's Ginger Beer and it's mysterious ingredient list of dubious natural origins, the John Hollows Superior Alcoholic Ginger Beer is a treat. I will be drinking it regularly, you can count on that. I'm not sure it's even been released yet (I believe the woman I talked to, Amy, said that the packaging had been finalized only a few weeks ago) so it looks like I'll have to wait patiently to buy a few cases and horde it like an apocalypse survivor. Just like what I do with Irn Bru.

Sipsmith: This is actually a fault of mine but I didn't actually try any of the Sipsmith stuff. That would be because I was too busy talking about craft distilling with Sam Galsworthy, co-founder of Sipsmith. It was actually really interesting to hear about the micro-distilling movement in the UK and how it has started to blossom since they got their distilling license. Craft distilling is a personal love of mine (mainly because I like to tinker with recipes and booze). I'm actually doing a paper on the craft distilling movement in the US (which is harder than it sounds thanks to a lack of credible scientific articles) so hearing about the UK branch of it was handy for that. But one of the guys, Bryce, in my program says that they have good stuff so I'll take his word on it until I can get my hands on some.

Amathus Imports: Tried the gamut of spirits here (read: I drank everything on the table). Their tequila was eh but the truly sweet stuff was their stash of genever. In case you've never heard of genever, it's the grandpappy of London Dry Gin. Originating in Holland, it is a malt-based spirit which makes itself apparent in the taste (genever is much sweeter/maltier than London Dry). Also, the usage of pot still distillation left quite a bit of flavor compounds still in it which meant that sweetness (and other flavor compounds) ended up in the distillate as well. This meant that it could have some off flavors and they decided to flavor it with juniper. With the introduction and widespread usage of the column still in England came the birth of the London Dry gin. Since the distillate coming off was so clean (thanks to the column distillation), that malty sweetness was gone and replaced by a more aggressive spice/herbal infusion. They had two genevers at the table: Deooievaar, a 100% rye base genever and A.V. Wees Zuur Oude Genever. The rye genever (not writing that name again) was nice with the traditional rye zest and juniper fragrance but it wasn't what I was looking for in a genever. I thought the rye was a touch too aggressive. The A.V. Wees Zuur Oude was spot on though with a delicious fruity sweetness, some malty flavors, and a pretty low juniper impact which I enjoy. Too much juniper make a little part of me die on the inside.

There ya go, the damage of the night. There's a lot more I have written in my notepad but I'm refraining from using them mainly because I was so drunk my writing was illegible. Despite my state of inebriation, I was able to hold myself to the Bacchanal decorum and hold extremely pleasant and non-offensive conversations with several other reps (sorry, Patron rep). I'd just like to shout out to Ben Mclellan of Inspirit Brands for deciding I was the right person to start doing shots with. I feel kinda bad that I did a shot of Four Roses Single Barrel but it was damn tasty.

Bacchus out.

PS: Have pictures

WordPress

2010-10-23T18:17:00.000-04:00

If you were trying to view the website over the past 4 hours, sorry for the absolute lack of content. The site was offline as I desperately struggled to install WordPress. Since I'm posting on Blogger now, I'm sure you can surmise how that went. Anyone know how to do a manual install of WordPress? I'm sick of Blogger and I want WordPress but the Computer Dieties have aligned against me in this feat. If you're willing to help for an equivalent exchange of whisky-sodden hugs and/or high fives, drop me an email.

An In With Bacchus Guide: Collegiate Brewing

2010-10-20T15:00:00.000-04:00

Many of you labor under the grandiose delusion that I don't do a whole lot here. I don't know how you got this fanciful idea into your heads but there are those that stick to the idealization that all I do is drink, wallow in my own filth, and occasionally stop drinking long enough to hand in something resembling work...only to commence filling my gaping maw with aqua vitae and brewskies. This is not true. Well...semi-not true. Hangovers suck and I prefer not to get them so it is occasionally warranted to just continue drinking. To me, it is easier to keep the ball rolling than to stop it and then try to kick it. It's all about the momentum. Looks better, I tell you.

In order to quell the vicious rumors that my liver has sought political asylum in Sweden, I figured it would be appropriate to document one of the exciting days of my life. I will spare you the hours of lecture that would be incredibly interesting if the room wasn't stifling hot. I will also forsake you the pleasure of describing how the department thought it would be a good idea to do tasting panel right before we had a lab working with fire and razor blades. Today...we brew.

You have two classes for Wort Boiling, Fermenting and Maturation. One involves an intro distilling where we take a fermented wort and process it through our two glass stills. The other is brewing the beer (that will later be used in the tasting panels). Both are all-day affairs where we get up at 8am and work until 4pm with the occasional break in between. So, here we go. An In With Bacchus Guide to My Life.

We start out here, at the front door of the brewery. It is festively decorated with the "International Brewing and Distilling Science Brewery", like everything inside is dipped in gold and run by butlers. It's not. It's run by grad students who need a degree.

We then enter the brewery. It is shiny and pretty, like a penny in the sun. Oh look, our sign!

Aww, hello department of ICBD. I love you, even though you take all my money.

Hello cereal cooker!

Hello mash tun/wort kettle/whirlpool filter!

Hello lauter tun!

What's that, fermentation tanks? You're woefully empty? Be patient, my sweet. Tender loving beer is on the way.

Here at the ICBD, we take drinking seriously. We are professionals. We evaluate for taste, color...and a bunch of other stuff too. See? We even have our own tap.

And look at our bottle collection.

Oddly enough, it doesn't scream "frat house". More "my brain is suicidal and my liver is a masochist". Same thing, right?

Ok, ok, let's get down to business. To defeat...the Huns. And by Huns, I mean sobriety. We start out by forming up our mash bill. Our first beer is a "premium" lager. First we need some corn grit (8 kg).

And then some crystal malt (.577 kg).

And then we take our big ole bag of lager malt (24.4 kg) to...the mill room!

This is our 2 roll mill. Technically, it's meant for agricultural (read: cow food) use but we fudge it a bit. Our efficiency isn't so hot but what the hell, it's cheap and it didn't have to be custom made. We mix the crystal and pale malt together in the hopper and turn the sucker on. It's pretty loud and it gives off a lot of dust that leaves us all coughing. We get a pretty coarse grist out of it, due to the fact that there's only 2 rollers, but it's adequate for us. Technically, anything we make here we can't drink. It has to be dumped down the drain. But we can do quality assurance tests. To, y'know, make sure it's tasty. We then take the two bags of grist and put them into our mashing unit.

The mashing unit above consists of a variety of things. The big blue section is a hopper with a screw in it. The corn grit is loaded into the hopper on top. The corn grit then falls into the grooves of the screw which is turned by a motor in the back. This pushes the grist forward at an even rate into a cylindrical cone where it is mixed with hot liquor. Like this!

Wait, hot liquor? No, not scalding hot Jamesons. Much to my utter confusion (and slight disappointment after all the signs) liquor is water in the industrial brewing world. This delicious porridge like substance is then pushed into the cereal tank by the pump on the bottom and this hosing attached to it.

You can actually see it speed by in the clear section of hosing that they installed. We then cook the cereal for some time to break down the starches in it (we rise by 2 degrees C per minute until 85 where we hold for 5 minutes, then boil to ensure starch breakdown). We then change the hose location (everything is pushed through hoses or piping) and fill the hopper with our malt grist. The same thing happens as with the corn and we then pump this into our mash tun/kettle. This gets a delightful 48C rest to activate the enzymes (I won't bore you with this part). After, we then add the cooked cereals (coooorn) to the mash tun. We do it this way that way the extreme heat of the cooked cereals (which was boiled) doesn't kill off the enzymes we need to break down the starches in the malt. Then we rest at 65C to deactivate the previous enzymes and engage new ones. We let it sit for 45 minutes while we go get lunch.

We come back to this.

Ewwie? Ewwie! No, sir or madame, delicious. This is the sugary sweet mash. It's been percolating for 45 minutes, stewing in its own juices (enzymes) to form a deliciously sweet liquid. It's almost like a thin porridge. Very tasty. Then we increase the temp from 67 to 71 and perform...

The iodine test. Iodine reacts with starch (which is not what we want) but not with sugar (which is what we want). So, a heavy starch solution (top left) turns squid ink black but the all sugar solutions (bottom right) are squeaky clean! This means that we've gotten all of the fermentable sugar we can out of it so we can filter out all the chunks. How do we do this?

The lauter tun. Basically it's a huge tube with a false bottom. The bottom plate is perforated so that the little tidbits of malt don't fall through. I'm sure you're asking "but there will be pieces smaller than that!". It's true...but here's the cool part about malt. It forms its own filter. We broke down the endosperm, the sugars that the plant would use to sustain itself after germination but before it has grown chloroplasts (component of chlorophyll for photosynthesis). We let the barley seed think that it's going to get to grow so that it germinates and begins breaking down all of the starches to long chain sugars it an use to fuel itself. But then we bake the shit out of it and kill it. This means that it broke down all of the sugars for us but it can't use them ('cause it's dead). The enzymes needed to do this are still in the grain so when we heat it up, these enzymes reactivate and break the sugar down even further. What's left is the hull/husk and variety of other shit that doesn't get broken down. These beautiful little bits end up forming a cake at the bottom of the lauter tun that filters the smaller particles.Here's the lauter tun filling with the chunky mash.

You can see those little particles swirling around. Those will be the filter later. In the meantime, we decided to multitask and do some quality assurance. This is a stout that we weren't sure would pass the muster.

It was good but I heard a funny tale. I heard that beers occasionally will get better the closer to the bottom of the glass you get. Something about the "awesome" having a higher density than the beer so it all sinks. Gonna have to pour another glass just to test this theory.

I think this hypothesis is correct. However, being a true scientist, a sample size of two just isn't enough. Three should do it.

Perfect. Hypothesis = delicious.

After quality control, the lautering had finished. We'd lautered first (by recycling the original wort back into the tank until it ran clear through the tubing at the bottom) and then sparged (after we drained the wort into the kettle we then started to spray hot water/liquor over the grains to get every sugary bit). Here's a good picture of the separation of the soon-to-be wort and the grain cake at the bottom.

See? Forms its own filter.

So, we've got our wort (clarified mash). Now we boil the shit out of it. It's just a hop, skip, and a jump to the finish, now. Emphasis on hop. HAHA, I MADE A FUNNY. We use two types of hop on this one: Zeus and Tettnanger.

The Zeus were our bittering hops, which are boiled for the entire duration to give the beer it's bitter flavor.

The Tettnanger were the aroma hops: added in the last few minutes of boil to provide aroma to the beer.

We boil and boil for an hour while we all go take a break in the form of a cuppa and a read of the newspaper. When we come back we finish up things. We first clean the lauter tun by removing the bottom and watching as all that crazy grain leavings fall to the floor. Here's the cake at the bottom:

And here's the cake on the floor:

The hot, hoppy wort is sent across the room (via pipes) to the plate chiller.

The hot liquid enters from one way and cold water enters from the opposite, cooling the liquid down before it enters the fermenter. We also add oxygen to it to promote yeast growth, even though you don't want oxygen after you ferment. Finally, it gets sent to the fermenter and we pitch the yeast (a Tennents lager yeast).

So, that's the day in a nutshell. For those of you who still say that I don't do a damn thing in this degree, you're wrong. So wrong it hurts me!

I take pictures.

Boru Vodka - Sunday, Oct. 10th

2010-10-10T17:18:00.001-04:00

I'm cutting to the chase on this one: Irish Vodka. You don't really associate the Emerald Isle with vodka, do you? I don't. I associate lush green fields, sheep, pine pitch-like pints of Guinness, Murphy's, and Beamish. Some nice poitin or, even luckier, some nice Irish pot still grain or malt whiskey. Yummers. But I don't think vodka. Which, honestly, is why I was pretty skeptical about Boru Vodka when they sent me a bottle.

Named after Brian Boru, an Irish king that dissolved the High Kingship of Ireland, which was a politically schemed royal line that ruled Ireland for hundreds of years. You can find more of the history here. I'll be honest here. I was downright SHOCKED when I found out what it was made of. I immediately assumed that it was made from potatoes. Because that's what we Irishmen like to eat. Seriously, what's an Irish 7 course meal? A six pack and a potato. But it's NOT MADE OF POTATOES! (insert collective gasp here)

It's made of wheat.

Really. An Irish vodka made of wheat.

Yeah, I was flabbergasted too. Made from wheat and proudly announcing it's distilled 5 times, it comes in a clear bottle with an obvious Celtic motif.

Warrior chic.

I'm going to chill this and pour it over Lucky Charms.

And here's one of the whole ensemble. The whole kit-and-kavodka, if you will:

Boru Vodka: 100% Potato Cruelty Free.

Here, have some tasting notes on the house. I tried it both warm (to get a sense of the spirit) and cold (to get a sense of how most people would drink it):

Warm:

Nose is clean and simplistic. Definitely a wheat based spirit; it has a grain sugar smell to it. It smells rich and slightly creamy too, almost like that dairy smell coming off of half-and-half.

Taste isn't bad. Slightly creamy, rather sweet. It ain't a slouch in the alcohol department but for 80 proof it's a bit rocky. It doesn't go down without a coup d'etat in the throat. This bastard wants freedom, damn it. Oppression by the High King of Ireland known as "the Stomach" isn't want it wants. It yearns for the free and open skies, the warm sun, and that cozy little bottle it calls home. Ok, well, maybe it's not as inspired as Brian Boru...but it has it's rough edges about it. After the fire comes a touch of chocolate too.

Warm, it's ok. When I shared some of the bottle with friends, my cameraman went "It's ok". My other friend said "It really cleared out his sinuses" but continued to drink it as we played video games.

Cold:

Nose: It's pretty blank which is to be expected. A slight alcohol tinge and grapefruit. Other than that, a pretty blank palate.

Taste: Chocolate and grass. It's become pretty syrupy too at this point. Thankfully it's smoothed out some since it's been chilled. It fades to a pleasant warming sweetness. The fire on the finish is gone too.

So....summary: Drink it cold. Warm it's a touch roughshod and rambunctious but cold it's a decent vodka. Not particularly stunning but quite serviceable. Also, it's about $18 a bottle (750 mL) which is a fair price for it, if even a bit cheap. I could see this being sold at $20 and people buying it. I still think it should be made out of potatoes though. Maybe I'll make a sweet potato infusion out of what's left to give it some potato-y character. I'd do normal potatoes...but that'd just be down right vile to drink.

State of the Blog

2010-10-02T11:19:00.000-04:00

Following the State of the Blog(ger), I think it's time to talk about the state of the blog. I'm sure most of you have noticed that I've done...well...fuck all about the decor in this joint. Sorry folks, I'm not very good at making things pretty. I'm an engineer. I destroy pretty things.

Especially whisk(e)y. I destroy a lot of pretty whisk(e)y.

However, I am dedicated as all hell to bringing good content. I figure that decent content sorta makes up for the lack of eye-catching icons, suavely styled headers, and general spiffiness. Well, not makes up for, really. More like "helps you forget". The look of the blog has been on my mind and I may actually drop some cash into sprucing it up. First and foremost would be getting a signature representation of Bacchus, drawn by one of the coolest illustrators, Dr. Bamboo. I really enjoy his style of art and I think it would fit in with the cheeky air of the blog. So that's first and foremost.

But what I'm writing to you today is mainly about the content. I am in the motherland of booze. Everywhere I go, I could huck a rock at some sort of beverage. Beer, wine, cider. Hard liquor. It's all for the taking. I've got a few things packed away in the "things I'd like to do for the blog" annals but I'd like your feedback. What do you want to see me cover? Here's a short list of things that I'm planning on covering but it's not complete and far from finished:

UK Rumfest 2010: Mid-October (16th and 17th). This one is on the ropes but I may go. Mutineer Magazine wants me to cover it but it's gonna be a pretty penny to get to London. Unless I can learn to fly in a few weeks. Progress is slow but scientists feel that I might be able to gain flight in the next couple of years and sans a few (hundred) pounds. It is exactly as the name suggests: a pig's trough of rum. Its a toss-up between having money or acting like a pirate for a weekend. I'm thinking acting like a pirate is winning at this point.

Edinburgh Boutique Bar Show: At the end of the month (October 26th). A pretty comprehensive show with talks and lots of tastings. Not specifically whisky centered but rather a broad range of spirits, ciders, and beers. Should be a wonderful time and, best of all, I don't have to go far for it. Cheers to that.

Glasgow Whisky Festival: Mid November (Nov. 13th). I'm actually really excited about this one. They won't know but I've known them for awhile (Mark Connelly, specifically). I was on the Whisky Magazine boards when a whole bunch of them split off and formed the WhiskyWhiskyWhisky.com forums. From my interaction with Mark online, he is a great chap. I'm really happy to see that he's been able to put together a whisky festival. It is a serious festival to pull no punches. His exhibitor list reads like a who's who of fantastic whisk(e)y. Amrut will be pouring. That's really all I have to say about that.

The Coup De Grace: I have been entertaining doing the unthinkable. The nigh legendary. I'm thinking about going to Westvletern brewery. It would be difficult to pull off for one reason: you need the license plate number of the car you're picking the beer up in but I'd have to rent a car. There are overnight ferries from Rosyth (close to Edinburgh) to Zeebrugge, Belgium. From there, I'd have to rent a car to get there (luckily, they drive on the correct side of the road there). The problem is I'd never know the license plate number until I rented the car. I'd probably get a case of all 3 expressions (which would end up being about 100 euro total, plus deposit). Once I got them, I'd bring them back to Scotland. I would have a bottle of each etched with "In With Bacchus"...and then I'd give them away on the blog. I'd get them etched not for vanity, but to prevent people from selling them. The monks don't want you to sell 'em and if the beer's as good as people say...then I'll abide by that. But yeah, this is at this stage a pipe dream. It would cost a lot and be difficult to organize so it's staying on the back-burner until I can get a job over here.

So that's the short list. I'd highly encourage you to share what you want me to cover (as far as distilleries, breweries, etc.). I'm open to ideas. I'd also appreciate it if you'd spread this around as best you can. I really would like some feedback (past attempts have been weak). So, if you could do that, I'll FedEx you a hug. A huge, drunken, whiskey smelling hug.

State of the Blog(ger)

2010-09-21T15:42:00.000-04:00

The radio silence is deafening these days. When once my lyrically drunken mouth spewed gobs of random information, the past few weeks have been quiet. The culture shock, monetary shock, and booze shock have taken their toll on me; grounding me down into a sort of stunned, irreverent stupor. Things are, to say the least, quite different here. Since I promised I'd chronicle my journey over here, I will enlighten you on the past few weeks. Plus this helps to prove to my parents that I'm not a) dead or b) dead drunk.

If you've never taken an international flight...don't. If you must, don't travel economy/coach. If you are desperate to encase yourself in tens of thousands of pounds of steel, jet fuel, and people's crap, don't cheap out. Economy flights are just terrible. Everyone says "Sleep on the plane to feel rested when you get there". That's complete bullshit. It is inevitable that there will be at least one baby that decides to play "Human Landmine" and explode with shrill screams when someone gets too close. There will always be that person with a snore that threatens to vibrate the plane at its resonance frequency. If you can afford it, go business or first class. If you can't, buy a raft and leave really early. The Aer Lingus flight I took was, for the most part, cramped and boring. While I did manage to watch an episode of The Pacific, I also had to suffer through Cop Out. I like Kevin Smith movies. I liked Cop Out. But let's be honest here, a Kevin Smith movie isn't a Kevin Smith movie if it's the airline edit. Hearing Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis trade in "Fuck you" for "Forget you" (when it's part of the gag) made me seriously contemplate trying to choke myself with those tiny little pretzel nubbins they gave us. The meal, blissfully, was a few steps above "hog trough". Mine included what I can only pray were piece of real beef in real beef gravy. The highlight of that flight was the Magners Pear I had. It was good. Everything else was not. It also brought up the ever-present concept that I am a fat-ass. It is not a pleasant experience to pour myself into those seats and pray to the gods above that the seat-belt will buckle. Then, spending 7 hours wedged into my mom (sorry Ma) did absolutely nothing for my self-confidence. I got off the plane scared, sad, and sleepy. A piss-poor combo.

The connecting flight in Dublin (in which we had to run to the gate because we didn't have enough time) was better. We were flying on my worst fear: a prop plane. I've explained why before (I think) so I won't go through it again. But the flight itself was smooth. The best part about this flight was the fact that it was light out and that it was raining in Dublin. It is a magical experience to burst through the clouds in sheer defiance of gravity. To hurdle at untold speeds through the rainclouds only to rupture through into the clear blue sky like a breaching whale. Staring down at the cloud cover and watching it lazily drift by like some sort of higher up, fluffier ocean. It was actually quite beautiful. I might be able to see why people get pilot's licenses for fun.

We landed in Edinburgh on a slightly chilly but increasingly sunny day. We were fortunate enough to stay close to the airport (and, subsequently, close to a shuttle from the airport to campus) at the Hilton. Folks, as classy as Hiltons are made out to be...this place sucked. While the room itself was nice, you (not surprisingly in Scotland) got nickle and dimed at every damn chance. The bottle of water they provided wasn't free, it was 3 quid. The breakfast was £12 for continental, £17 for full Scottish. Internet cost £17 a day. Movies: £15. Hell, I was legitimately surprised the small tea service they provided was free. Since they kept refreshing the tea packets each day, I decided to help myself to several of them. I now have a very small stash of Twinings. And soap. Yeah, I'm that guy. Get used to it. College is expensive.

The rest of the week was spent gathering the metric fuckton (tonne now, actually) of stuff that I wasn't able to bring with me. General home goods, pots and pans, etc. I managed to outfit my room splendidly for £77 (towels, pots, pans, general groceries). Pretty proud of myself on that one. The most expensive thing, though, was the mattress topper. Since having my spine fused six years ago, I kinda need a soft mattress. My spine doesn't bend now. At all. Almost the entire thoracic section of my spine is deadlocked in a fierce battle with almost $20,000 worth of titanium and, thankfully, the titanium is winning. Thus, I need a bed that will mold to me instead of me to the bed. And the mattress provided sure as shit wasn't doing that. It wasn't a bed, it was a concrete foundation with a cloth covering. It was like sleeping on The Rack. Luckily, I was able to get one along with a phone as well. Phones over here are funny. They're not bound to just one provider. You buy a phone and you can choose from a range of providers simply by replacing a small microchip behind the battery. Pretty damn interesting, I must admit. Besides, their phones are nicer. Well...most of 'em. The one I got is an internet capable beastie called the LG Viewty. It's pretty great, aside from the relatively shitty speaker and the fact my fingers are too fat to use the on-screen keyboard.

Finally, last week was the first week of classes. Due to the fact that its early in the semester the class schedule is pretty light these days but I'm still scrambling to get things done on my time off. My days consist of four classes: barley lab, project studies, wort manufacture, and intro to biochem. Most are pretty self-explanatory aside from project studies, which is basically an intro course on how not to plagarize and how to write a paper like a civil human being. We write a 3000 word literature review which should be easy, considering we get to choose our own topics. I'm thinking I may do mine on the microdistilling boom or the no age statement / young whisky boom.

Ok, now the important stuff. First off, you can get booze delivered here. No joke. You can get groceries delivered to your door for £3, which is almost as much as it would be to take the bus out there (I save £.60 by taking the bus). Anything they have in-store you can get delivered to your room. A huge, refrigerated truck will pull up and drop your groceries off. Which brings me to my next point.

You can buy booze in grocery stores.

I'm not talking about just beer. Sure, you can get beer at a grocery store. And cider, which they handily pack in 2 liter bottles and sell for £1.37. But no...you can buy liquor in grocery stores. And get it delivered to your room. They also have a much larger selection of pre-mixed drinks. I had the opportunity to pick up a premixed can of Bulleit bourbon and coke. It was really, really good. I think it was about a quid a pop and it was the "double serving", which meant a double of bourbon and coke. That put the can at about 8% ABV. And it was the perfect ratio too. The bourbon wasn't watered down; it was pronounced over the coke. And the cola was delicious. BECAUSE THEY ONLY USE SUGAR IN THEIR SODA. It's seriously the promised land of beverages up in this bitch. No high-fructose corn syrup in soda, liquor in grocery stores, and booze delivered to my door. Hells yes.

So yeah, stick around. I've got some pretty exciting things lined up (including some tours). A few things are in the works for my dear readers (especially those in NYC). So keep up with things here. It's gonna start getting sweet.

Bacchus out.

Whisky Live Glasgow

2010-09-10T14:27:00.000-04:00

Alright, brief post here. No, I'm not dead despite the most earnest wishes of my arch-nemeses. I've just been really, really busy. Busy with the whole "get my life sorted out in 4 days" kinda thing. That includes buying bedding, cutlery, clothing, food, a phone, a mattress topper for my poor back, and a variety of other sundries (and by sundries, I mean the UK version which is booze). Now that life is slowly getting back to normal (yet again, another clause: by normal I mean a masters in drinking), you'll be seeing some more posts from me. I'll do a summary of what I've garnered from my trip over and time here so far and I've got a lot of reviews down the pipe.

However, I write to you today to inform you of momentous import. I will, at the behest of Whyte and Mackay (y'know...Jura, Dalmore, Whyte and Mackay blends), be covering the Whisky Live Glasgow tomorrow. Live. Yup, you read that right. I will be Tweeting my sherry butt off (tee-hee, distilling joke!), courtesy of the Whyte and Mackay company (who, in full disclosure, are paying for my standard ticket and 20 quid train fare). I'll be a motherlovin typhoon of Tweeting tomorrow as I heartily engage in the Scots most celebrated liquid: whisky. I promise that I'll stay as sober as possible, which won't be too hard considering my tolerance these days. So, pay close attention to my Twitter, InWithBacchus, or the live coverage page here for even more informative tid-bits from my far more qualified compatriots.

Critics

2010-08-29T20:48:00.000-04:00

A critic, as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is as follows:

1. a: one who expresses a reasoned opinion on any matter especially involving a judgment of its value, truth, righteousness, beauty, or technique
b: one who engages often professionally in the analysis, evaluation, or appreciation of works of art or artistic performances

2. : one given to harsh or captious judgment

I put that there to remind us all what exactly a critic is. It was, some time ago, only relevant to the newspapers or magazines. You had your wine critics, your food critics, your movie critics, and your "insert noun here" critic. With the invention of the internet, many of these established critics have gone on to flex their opinions in the digital world. However, with the advent of the internet, it was quickly surmised that anyone could be a critic as long as they were willing to shell out a couple of bucks a month for a domain / hosting and a couple hours dedicated to writing.

Critics have always bothered me. I have been in conversations with people about what my website is about and, during which, they ask "are you a critic?" I politely tell them no. I am rather an opinionated and curious journalist. This distinction is important. The reason why I refuse to dub myself under the "critic" moniker is because of #2 above in the definition of critic. To be a critic once meant exactly what #1 states: to give a reasoned opinion on a matter. It was done with courtesy and respect on both parties. Today, being a critic means the license to kill version of being a complete fucking asshole. And, in this two part rant, I'll explain why.

In the field that I'm in (beverages and cigars), there are so many out there that will absolutely lambaste products with absolutely no regard to anyone or anything. This breaks my goddamn heart. As you may already know by now (thanks to my gratuitious ranting), I'm going for my masters in Brewing and Distilling Science. In less than a week, actually. With the rough and cursory knowledge I've garnered from talking to people in the industry (both beverage and cigar), as well as visiting distilleries and shops, I know how much work goes into making the products we take for granted. That cigar you're smoking? That tobacco isn't a week old. It's not a month old. Not a year old. No. The tobacco in that cigar is probably older than your car. That tobacco was planted when Katrina first hit New Orleans. It was a wee babe when Pope John Paul II died. That tobacco is probably 5 years old. Someone, 5 years ago, had the foresight to plant the leaf that you're burning. The one that's burning.

Right. Now.

That cigar you're furiously typing up a scathing review of? The tobacco in it is older than some people. It is older than entire maternity wards. A generation may have been born during that cigar's lifetime. But you decide to be a dick.

That scotch you're drinking with it? That introductory level scotch you decided to try. Guess what? It was put into a barrel shortly after Microsoft 98 came out. It saw Google launch. The person that put it in a cask probably saw Saving Private Ryan the night before. That scotch, the one you're mulling over giving a 79 or an 80? It saw gas at $1.25 a gallon in the States.

Critics, for the sake of objective review, ignore these things. They ignore the work, the planning. They refuse to take into effect the struggles it took to formulate the recipe or the blend. The work it took to get label approval. The fact that the whisk(e)y or cigar chosen was #126 of #334 blends or barrels. It's the equivalent of deeming a person moral or immoral just by looking at them. You are content to barely scratch the surface of a complex person; solely judging on face value. Many feel that this disassociation is necessary. I think that's bullshit. A critic can callously destroy years of work sitting in your office. With the swift stroke of a pen (or, realistically, a keyboard), a critic can annihilate years of work and planning. Entire lines of product can become financial disasters because a critic, say, smoked only an inch of the cigar (I'm looking at you, Cigar Aficionado), tossed it, and then gave it an 85.

You probably don't believe me. You may think "give me proof". All in due time, my friends. All in due time. Check the next portion for some hard evidence. I'm bringing critics to trial.

Illusione Cuchillos Cubanos 40 - Friday, Aug. 20th

2010-08-20T20:58:00.000-04:00

While I am a short and fat man, the cigars I generally go for aren't short and fat. I've got enough of that in every day life. I typically go for either long and thin (lancero!) or short and thin (corona!). It's rare that I pick up a cigar over, say, 52-54 ring gauge. Any more than that and it just gets awkward to smoke and difficult to keep in my mouth when I want to flip pages on the deck.

Also, being budget minded (read: I'm half Scottish), I'm a big fan of cheap cigars. Not bad cigars, which is a completely different category, but cheap cigars. So when I found out that Dion had put out the Chuchillos Cubanos line of mixed premium filler (long and medium instead of medium and short) in sizes that really are my huckleberry, I was stunned. How did I let a budget cigar by an awesome manufacturer in thinner ring gauges slip by? Why didn't my Scottish Radar go off? Damn thing must be broken. I found out about it pretty much a week before the IPCPR and I began calling/emailing places down in NOLA to pick some up to smoke. But Dion got my back.

When I ran into Dion at IPCPR, he told me to stop by the booth because he had a pack of Cuchillos Cubanos for me. I tried to pay for them (I always feel bad) but he wouldn't hear of it. I stopped by briefly to pick them up on the first day because I wanted to smoke them at the Cigar Press party with him. I felt bad nabbing them and jetting but I got to talk to him later on anyway so I didn't feel too bad. Also, I stopped by the booth several times. Dion was busy so it was mostly to take pictures but, hell...it soothed my aching integrity. Anyway, at the Cigar Press party I burned through four out of the five in the pack (2 for me, 2 for my mooching cameraman). I really liked them at the party but at that point I'd burned about four cigars already so I didn't want to do a write-up when I got back. So I decided I'd review the last one for you now. Alright alright, let's do dis. First, some pictures!

Sweet box. I want to add tildes to the title but the Blogger ones aren't spaced right.

We're gonna need a bigger box.

Oh...hello!

I really like the packaging on these. The box got kinda squished in my pocket but it kept the cigar(s) in good condition. And the graphic on the front is cool. Anyway, review:

First quarter: This cigar is what I refer to as a "ninja cigar". When you first light it up, it starts off pretty mild and mellow. It's easy-going with relatively light flavors of leather. Then, just as you get settled in to read and you're not paying attention....BAM! The Chuck Norris of spice roundhouse kicks your tongue into a previous epoch. Your tongue is bombarded with so much zesty spice it's tasting things in the 1800s. It's so delicious. It's all red pepper and black pepper. I make it sound super heavy on the spice but it's just right, really. It's not overbearing and it doesn't overwhelm. It's just the right amount...but sneaky.

Half-way: The spice fades a touch to make way for some delicious leather. It's like smoking a spicy chamois. How can you argue with that?

Third quarter: Spice has backed off in its intensity and fervor. It's now slowed down to a more leathery, creamy, and spicy beastie. It's starting to get another flavor too...

Fourth quarter: ...and that flavor is toast. I swear to the gods above, you get to the nub and the thing tastes like toast with jalapeno jelly and a glass of milk. In...y'know...smoking terms. Whatever, I tried. It's hard to explain smoking flavors without referencing food but it makes it sound awkward.

Yeah, these cigars are pretty sweet. My cameraman liked 'em too. The consensus we came up with is that they're an all day cigar: they're easy going enough to smoke them all day but they won't leave you bored. Oh..and the price? It's about $20 for 5. Yeah, this 5.25 x 40 shorty is a favorite now.

What I Learned at IPCPR

2010-08-19T22:08:00.000-04:00

Wheew.

Today I finally stopped taking painkillers. Seems like the antibiotics have done their job and thoroughly kicked ass in the dense jungles known as My Kidneys. I've been taking it pretty easy since I got home from the IPCPR because, like the antibiotics I'm on, it kicked ass. My ass. Heartily. I've been smoking some cigars (Villiger Exports, nothing complicated) and ruminating on my experiences at the IPCPR. I've come up with quite a few things. If you'll bear with me, I'd like to share them with you.

Lesson #1:

Since I started smoking in '05, I've had a hard time keeping my hands off any cigar publication known to man. If it has even the briefest mention of cigars (like Golf Aficionado!) I'll usually pore over it. Thus, I've seen pictures of the manufacturers. Prominently displayed on full page ads, their lower bodies cloaked in mounds of tobacco and their heads shrouded in a permanent cloud of fragrant cigar smoke; I've seen 'em all. Rocky. Pete. Dion. Jose Blanco. Nestor Miranda. Ernesto Perez-Carillo (who is a seriously intimidating looking dude). Jonathan Drew. Marvin! Everyone. I've seen their faces. And over time, I've built them up to be huge. Not even rock-stars. More demi-gods. And I practically worshiped them. But, after the IPCPR, I've learned one thing:

They're just normal people.

I talked to a lot of people at the show. Every. Single. Manufacturer was humble and gracious. They were willing to chat, to shake hands. They joked and smoked. They shot the shit with their friends and people they've never even met before. Pete Johnson was talking to a group of guys and I was talking to my cameraman outside of their little pow-wow. He says "Hey! You want a smoke?" I turn around absolutely STUNNED. I stutter a bit and he gives a wry smirk. The guys chuckle and he reaches into a huge steamer trunk and pulls out a Tat black, handing one to both me and my camera man. The circle parts and we step in, absorbing the conversation. In the Pepin booth, he smiled quietly and raised his cup of coffee in my direction as I pored over the new releases. Dion shook my hand with a firm and practiced grip, smiling like a kid in a candy store. He patted me on the back and said how great it was to finally meet me. Guillermo Leon broke into a huge-ass smile when I finally shook his hand and said how cool it was to meet up after talking on Twitter. After meeting Jon Huber I got to walk and talk with him back to the CAO booth, chatting the entire time about social media and it's meaning to the cigar industry.

The most important thing I learned at the IPCPR, the big thing, the thing I PROBABLY should have saved for the end of this article, is that the cigar manufacturers are not just normal people...they're really nice people as well. They're honest, down to earth, generous, and kind people. I got the chance to meet so many people I once considered closer to Hercules than human and they were all great people. Blew my mind.

Lesson #2:

I didn't really want to cover this because everyone and their brother is covering it at this point but I've got an anecdote I'd like to share. At one booth (I won't say which), I stopped by on the third day to chat. I came into the booth and they saw my tag. My tag said "Exhibitor" because, technically, Drew Estate was kind enough to let me go on their docket. But, as with every booth I hit, I said hey, told them my name and explained the exhibitor tag. I'd typically give them my business card and say that while Drew Estates got me there, I was covering the event privately. I said that I run a cigar review website and opinions blog.

The face of one of the guys changed IMMEDIATELY. It went from a skeptical "what is our competitor doing here" to a dull resignation. He turned around and went to a small alcove where they stored the samples and began dutifully filling a bag. I felt HORRIBLE. Truth be told, I really felt pretty bad when people would give me samples. I couldn't really avoid it because, let's face it, I paid my way to New Orleans to pretty much be a walking, talking free press machine (or at least that's how some companies saw me). I'd chat with people, get to know them and their brand, talk shop or current events a bit. Some of them liked me enough that they thought it was worth their time to give me samples. I didn't ASK for any, I guess they just wanted me to review them. So this guy is shoving cigars into the bag and I'm horrified. The look of resignation on his face hurts not just my feelings but my integrity. Is that what I am to people? I calmly and politely it was ok, I wasn't looking for samples at all. He insisted a bit but then held off. As I continued talking with them (we got talking about dominoes, my soon to be weakness), his face brightened quite a bit. He and his associate turned with a flourish and went back to the cabinet. They put a few more in there and handed it to me. I tried to beg off but they wouldn't take no for an answer. They said "smoke it in good health and let us know what you think".

I tell you that story to tell you my feelings on being a blogger. Being a blogger is, to be absolutely truthful, FUCKING FANTASTIC. I love being able to share my opinion in such an open forum as the internet. Being able to interact with people with the same passions as I do is a wonderful feeling. If you've ever chatted with me on Twitter, you know that I can be pretty damn passionate about both cigars and alcohol. They're what I love. My smoking ritual involves torching a cigar out on the deck and reading the latest copy of whatever alcohol magazine I have: Whisky magazine, Malt Advocate, Imbibe. I live and breathe alcohol and tobacco. Hell, I'm 2/3 of the way to being an honorary member of the ATF (and my collection of shotguns is growing). That said...that's what blogging SHOULD be about. You should feel downright ashamed if you entered into this environment hoping for free shit. Would I be lying to say that I don't get free stuff. You betcha. But if you've looked at my website, I review EVERYTHING sent to me. That's why it takes so long. Good or bad, I revel in reviewing it. This blog isn't about garnering free stuff or financial compensation. Hell, I specifically state I DON'T want advertising on my front page. What this blog is about is recording my feelings on spirits and cigars, as well as broadening my palate. And the kicker is you get to come along for the ride with me. Simple as that.

Lesson #3:

This is for those of you who are going to be first-timers at the show.

When I originally found out that I'd be able to go to the IPCPR, I began planning. I copied off the list of vendors that will be there and marked off who I wanted to see. I printed off a huge copy of the map and got markers ready to color code it. A week before I got there, I decided to abandon it. It was the best choice I've ever made.

When you get to the convention floor for the first time, any and all plans you have immediately make a break for the nearest exit like their hair is on fire and the only thing that can put it out is freedom. It's almost like the first time you get drunk. You're amazed that you can feel that way legally. You kinda wobble about a bit, trying desperately to figure out what's happening to your vision. Rooms take on funky dimensions and spin a bit. It's what I affectionately dubbed "Cigar Shock". The floor was HUGE and PACKED. If you're as passionate about cigars as I am, you get in there and your mind goes limp like a ragdoll. Cognitive thoughts are impossible. Motor actions are barely plausible. Breathing and staring is your body's primary focus. Every nerve in your body cries out "SWEET JESUS YES". All other bodily functions cease to matter aside from the continued flow of oxygen to the brain and the occasional blinking to keep your eyes from turning into Ritz crackers. I was rather glad I had a cameraman. Together we were able to be semi-presentable on the first day.

Lesson #4:

Never go to New Orleans in the summer ever again.

That's about it.

Guest Post : Black Horse Pub and Brewery

2010-08-16T14:17:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well. It looks like my camera guy is finally making the moves to steal my job. Last night the crafty bastard emailed me a write-up to a brewpub he found on his sojourn back to New York from New Orleans. By car. Since he was crazy enough to drive that far and still write this up, I guess I'm obligated to post it. So here's a review of the Black Horse Pub and Brewery and the beers contained within its hallowed, beer-soaked halls:

Driving back to NY from the IPCPR in New Orleans, I made a pitstop at a local pub/brewery in Clarksville, TN - just outside of the better-known Fort Campbell, home of the 101st Airborne. I hddn't had a real meal all day, so when I came across Blackhorse Pub & Brewery, conveniently located in Clarksville's downtown, I figured I'd hold down a bar stool for a little while. Conveniently, they offered a sampler flight for their full line of beers, brewed right there in the building.

Belgian white -- Slightly creamier than expected, very smooth. Definitely a step up from Blue Moon.

Raspberry -- I'm generally not a fan of flavored/fruity beers, but it was pretty refreshing on a day that had a 118 heat index when I left Memphis...

Blackhorse Ale -- Good pepper notes here, but otherwise not a whole lot going on. Not the beer I would hang my hat (and name) on if I were them.

Vanilla Ale -- Like medicinal candy. Maybe it would be good if paired with the right dessert, but I couldn't bring myself to finish this.

McGee Pale Ale -- Nice and malty. Not as much kick as I look for in a pale ale, but definitely a solid choice. I would happily have a pint of this on a hot night.

Barnstormer Red Ale - After stouts, I'm partial to red ales, and this didn't disappoint. Rich but highly quaffable. The Barnstormer got drained in one pull; probably should've taken it slower (especially on an empty stomach) so that I would have more to say...I guess I'll just have to come back to Tennessee to try this again.

Coalminer Stout Ale -- I had been looking forward to this since the beginning of the flight. Notes of coffee here - very fullbodied, creamy, and a great head on the pint that they poured. Everything a stout should be.

Normally I would've gone for a pint each of the red and the stout, you know, to put them through their paces. Sadly, given the late hour, I had to settle for just the Coalminer. Best part - only $3.25 a pint.

The burger that went along with this was damn good too...gave me enough fuel to drive the rest of the way to bourbon country.

Well there you have it. There's the first In With Bacchus guest post by Pat Kelly, freelance correspondent. And cameraman. That's right, bub. You're second fiddle here. And I'm on to you...

IPCPR: Day 4

2010-08-15T20:54:00.004-04:00

Miss Day 1? For shame! Catch up here.
Miss Day 2? You are a terrible human being. Get up to date here.
Miss Day 3? Nice things: we can't have them. See what you missed here.

It's still raining and I'm popping antibiotics and painkillers like Rush Limbaugh. We're on day three of the show and day four (out of five) for my IPCPR vacation. It's still raining and it's still oppressively humid. I'm not complaining though. I'm enjoying every minute. My hotel is a five minutes walk from the convention center and it gives me time to build up my excitement to hazardous levels. You can always tell you're getting close to the convention center by two things. One is the pervasive smell of cigar smoke ringing the center like a fragrant halo. The other is the sheer amount of cigar butts littering the ground as you get closer to the epicenter. By the hotel you see an occasional cigar butt, swollen and burst in the rain. But as you get closer it's like one of the plagues. Butts are in every planter, in every bush, and strewn about the sidewalk and gutters. It almost makes me sad to see so much wasted tobacco but what can I do? They've been consigned to a damp existence at this point.

I get into the center and get a call from my cameraman. He's running a bit late as he has to stop at Walgreens to get new batteries. The camera we're using is a veritable energy hog; using two AAs for every 100~ish photos. I tell him to bring me an iced tea. He wisely brings my favorite tea in the entire world: Arizona Sweet Tea in the $.99 can. Yummers. I meet him outside of the Drew Estates booth, pound the tea, and begin the day. Ready? Here we go.

Drew Estates: You thought I was going to skip Drew Estates, didn't you? That slaps me on the knee. Drew Estates actually has quite a few things coming out and there's definitely something for everyone. For the traditional smokers, hold onto your socks because they're releasing the Dirty Rat for commercial release. The 5 type blend crammed into one delicious corona comes in boxes of 12 with a MSRP of $12 a stick. Frankly, I'll probably be buying a box of those delicious little bastards. Also, the Liga line is getting some new sizes. In the T52 stalk cut line, look for a belicoso (6 x 52), a corona doble ( 7 x 54) and the piece de resistance, the T52 Flying Pig (4.125 x 60). There's also hints at a Liga Privada JD #4 but the specs on it are super duper secret. I'll do a bit of research.

For the flavored smoker, there'll be some extensions of the Acid line as well. The Blondie gets a Belicoso size (5 x 54) as opposed to the normal Blondie which is 4 x 38. As for new additions, look for the Kuba in a maduro wrapper and the brand new Toast, a 6 x 50 maduro wrapped beauty.

Finally, remember how in yesterday's post I said that I was chatting with some guys about hookah? Well, Drew Estates has partnered with Starbuzz, a maker of premium shisha to market an Acid line of shisha tobacco. I got to try the Red (which was slightly cinnamon-y) and the Purple (which was berry-like and very fragrant). Both were pretty outstanding and very complex.

The Drew Estates booth was definitely crazy this year. The Subculture studios had been absolutely busting ass decorating the booth. They spent something like 3 months hand-painting a whole range of shoes with Drew Estates brands and motifs on them. It earned them the nickname of "Shoe Estates" from some, which I found delightfully entertaining in a self-depreciating humor kinda way. The entire time the booth was bumping a lot of Bob Marley from speakers hidden behind those walls. It was pretty funny to watch Bob Marley on speakers duel with the Jazz group at the AVO/Davidoff booth next door. I was honestly hoping that the jazz group would take up the initiative and maybe play ALONG with Bob but that was hoping for a lot, I suppose.

Padron Cigars: Stopped in to say hello to the Padrons and deliver a greeting from Isy of Uptown Cigar. I got talking to one of the Padron daughters, Kassandra. We were chatting it up for a good bit. She just started smoking cigars (imagine that, a Padron that didn't smoke) and we were talking about the strength of Padron as compared to other cigars. Nice to talk shop with her. She informed me that the newest release is the Padron Family Reserve 46, made to celebrate 46 years of manufacturing fine cigars. It is a box pressed 5.5 x 56 cigar that looks distinctly like a very small chocolate bar. She also informed me that the Padron Family Reserve 44 will see a larger distribution as well.

Rocky Patel: The Rocky booth was paaaaaacked. And for good reason. Not only did Rocky have new cigars but he had a literal smorgasbord there. Seriously. He had food and beverages for everyone. Rocky had trays of sandwiches and chafing dishes full of taquitos and meatballs. I took the liberty of nabbing a taquito and parading around with it in my mouth like it was a cigar. I made one guy laugh so hard he started choking on something and a few other guys at a table nearby were almost in tears while asking me if "I needed a light". I love cheeky shenanigans. There was also Pilsener Urquelle on tap, wine, and rum as well but I refrained from drinking (gasp) because I'm unfortunately sick. A shame, because it was a rum I'd never had. Rocky and Nish were walking around the booth the entire time and I really wanted to talk to him but he was pretty busy. Besides, I don't think he'd enjoy the fact that one of my favorite smoking challenges is"Edge Maduro Races" with my camera guy. Just a hunch though.

Anyway, Rocky is coming out with a few new things. On the premium side, there's Rocky's 15th Anniversary. While it's been making the rounds on the blogs lately it was officially released at the show for retailers. The 15th sports an Ecuadorian Habano with Nicaraguan fillers. Comes in a corona gorda (6 x 46), robusto (5 x 50), toro (6.5 x 52) and a torpedo (6.125 x 52). There's also the Cargo, a Nicaraguan puro through and through. Comes in toro (6.5 x 52) and super toro (6 x 58) with boxes of 25 as well as 500! As far as bundles, Rocky has the "Outback Cigar Co. Inc.", or Outback. With a Ecuadorian Sumatra wrapper (no info on the binder/filler), it comes in a robusto (5 x 50), toro (6.5 x 52), torpedo (6 x 52) and the Fifty-Eight (6.125 x 52). Apparently a milder cigar according to Jamie Millard, the Sales Manager I talked to (as well as the literature). I've got samples of all three so I'll let you know how they go. Bro.

Note: I'm not sure if EO is putting anything new out at this point because I only got info on the Rocky stuff. I hope they are because the Murcielago and 601 Blue Labels are pretty fantastic. I'll put another one on the "investigate" list.

Felipe Gregorio: Sat around and shot the shit with the salesguy at the Felipe Gregorio booth. It was here that I learned probably the greatest thing ever. Did you know the IPCPR has a chaplain? I didn't. But the good father stopped by while at the booth and lit up with us. Nothing like smoking with a man of the cloth. It was definitely another highlight.

Felipe has three things coming out: the W20, the Vallejuelo, and the Minotaur. The W20 is their 20th anniversary cigar, wrapped in a Habana 2000 wrapper. Not too shabby, eh? The Vallejuelo is Ecuadorian Habano wrapped around a healthy dose of ligero (not sure what country, I forgot to ask). The Minotaur is a big, beefy rosado wrapped bastard. I say it's beefy only in the fact that it's got a high price tag and it probably won't be seen a lot in the States (France bound, mostly).

HBI: I know, I know. You're thinking "What the hell Bacchus?" Yeah, alright, they sell mostly skins (rolling papers). But damn it, sometimes you just want to smoke a hand-rolled cigarette (that's not a joke). I'm partial to one and their Raw papers are pretty damn nice. They also sell Three Castles Virginia rolling tobacco which I've heard is pretty good with a clean, bright Virginia taste. But that's not what I'm writing to you about. What I'm writing to you is actually something I discovered that they were doing that should probably get a lot more attention than it does.

They're selling tobacco seeds.

Under the Raw line, HBI is selling packets of 100 seeds in three different types: two burley and one habano. This is GREAT. While no, the homegrown stuff won't be as good as the stuff, say, Pepin or Padron, or Drew is putting out, the fact that someone has taken the initiative to say "Well, if there's huge taxes on tobacco, let's help people grow it themselves" is a goddamn great thing. I managed to get some packets of seeds (along with a hearty supply of rolling papers at the urging of Niki Crowder, the woman I talked to). I'll be buying a pot and soil while in Scotland and growing some 'baccy. Damn tootin!

At this point we broke for lunch. In all fairness, you probably need a break too. So here ya go:

Muppets make everything better.

Menendez Amerino: An interesting company to be truthful. They deal mainly in 100% Brazilian cigars, cigarillos, and filtered cigars. Their two main brands are Dona Flor (which consists of the Dona Flor, The Dona Flor Selecao, and Dona Flor Reserva Especiale) and the Alonson Menendez. Both come in a variety of sizes. They also have Dona Flor and Gabriela cigarillos and Royal Choice filtered little cigars. A huge catalog with a variety of packages. I've got some samples so I'll let you know how they smoke in the coming weeks.

Cuban Crafters: I've heard of Cuban Crafters but I hadn't had any of them. I knew them mainly through their Don Kiki line (in which Isy just gifted me a few) but it was nice to finally get the low-down on things. As for new products coming out, they've got quite a few. The Guantanamera 310 comes in a variety of sizes: robusto (5 x 52), toro and torpedo (6 x 52) and churchill (7 x 52). It's a Cuban seed filler with a Desflorado wrapper. Comes packed in boxes of 25. The Cuban Crafters Medina 1959 Miami Edition are hand-rolled in the CC Miami factory using Habano long-filler and binder with Cuban-seed wrapper. Comes in: robusto ( 5 x 50), Churchill ( 7 x 50), Torpedo ( 6.5 x 52), Lancero (7.5 x 38) and Corona gorda (6.5 x 64) in boxes of 25. They're also releasing a Cuban Crafters Cubano Claro which is made from Nicaraguan habano filler and binder with a Deslforado wrapper. Comes in a shitload of sizes at 20 (with one at 24) per box. Lastly is the Cupido Tuxedo which I'm assuming is like their Cupido line with a maduro wrapper (the specifics aren't shared). Comes in 25 count boxes in four sizes: torpedo (6 x 52), churchill (7 x 48), toro (6 x 50), and robusto (5 x 50).

Perdomo: For some reason when we stopped by the Perdomo booth there were HUGE pictures of guns. I guess it was advertisements for selling those padded hard cases but it was pretty shocking to see huge pictures of what looked like an Uzi with scope and extended barrel and another gun. It was kinda surreal. Regardless, I actually got to shake hands with Nick Perdomo again. I say again because I first met Nick awhile back at an event at Uptown. I got to talk with Nick and smoke a fresh rolled that a roller made right before my eyes. It was pretty great. I still even have a box signed by him, an empty box of my favorite Perdomo, the Champagne. The Originals, bitch! No 10th Anniversary in here. Anywho, I think the only new stuff they had was the Cuban Bullet v. 2.0 (the actual name). I didn't really get a chance to talk to anyone here because everyone was busy (I just managed to sneak in a handshake with Nick) so I'm not sure of the specifics. But if he keeps cranking out the Champagnes, the Habanos, and the Lot 23s, I'm perfectly content.

Battleground Cigars: This rivaled the Torano booth for my photographers favorite. He's a huge Civil War buff so he kinda nerded out at this booth. I don't know shit above what public school taught me about the Civil War but I know I love smoking cigars. They had vitolas under many of the generals (like Stonewall Jackson and Pickett) as well as Old Powderkeg brand as well. If you want to talk Civil War, I'll refer you to my cameraman. You can find him here.

Signature House Blend: A division of Superior Cigars U.S.A. I can't find much information on it (the booth didn't have pamphlets since they just redid their marketing). Alls I know is they look good and they have a huge variety of barber-pole cigars. They're meant to be sold as "house blends" for retailers but the packaging looks pretty damn nice for that. I'll contact them and get you more info so check back here.

Torano: My cameraman's other favorite place and one of mine as well. Torano has three new cigars coming out. First is the Single Region. Much like Tatuaje's La Verite, it is tobacco from a single farm from a single year. They're a Nicaraguan puro with a Criollo '98 wrapper (from jalapa), a binder from Jalapa, and a filler from el Estero Farm in Jalapa. It comes in a robusto (5 x 52) a toro grande (6 x 54) and a churchill (7 x 50). Next is the Master, by Carlos Torano. With a Ecuadorian Habano wrapper, a Nicaraguan binder, and an Esteli/Jalapa filler, it comes in a 5 x 50 robusto, a 7 x 50 churchill, and a 6.25 x 52 torpedo. Finally is the Brigade, a bundle cigar. An Ecuadorian Connecticut wrapper with a Nica filler and binder, it comes in the robusto, toro, churchill and torpedo. I have samples of all three so I'll put a review up once I've burned through 'em.

My Father Cigars: When I got to the My Father Cigar booth everyone was just lounging about with no one in sight. This isn't because people weren't buying. It's because people already bought. Apparently, Pepin SOLD OUT of stock on the first day. So he just got to chill with Janny and Jaime. Anyway, the Garcia's have three releases. Two are the release of two La Relobas. La Reloba Seleccion Sumatra is a Sumatran wrapped Nicaraguan filled and bound cigar. The Seleccion Habana is a Habano wrapper around Nica. binder and filler. Both are offered in robusto (5 x 50), toro (6.25 x 52), torpedo (6.125 x 52) and corona (5.625 x 46). The next is the Jaime Garcia Reserva Especial, a broad leaf wrapper around a Nica. binder and filler. Offered in robusto (5.25 x 52), toro (6 x 54), belicoso (5.5 x 52), petit robusto (4.5 x 50), and toro gordo (6 x 60). Oh, and how can I forget. There's also the My Father Limited Edition, a cigar made by both Jaime and Pepin Garcia.

Tatuaje: Pete's got some tricks up his sleeve for this year. This year's Halloween release is...DA FAAAAACE. The Face gets its own really sweet "spooky box", along with a paired cutter and lighter thanks to S.T. Dupont. His Tat line-up also gets new sizes too (mostly shorter ones which make me super happy). Finally, Pete has agreed to take on distribution of the Schrader cigar, which is a Dominican blended especially for the Schrader wine company as well as the Para Te, which is a Dominican that Pete has also agreed to take on. I got to talk to Pete (albeit briefly) and I've come to the conclusion that I really...really want to go drinking with Pete. He seems like a bourbon kinda guy.

Illusione: Oh Dion, you're so crazy. Dion has decided to be super crazy and extend the wrapper selection on his ~hl~ line. It gets a new maduro wrapper...and a claro wrapper as well. Seriously, a claro wrapper? That's ballsy. I've only seen one candela/claro wrapped cigar and that's the 8-5-8 Flora Fina by Fuente. We'll see what it's like when they release. He also decided to do the Singulare which will change blends/vitola every year as Dion sees fit. The Eperney also gets "Le Matin" or "The Morning", which is a boxed press variety.

Lastly, when you check the photos, you'll see that there's some more CAO pics. That's because we went back to the booth to make sure we had the correct run-down. I also managed to have a power-talk with Jon Huber, CAO's Director of Lifestyle Marketing. He's a great guy and a pleasure to talk to. We talked about the professional/business usage of Twitter (which he was reluctant to do but eventually caved to participating). My cameraman described him as "like the Tony Stark of the cigar world" which is probably the coolest thing he's ever called anyone.

Well, that's about it as far as event coverage. I've been ruminating on the show since I got back and I've still got one more post I'd like to do on IPCPR just to sum things up. Hope you enjoyed my (late) coverage. Sorry about that. I'll try not to get sick next time. Oh, and indulge in pictures:

What did I learn at IPCPR?

IPCPR: Day 3

2010-08-14T18:59:00.002-04:00

Miss Day 1? For shame! Catch up here.
Miss Day 2? You are a terrible human being. Get up to date here.

In New York, if it's humid and it rains, the humidity gets better. Generally, the rain saturates the air, causing more water to condense from gas phase (humidity). It hits the pavement and, once the rain stops, slowly dries. When it cools at night, more comes out and is dissipated. When it warms the next day, there is less humidity. Everyone is happy.

Toto, we are no longer in New York.

The rain only serves to make it even more impossible to sweat. Coating you in a fine mist of "fuck you", you now can't even sweat right. Perspiration beads in your hair, on your arms, everywhere; slowly falling off and blending in with the rain around you. So you're soaked and continue to be for at least a few hours after you get out of the rain. This is what I wake up to.

My body, in its infinite and unpredictable wisdom, decides to say "fuck it" and turns off my immune system. Between dealing with the rapid and unavoidable overheating of my entire body and the intake of what would amount to several cigars worth of ambient smoke (on top of what I was smoking), it just couldn't handle it. So I wake up this morning to rain. And a kidney infection.

But the battlefield painters of the Civil War didn't stay home from Gettysburg just because of a cold. The reporters in the field from WWII (like Ernie Pyle) didn't take a break for a sore throat. So I popped one of my painkillers, got the home phone number of my doctor ready for later, and hit the show. Dedication. It's what I do.

Here are the show notes:

Cusano: Got talking with Jeff Aronson, Cusano's first employee who joined them back in '95. Jeff is a stand-up guy. I would totally go drinking with Jeff. Only five minutes after meeting him we were busting balls like we'd known each other for years. Great guy. He gave me the low-down on the Cusano lineup, from their bundles (Cusano blends of popular General Cigar lines) to their new stuff. Look for the Cusano 15th Anniversary to come out (in boxes of 15). A heady lancero with a Dom. wrapper, it looks absolutely excellent. Also, look for more from their Cuvee line in the form of the Cuvee Cusano Signature. They look really tasty. Cusano is also a part of DomRey, who now own (EDIT: They just distribute them. Whoops) the Agio and Panter brands. I finally got to try some of the Panter stuff and they were surprisingly good. The Blue (a more mild) and the Sprint (a more full bodied) were actually pretty decent smokes for dry cures. The Dessert wasn't that good, I have to say. It lost a lot of flavor to the filter.

Stopped at the Social Smoke booth where I got to try some of their mint hookah tobacco. It was delicious. I find myself really enjoying the hookah. I got talking to some other guys about hookah tobacco (which'll be in the next post) and we shared the sentiment of how awesome hookah is socially and economically. For $15, you can share a hookah for a few hours with a couple of friends and shoot the shit. It makes me want to travel to the Middle East just to sit around, drink mint tea, and smoke hookah. That's legit, right? Traveling to a region just to smoke?

Jameson Cigars: I don't actually think they're releasing anything new but I finally got to meet Brad Mayo. He's cool. I like him. And he's got some killer cigars, from what I hear. Do I need to say any more?

CAO: Their big release is their La Traviata Maduro. The same La Traviata blend wrapped in a maduro wrapper. However, for me, their big release isn't the La Traviata Maduro. Or their Brazilia Corcovado (4.25 x 60). Or even their LX2 Gordo (6 x 60). Nope. It's the fact that they're extending their range of smaller, tinned cigars. The Brazilia Cariocas are so good. There's tinned cigars in everything but the America, including the original Traviata. Yummers! Oh...and one more thing.

DUNHILL PIPE TOBACCOS ARE BACK.

CAO negotiated the rights to distribution in the United States. For awhile, Dunhill wasn't being imported to the States which made me a sad, sad panda.

Camacho: I know that there's a new Room 101 coming out but that's about it. The booth was packed and almost everyone was busy so I didn't get a whole lot of info from there. I'll do some digging though. Or, y'know...you could check out Stogie Review. But I'll dig anyway.

Bossner: First off, there's a cigar named Don Willi. If this isn't intriguing enough, it's named after Willi Tokarev, a Russian singer. If that's not good enough, the man sports a moustache that would make Tom Selleck weep and shit his pants in fear. I'm of the opinion that Don Willi isn't the man but rather the 'stache. The body is but merely a host for the demi-god of facial hairriffic aspects. The cigar comes in both Dominican and Nicaraguan varieties, with a Connecticut wrapper on the Dominican and an Ecuadorian maduro on the Nicaraguan. I've also heard that these cigars are like Rogaine for the upper lip. But that's just hearsay.

BREAK TIME!

Have a video to sooth your aching eyes.

Ok, break time's over. Back to it!

Berger and Argenti: On top of the well received Entubar and Clasico, they're releasing the budget-minded Mooch. They're also extending the Entubar line with the Quad Maduro. All of them look delicious. I had a picture of the Quad Maduros but the glare on them made it almost impossible to see. Blame my camera guy.

Great Wall: This, to me, was one of the more interesting booths at the show in terms of new stuff. A company based in China that imports its wrapper, binder, and filler leaves (mostly from Indonesia), cigars of a variety of shapes and types are rolled in China and then exported. The lines range from premium hand-rolled cigars to machine-made cheapies and also filtered cigars. I'd be lying through the teeth if I said I didn't want to try their offerings. Note: Site is in Chinese. Use Babelfish to translate.

Cigar Family: The Fuentes have decided to add on to the Diamond Crown line by adding on the Julius Caeser (which the fucking spelled wrong and it pisses me off). However, that's not the cool part. The cool part of their new additions (because these I can afford) are the additions to the Flor de Ybor City line. The original lineup, wrapped in one of three wrappers (Connecticut shade, Connecticut broadleaf maduro, or Ecuadorian sun grown) now has another sister line, the Ybor Gold "Broadway Series". Each vitola is named after a special aspect of the history of Ybor city. Some names include the Bolita (after the lottery in the late 1800s/early 1900s), the Lector (the reader that would entertain rollers as they worked), and the Carrito 413 (a double name of both the streetcars of Ybor City and the date of manufacture for the first handrolled cigar in Ybor City). Details on composition are unavailable but I'll do some investigation on this one too.

Cuban Stock: I can't actually say what's new from here because I've never heard of them before. But their cigars look delicious. They have a lot of cigars covering a broad range of price points. From the looks of things they use a majority of Dominican filler, binder, and wrapper with a few exceptions to the rule. They offer a lot in their Cuban Stock line (includin both boxed, premium and bundle), Chubby (appropriately named fat-as-hell ring gauge cigars) as well as some exclusive and limited stuff (appropriately titled Exclusivo). I talked to Yaniv Levy, the President of the company and he said that, by far, the "Everyday Joe" line of short-filler corojo wrapped kick-around cigars. I don't know if my cameraman got a picture of it but their Cuban Stock bundled short perfectos looked sublime. I got a sample from Yaniv that I'll review soon.

Villiger Stokkebye: I just absorbed Villiger, really. It was great to talk to (and thank) the guys that make my favorite beater cigar: the Villiger Export Natural. It's not the most glamorous cigar but you don't need to humidify it, cut it, or baby it. It's a rough and tumble little bastard that you can chew the shit out of, smoke like a chimney, and ditch half-way through when it gets too cold out. It will still love you. I was pleased to hear that in addition to their Villiger 1888 premiums they're rolling out the La Libertad, a Peruvian wrapped and bound cigar with Dominican and Nicaraguan fillers. I got a sample so stay tuned for a review on this one. I'll also probably be ordering some more of their dry cured cigars to try. They have a dry cured culebra that needs a good home.

Miura Cigars: Hadn't heard about Miura either so I'll just give a run-down on what they've got. They've got two semi-premiums and a sandwich. The first is the Directo de Fabrica which has a Nic and Panamanian filler with a Nic. binder. Comes in wrappers of: Ecuadorian Connect., Braz. Maduro, Panamanian Rosado, and Nic. Habano. A variety of vitolas including some barber-pole wrapped cigars. Next is the Novillos, which is the same stats as the Fabrica (no Rosado though). These are their fat bastard cigars with ring gauges of 60 and 62. They're short and chubby, just like me! Yay! Finally are the Havana Sandwiches (WHAT'S THAT SANDVICH?). Indonesian wrapped, Nica. bound, and filled with Nica and Peruvian tobaccos. Looking at mostly big honkin' sizes (Churchill, super Chruchill, and 7" torpedo). Mixed filler too.

Exclusive Cigars: The highlight of Day 2. By sheer coincidence I got a short interview with Glen Case, the Big Pappa of Exclusive Cigars (that's President in layman's/non-insane terms). We talked about my favorite topic: following your passion. Glen was originally in the banking industry and he HATED it. So he decided to bail on that bullshit and pursue what he loved: cigars. So he got in contact with a manufacturer, blended the tobacco himself, created the logo, printed it on a dot matrix printer himself, bagged, AND shipped from his house. All. On. His. Own. He originally created bundled cigars but his brand really took off with the introduction of the Kristoff (which is how I knew of him). While I'm not sure what he's got new, I do know that Glen is a fantastic person that I admire. I sure as shit ain't running a website because I'll be rolling in the dough. Sadly, I've never had anything of his lines so, along with the Villiger stuff, this will probably be one thing I order before I leave. Them Kristoffs look pretty...pretty gooooood.

Note: We also went back to La Aurora to thank Amaury for the invite to the Guillermo Leon party. The pictures from the day before didn't come out so hot (stupid camera) so we snapped some new ones.

After going back to the hotel and nabbing a shower, I knew it was time to call the doctor. A quick call at about 9pm meant I had to get my medicine at a local 24 hour pharmacy before the Twitter Brothers of the Leaf Cocktail Hour, put on by the fine fellows at Stogie Review. While I couldn't drink at Dos Jefe's (antibiotics and booze is bad, mmmmk?), a glass of water was all I needed. It was great to finally meet Brian, Jerry, and Walt. I also got to schmooze with the fine fellows at The 7th Reserve. I somehow was quick enough on the draw to end up with one of the mammoth TBOTLCH Swag Bags of Doom. This behemoth contained samples of MANY of the new lines from participating cigar manufacturers. I overheard someone there saying that with a bag of that caliber, you didn't need to visit the booths during the show. But hell, I love seeing people that I've only seen in magazines.

Well, here's to a belly full of cranberry juice, cigar smoke, antibiotics, and dedication. It is filling. Oh, right. HAVE SOME PICTURES!

On to Day 4!

IPCPR: Day 2

2010-08-12T03:47:00.004-04:00

Miss Day 1? For shame! Catch up here.

It's hot. So very, very hot. You step outside and your clothing immediately sticks to you like a bad lamination job. It's 90 in the shade. The good news is the humidity is perfect...for keeping cigars moist. Too moist, actually. Outside is like trying to lead a life in a perpetual sauna. But inside the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center...it's pleasantly cool. Gentle wafts of cigar smoke billow out of the main room like the welcome embrace of a loved one. This is the first day that the convention floor is open and it's open season for many eager cigar aficionados, retailers, and even exhibitors. It's a chance, for everyone, to see what's new. And by jove, that's what I did. So here it is, the day 1 summary. Ready? Here we go.

Old School Cigars: An interesting boutique blend that I'd heard about but never had seen in the flesh. I got a chance to shoot the shit with Danny, the vice president. Very nice guy. He explained a bit about his brand and it was cool to see the passion behind it. Made for them by Camacho, they have several brands under the Old School name: the Old School Originals, Stixx, GR8, and the Randello (which I tried). The Randello was a pleasantly spicy and robust cigar that had both power and balance. Nice stuff. The Randello Robusto was $6, which I think is a fair price for the cigar.

La Aurora: La Aurora has some pretty awesome stuff coming out. I spent a goodly amount of time talking with the La Aurora Twitter guru, Amaury Abreu. La Aurora / Miami Cigars has released the La Aurora Corojo, which looked tasty as hell. There's also word that they're in the process of tweaking the lancero blend for the La Aurora 107. Nestor is releasing the Art Deco, which is a veritable smorgasbord of corojo, criollo, and habano of different ages, blended and manufactured in the Pepin factory. However, the piece de resistance is the Guillermo Leon cigar. The cool part about it is the double binder of both Cameroon and Corojo (for clean and sweet tobacco taste as well as some punch). Interesting to see how it works. I have a sample and my cameraman has already smoked it. He said it was delicious, with a leathery taste and sweet spice to it. Nom.

General Cigar Co.: General has quite a bit in the works.

Macanudo gets a few newbies to their line-up: the Grand Cru and the Vintage '97 Maduro. While I'm not entirely sure what's in the Grand Cru (I do have a sample that they graciously provided), the Vintage '97 is what I want to talk about. It has these funky bands on them that only a select few of them will get. It's a metal band that helps "gauge the appropriate humidity of the cigar", according to the rep. If the band is too loose, the cigar is underhumidified. If it's too tight, it's over-humidified. An interesting idea but honestly a little far-fetched. I've heard that they'll be about $8 which is pretty steep for a piece of steel wrapped around a Macanudo. But maybe I'll be proven wrong.

La Gloria Cubana gets the Artesanos de Obelisco, a pyramide shaped vitola with a curiously aged looking band. The specs on it are as follows: Ecuadorian Sumatra wrapper with a Connecticut broadleaf binder all delicately snuggling Dominican and Nicaraguan filler. It also gets the La Gloria Serie N, which is mostly Nica with, I think, an Ecuadorian wrapper.

I think there was something else from them but I didn't get to see it. Their massive booth was pretty busy. Although I did manage to receive a fresh-rolled La Gloria from the very kind roller there. The man loved his Diet Coke, I'll give him that.

Altadis: The highlight of this entire booth was the Warlock, simply because I am a huge damn nerd and it entertained the hell out of me. I don't even know what the specs on it are because everyone was busy but it was just mesermizingly nerdy so that's all I remember from the booth. Whoops. EDIT: Some more info on the Warlock. It's an Omar Ortez with an Ecuadorian Cubano wrapper and Nicaraguan binder around Dom. and Nica fillers.

Xikar: They came out with a few lines of new cutters/lighters. The first is the Mayan collection which, honestly, is self-explanatory. I'm not much for the pseudo-tribal kinda vibe so I wasn't feeling it, honestly. However, I WAS feeling the Drew Estate collab. stuff they were going, including the Acid cutter (which, despite the fact that I'm not a huge Acid fan, was very well done) as well as the Liga Privada lighters which I would buy in a heartbeat. Cool stuff.

Hammer and Sickle: You're just gonna have to wait on this one. I'm doing an entire post dedicated to this one. Sit tight.

*insert break for lunch at Mulate's here*

J. Fuego: Two things here: the release of the 777 Maduro (same as the 777 except a maduro wrapper). However, what I really found awesome were the Origens, a 100% corojo cigar that comes both in boxes but also in small hand-rolled cheroot like bastards, called Originals. They look very, very tasty.

Ashton: The biggest deal here is the La Aroma de Cuba Mi Amor. A Pepin cigar comprised of a Mexican Cuban-seed wrapper with Nicaraguan filler, everyone at the booth (including the employees) seemed excited about this thing. Although, if I got to sit around and smoke them all day, I'd probably be pretty excited about them too. Also, the specials booklet I picked up looks distinctly like a Holt's catalog. I wonder why...

Also stopped by the Illusione table to see Dion, who was extremely generous and gifted me a pack of Cuchillos Cubanos (because I'm an idiot and didn't hear about them somehow). They were goooooood. I'll save his stuff for a later date.

After the IPCPR we took a brief respite then headed off to two parties. The first up was the official launch of the La Aurora Guillermo Leon, which took place down on Bourbon Street. It was absolutely fantastic. A fat kid can't say no to a catered event with an open bar. Senor Leon gave a short introduction to his brand as well as his goals, which was well-received. He's a nice guy, that Guillermo. Also, very busy.

The last party of the night was the Cigar Press party at Don Leoncio's on Canal. Dion Giolito, Jon Huber, Thor Nielson, and Pete Johnson all took turns spinning tunes (and gulping cold beers in the stifling heat).

All in all, a fun first day. I'll have the second day up tomorrow and the third day up...uh....y'know what, just stay tuned. I'm doing the best I can here. Don't forget this is free, ya bastards!

Oh, have some photos:

On to Day 3!

IPCPR: Day 1

2010-08-09T23:29:00.001-04:00

Have you ever seen the movie "The Aristocats"? It's a 1970's Disney animated show about a hoity-toity female cat and her family fraternizing with this beatnik cat in the city of Paris. In this movie has one of the best damn songs in the world. It's called "Everyone Wants To Be A Cat". Here it is:

Isn't that song just crazy awesome? Even if it's slightly racially insensitive (I'm looking at you, poor Siamese cat), the swing-y, jazzy sound to it is just plain crazy good. It is this song that I've had stuck in my head through the ENTIRETY of my tenure in the fine city of New Orleans. All twelve hours of it.

I'm not sure what it is about this city but I really groove on it. Maybe it's the brass band music that pervasive up and down every street. Maybe it's the hearty guffaws and giggles of mirth from every doorway. Maybe it's the fact that you can walk down the street with an open container while smoking. I dunno. It's probably all of it.

Traveling here wasn't too difficult. The flights were pleasant (if cramped), the stewardesses were cool to talk to (was talking about Paterson's tax hikes with the stewardess on the Albany to Columbus leg), and the terminals were all air-conditioned and well stocked with magazines and coffee. Getting up at 3am (well, leaving at 3am because I didn't sleep) was a bit of a stretch but it wasn't that bad. The skies were clear and free from turbulence. All in all, relatively non-stressful.

Post-flight saw me finally crashing at the hotel for a few hours of desperately needed sleep. I wanted to go to the Henke Kelner "Cigars 101" seminar but I was just too damn tired. I woke up starving (I had McDonalds at 5am and it was now 5pm). We decided to sojourn to Acme Oyster House for a fish fry. Oh, and oysters on the half-shell. I'd never had them. The wait in line was long due to the fact that my cameraman was one turtle-slow bastard. After finally getting in, I settled in with one of the greatest cocktails ever made. A Sazerac. A Sazerac, New Orleans official cocktail as mandated by government, is a simple affair of roughly 2 oz. rye, a few dashes of Angostura bitters laced into a sugar cube, and absinthe. The resulting amalgamation of strong, fiery sweet rye with a light anise and herbal flavor is probably what God drinks with his Sunday brunch. Here she is:

This hell-brew of awesome paired extremely well with a half dozen oysters on the half shell. And the charbroiled oysters. And the Seafood Special: catfish, oysters, shrimp (all fried) with sweet potato fries and hush puppies. Y'know what, just pair it with everything. IT WORKS, OK.

As we were getting ready to leave, I even saw CigarLaw, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be that creepy guy that addresses you in front of your friends by saying "I KNOW YOU FROM TWITTER." Let's be honest, the next line to that sentence should be "I'D LIKE TO WEAR YOUR SKIN LIKE A COAT." It's that creepy of an ice-breaker. To close out the night we stopped at an timeless and unyielding pinnacle of shopping luxury: CVS. Why did we stop at CVS? Because you can buy fucking booze at CVS here. Not only can you smoke in bars and drink on the street...but you can buy alcohol at every grocery store and pharmacy and what-have-you all across the city. Needless to say, I'm sitting here drinking a glass of Sazerac Rye and writing this.

Being in the city is damn near magical. The people are friendly. The music is loud and boisterous. The drinks flow the Big Miss and no one looks at you strange for drinking on the street. I mean, hell, I bought a bottle of Sazerac Rye, a lighter, and a pack of cigarettes (FOR SMOKING IN BARS) at 9:30pm. AT A CVS. I think I'm going to like it here.

On to Day 2!

IPCPR Show

2010-08-08T21:04:00.000-04:00

In less than 12 hours I'll be hopping aboard one of my two flights to New Orleans. I'm bringing my laptop with me so you'll get hot, fresh updates at the end of each day (providing I'm not too wiped out, then you might get it the next day). Keep an eye on my Twitter feed for any breaking news bulletins and watch out for (hopefully) nightly posts. If you've got anything you think I should check out or want me to check out for you, just drop me a line at my email, hit me up on Twitter, or even message the fan page on Facebook. Pipes, cigars, whatever, just drop me a line and I'll do my best to get over there.

Catch you on the flipside.

Tabacalera Falto "El Josco"

2010-08-01T12:30:00.000-04:00

When I first tried this cigar it wasn't, how can I say it, very good. It had some really weird notes to it (it tasted like a bitter, musty attic). I was generally concerned. While not all of the Falto stuff has been right up my alley I've gotten to the point where I kinda get the general gist of most of Luis' blends and such. And let me tell you, this was wayyyyyy off. It was like smoking water-damaged 70s shag carpet. I knew it couldn't be the cigar. It had to be me. So I chalked it up to a bad day: maybe allergies, maybe what I had for lunch. I decided to give the El Josco it's due the other day and I'm glad that I did. It's pretty...pretty goooood. Here are the notes:

First quarter: Starts out with a rush of spice. Not spicy, but spice. It's like liking an Arab caravan in Lawrence of Arabia. A touch of cardamom, a dash of mace. But the biggest contender was cinnamon. And it had a nuttiness to it as well. The best allegory I can come up with is this: have you ever been to a county fair (or ANYWHERE in NYC's Chinatown) and seen those saintly vendors that sell sugar-coated roasted nuts? Y'know, the ones that are shellacked in a cinnamon-y sweet goodness? The smell of which pervades a 100 foot radius, drawing people in like mesmerized flies to a bug zapper? It kinda tasted like that. It had a peanut nuttiness, cinnamon, and a particular sweetness from the tobacco that I found rather alluring.

Half-way: Unfortunately, much like that tiny package of nuts you buy, the flavor is fleeting. The cinnamon and sugar taste faded to leave just hints of cinnamon with plenty of nuts and an emergence of leather. For the record, those nut guys should sell the "Fat Boy Special", which should be a pound of those nuts. Those tiny little tubes are just not gonna cut it with those things. Anyway, at this point it's hovering around a medium which is cool because the main line is a little light. Nice, but lighter than I typically reach for.

Note: it's not exactly at 3/4ths in this picture but I had to snap it early due to the sun setting. Sorry.

Third-quarter: Heavily leather, still peanut-y, and some cedar now. It's shaping up to be a solid medium bodied cigar. The burn on it was a bit roughshod at this point but it was a little windy out so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. It tunneled a touch even though I'd kept it at about 70% humidity for awhile. But still, not a bad cigar.

Would I reach for it? Maybe. Depends on the price. It's got more body to it, which is nice, and some nice flavor to it but I couldn't see myself paying more than $6.50 - $7 for this (NY prices).

EDIT: Just checked the MSRP on these El Joscos. They're $3.68 each but it looks like they're no longer in production. As a matter of fact, his MSRPs are insanely low. I'll see if he'll let me put them up online because frankly, they're so cheap I'd be all over buying boxes of most of his stuff.

At this point I'm winding down with the Falto cigar line. Unfortunately, mold claimed a few vitolas so I won't be able to review them (the Robustos and another size that I can't remember off the top of my head didn't make it). No fault of Luis' though. It's all me. I kept 'em too close to the humidity beads.

An In With Bacchus Guide On: How to Function at a Bar

2010-07-29T16:26:00.000-04:00

I've had enough of this horseshit. Somewhere along the way from the 50's, people have become completely inept at functioning in bars. I'm not sure what the hell happened but I'm chalking this up to the drinking age going from 18 to 21. Bar etiquette is a thing of the past. Ordering has devolved to shouting as loud as you can and/or waving the largest monetary bill you have like some sort of flag of sober desperation.

I'm fucking tired of it.

So, in a vague attempt to teach at least some of you how not to be assholes in a bar, I've decided to craft a post on "How to Function at a Bar" because, frankly, you're miserable at it. Don't worry. Let a seasoned drinking vet guide you through this. So, let's begin, shall we?

The In With Bacchus Guide On How To Function At A Bar (Because So Many People Are Terrible At It):

Part 1: Where to order
The most important step in this is CHOOSING YOUR BAR. In today's onslaught of T.G.I Friday and Applebee's "bars", people have come to the conclusion that every bar is the same and they can get whatever they want in any bar they please.

You're fucking wrong.

In order to not be a complete douchebag, you need to choose a bar carefully. Think of it like choosing a first home for your family. Does it have the right neighborhood? Enough space? Is the price right? It's that important. First, let's take a short test. Time to step up to B.A.T, or the Bar Aptitude Test. Let's begin, shall we?

Question 1: You come off the street and find yourself at this bar:


Courtesy of Snakes and Jakes

You order:
A) A double martini, straight up with a twist. Extra dry. Stirred. Two olives, one onion.
B) Shot of Wild Turkey with a beer back.
C) Chocolate martini
D) Sazarac

Alright, time's up. If you answered A or C, we light Chuck Norris' legs on fire and he roundhouses you in the face so hard your nose turns to diamond. B is perfectly acceptable for that kind of situation. D is a potential. IF you researched the bar, like I said, you'll note that it's in New Orleans, famous for its Sazeracs so it may make a mean one.

Question 2: You come off the street and find yourself at this bar:

Courtesy of The Brandy Library

You order:
A) Whisk(e)y, neat or on the rocks.
B) A Red Headed Slut
C) A double martini, straight up with a twist. Extra dry. Stirred. Two olives, one onion.
D) A Manhattan.

Time's up. If you answered B or C, we stop feeding Joe Pesci for a few days then lock him in a room with you and a butter knife. A and D are excellent choices. B makes me wish it was possible to punch your soul. C makes me angry but for reasons I'll explain later.

The key here is to attend a bar based on what you have in mind. If you've had a bad day and you just want to drink Boilermaker's until you pass out in a urinal, Snakes and Jakes is your friend. You want a nice glass of something special, maybe a well made cocktail, and some good conversation? Go to the Brandy Library. I recommend looking up bars ahead of time in the area you'll be in (the internet is a wonderful thing). This is extremely nerdy but it prevents you from getting either beaten up by the locals when you order a Fuzzy Navel at a shot-and-beer joint and it keeps you from looking like an inbred fool when you order PBR at a high-end bar. However, if you decide to pick at will, look for the key sign: how well is the place kept? Is the outside dingy and dirty? Poorly lit or broken neon sign? No outside lighting except for a lone bulb in a broken light fixture? It's probably a dive bar. Is it well lit and nicely kept? Is the sign prominent (perhaps on an awning) and tastefully done? It's probably a nicer bar. Use damn common sense, really. Occasionally you'll get that middle-ground bar by accident. Not quite dive, not quite hoity-toity. If so, stick to liquor and one mixer drinks, like gin and tonics. You'd be surprised how far they go outside of the realm of liquor and coke. Try maybe a Dark and Stormy if they have ginger beer (dark rum and ginger beer) or maybe a 7 and 7 (Seagrams 7 and 7-Up). If not, go for a glass of wine or a draft beer. If you see bartenders slinging around Boston shakers like rice at a wedding, then it's probably safe to go far more adventurous. But if you can't visibly see a shaker anywhere near the bar, stick to simple stuff.

Addendum: Hipsters

Dear Hipsters,
If you're reading this, congratulations on doing what you like to do. While I hate to sound discriminatory, if you want to be a bold hipster, stay at hipster bars. What I mean by "bold" is that you're loud and proud in a metaphorical sense. You like discussing obscure bands. You tinker with guitars in bars. You decide to be emo and wistfully stare at the opposite sex in a corner seat. Yeah, you don't think I notice you but generally...I'm about two steps away from throwing you out the door.

Listen, I give you mad props that you're doing what you love despite how people feel about it. Right on. However, like pushy vegans, just because I'm near you doesn't mean I want to do what you do. Or even experience a smidge of it. If you want to sulk at the fact that you're just too misunderstood to find a mate that likes you, fine. Join the goddamn club. We meet every day at a place called "a bar". Just keep it on the down-low like the rest of us. We don't need you puppy-dog eyeing and sighing into your beer. Also, unless people are actively using instruments in a bar, don't think that it's cool to sit in a bar and belt out really shitty covers or even shittier self-written songs. I applaud the fact that you are engaged in trying to get me to drink faster but I really don't need more grease on the runners as I slide down this particular slope.

"But I.W.B!" they say! "You wear those hipster glasses and listen to obscure blues songs! It's a very large pot calling a very small kettle black!". First off, go fuck yourself. We're going to play a game here called "Look At My Glasses":

See my glasses? Do you see the lenses? They're HUGE. While I enjoy the style of these glasses I mainly use them because they're the only ones that'll hold my lenses in. If I didn't have lenses thicker than Beyonce's ass, I'd be wearing wire-frames. Also, good music stopped coming out with the death of prog. rock and old school rap. There, I said it. And I'm not taking it back.

Suffice to say: you want to be a vocal hipster? Do it at a hipster bar. Otherwise, shut up and drink.

Part 2: What to order
You've picked your place. Congrats. You're one step closer to being an American of old. An American who knew how to drink and when/where to drink it. Read: anything and everywhere. Now to figure out what you're gonna let rip-roar down your throat like the Colorado River. Let's delve, shall we?

First off, I'd like to discuss the martini choice above. I said that I didn't like it and it's true. Let me explain. Let's say that I go to the garage with my car. I pull the car in and talk to the mechanic. I tell him: "Yeah, the tires need a balance and a rotation. Can you balance it while the car's facing north and there's a bobblehead Jesus on the dash. Also, can you rotate the front tires half a spin counterclockwise and the rear tires a quarter spin clockwise?" If you were the mechanic, you would look at me like I was crazier than a shithouse rat. You're doing essentially the same thing at a bar. It is to be expected that you like your drink. That's fine. If it's too strong, tip well. If it's too weak, order a double next time. Extreme customization of a drink means you probably should have just made it at home or stuck to something else. You're not "customizing", you're just being a picky asshole.

Also, stop being a bar-top chemist every time you belly up. There are people out there that see that wall of booze and just want it all. They start greedily telling the bartender to mix a whole shit-ton of beverages into one glass like a fat guy assembling a plate at a buffet. But for the love of all things holy people, stop pretending you just got your "My First Mixology Set" every time you sit at a bar-stool. Leave the mixology to the bartender. If you're going to a bar for a mixed drink like that, you damn well better have chosen a mixologists bar. They're a growing (and blissful) trend these days so go there if you feel like playing mad scientist with your hooch. The part about this that pisses me off the most is I've been with/over heard people at bars that do this. Once that golden chalice of ominous concoction is placed in front of them and they take an oblivion-seeking slurp...they don't like it. Actually, that's too mild. I've seen some scrunch up their face like someone just killed their loved one while they were eating a lime. I've seen some go wide-eyed like a deer in the alcoholic headlights. A few I've seen retch. And then they complained to the bartender and got the drink taken off their tab.

Go fuck yourselves.

You decided to play Cocktail Roulette, you pay for the damn thing. Its not the bartender's fault / bar's fault that you suck at making drinks even when you're not actually making them yourself. That's how bad you are at it. That's how much you fail. But no, little miss/mister Bitchface McGee decides its the bar's fault. So that cocktail made of 25 year old scotch and sour apple pucker? The bar eats that cost. It may even come out of the bartender's wages. So fuck you. You play the game, you face the consequences if you lose. If someone plays Russian Roulette and they know they got the bullet, they can't just give the gun back to the person in charge and say "I got the bullet, spin it again". You play the game, you follow the rules.

Step 3: How To Order
The most insulting thing these days is the fact that people no longer have patience. They want their drink in their mouth three minutes before they order it. Any longer than that they get pissed and tip poorly. First off, slow down Speedy Gonzalez. Even the shittiest cocktail takes time to make. Let them make it and maybe it won't suck. A properly poured beer takes time. When I went to Ireland, you could always tell who was a tourist and who wasn't by watching them order a Guinness. They'd order a "Guinness", not a "pint". The worst part is they weren't patient. If you know anything about Guinness, it should be that it takes 119.53 seconds to pour a decent pint. It takes place typically in two stages: the primary pour for volume and the secondary pour for the head. See this video for how to pour:

A tourist would always grab it either a) right after the bartender does the first pour but before the second pour or b) TOO EARLY AFTER THE SECOND POUR. You have to let the beer sit to develop the thick, white head to it. But no, Tourist Bob wanted it NOW. So he'd grab it while it was doing this:

Whoops. Way to fuck up a respectable pint by being impatient. So yeah, patience is kinda important. Just saying though.

Now that we've got patience down, let's move on to how to order. Approach the bar confidently. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU GET TO THE BAR. No one likes the person that doesn't know what they want when the bartender gets to them. Figure it out beforehand. If you get nervous (it's fine, drinking at a bar is an intimidating thing to some), just repeat it either under your breath or in your head a few times to get it down. Make sure you have CASH. CASH is important because not all bars have credit cards or an ATM close. If you're going out to drink, make sure you have the cash to cover what you drink in case they don't accept plastic. Besides, you're going to want to tip in cash anyway. Cash has a delicious fluidity when it comes to taxes. Not that I'd know.

So, you're at the bar. You know what you want. You have your cash out, in your hand, but not waving it like you're trying to surrender to the bartender. Catch their eye and smile. Be relaxed and polite. Being impolite gets you nowhere. Being polite and tipping well means that you'll get stronger drinks, more frequent buybacks (more on this later), and faster service. The quicker you become a regular, the better. At this point, just wait for them to get around to you. If it takes them awhile, be patient. The drink will taste sweeter.

Buybacks - Always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS tip on a buyback. A buyback is the bartender saying "Thanks for being a boozehound at MY bar. Keep drinking." And you should honor that. That's a free drink to put down your gullet. Reward it with some bread. The bartender deserves it. But, don't expect buybacks. Some bars are more stingy about their booze and buybacks are frowned upon (read: you get fired). Don't go to a bar expecting a buyback. If one comes your way, be happy and tip well.

So yeah. Follow these basic rules and you should be alright. If you need any more help, just let me know and I'll expound more. I'm good at that.

Harvest Spirits Revisited - Sunday, July 25th

2010-07-25T15:22:00.000-04:00

There is nothing like experiencing a true "welcome sight". For some it is that first glimpse of family or a loved one after an extended time away from them. From others, it's that particular gleam that haunts the eyes upon seeing something that you've always wanted end up in your hands. For others, the birth of a child and watching them grow up all around you. Maybe it's getting home after a long vacation; the promise of snuggling in to a cozy cup of tea and a book. These, for many, are the definition of welcome sights.

They are, however, typically not mine.

Nothing gets me more giddy than this sight:

The art and craft of distillation gets me more riled up than a fox in a chicken coop. Many can attest to the nigh supernatural euphoria that overtakes me upon venturing into either a distillery or place of veritable and distinct distillate wonders. Thus, entering into the world of Harvest Spirits in Valatie, NY is a transcendental, soul changing place for me. Everything in it just makes me feel at home. The fact that it's housed in an old cold-house for apples. The warm wood used everywhere in a variety of ages. The gleaming copper and glistening glass of her pot and rectifying stills. The smooth, cool-white look of the food-grade plastic fermentation tanks. The nooks and crannies filled with bric-a-brack, Mason jars, and fermentation carboys; all a testament to the art of distilling. This, is a welcome sight.

As you may have guessed, a great deal of time Saturday was spent to revisiting Harvest Spirits. As I noted in my Indy Spirits Expo post, Harvest Spirits (spearheaded by Collin McConville) was pouring their wares. I'd been in contact with Collin about some of their forthcoming grappa and when I ran into him there, he...enlightened me on a few other experimental projects they had going. Remember how I said, and I quote, "a special applejack that I will greedily chug like a pig". This was a subtle dig at what they had in store. First, let me show you something.

Above is a picture of their on-site rack-house. When I first went they had, maybe, 8-10 unadorned barrels. Now look at it. They had to be stacked at least 15 feet high and there were more on trellises to the left. They also took the liberty of fancying up the barrel heads. Let me illustrate:

Its funny because he's in stripes and there's a hole in the floor. Also because I'd do the same.

I would like to do "dueling shots" with whatever is in this barrel.

Rip Van Hammered. Or a really drunk garden gnome.

Wait. Monkies? I don'...OH. Barrel of monkies. I gotcha.

But lo, there is one last barrel that I have to show you. Let me emphasize the PIG part of my quote above. Why? Because....

Barreled brilliance.

Yes. Yes it is. That is bacon applejack. No fooling. That barrel head is not a lie. Collin told me at the Indy Spirits Expo about it and I've been frothing at the bit to try it since then. Created by half-loading their pot still with cider and then dumping in raw bacon (using cooked bacon was attempted but according to Collin it "tasted like rotted meat") and then ran the run. He pulled a barrel sample for us (my photographer from the Indy Spirits Expo came along, even though he just mooched and didn't take one damn photo) and we sampled. Here's the sample:

Now, in order to fully do this justice, I have to describe how hot it was out. The outside temperature had to be bordering 95 with 100% humidity. The barn it was in, thanks to the lack of large windows, was cooler but still about 89-90. It was hot. I was hot. Everyone was hot and the huge industrial fan just blew the soggy, swamp-like air around without doing anything. But, even though it was stupid hot out...it made the beverage better. Because of the fact it was barrel proof and the fact that both I and the ambient temperature were so hot...upon drinking the alcohol evaporated almost instantly. Thus, you took a sip of this potent mixture and it instantly turned into an smoky, slightly meaty apple vapor. The nose on it was strong apple and oak from the barrel aging but it hid this deep, murky smoked meat flavor deep within its confines. Upon inhaling this witch's brew, you got straight pork and apples into the lungs and all over the tongue.

It was godlike. That's really all I can say about it. No other words do it justice. If you inhale 55% apple/pork vapor, you'd understand. It's like smelling God's breath.

Unfortunately, there's only one barrel. According to Collin, Project Wilbur (which, despite what they call it on the bottle, I am crossing out with Sharpie and rewriting that on it) isn't suffering too badly from the angel's share but rather heavily from the devil's share: they keep pulling off "test samples" to "reevaluate the project's viability". Which means the bastards are drinking it all before I can get a damn bottle. Hopefully they'll bottle it at cask strength because I think adding water to it will mute the delicate smoke/meat flavors to it. But we'll see.

Another I got to try was their grappa. In Italy, some grappas are made by giving the pomace a boost with sugar water. The Harvest Spirits grappa is washed with apple cider, which gives a delicious duo of faint apple and grape flavors to the final distillate. They want to call it Grapple but due to copyright laws, they can't. I suggest Grapeple. Close enough to get the idea across without them getting sued.

I also got to try Collin's brainchild; a spiced apple port. He pulled some of their fermented cider off of the tanks, added spices, and then halted the fermentation with apple brandy (unaged applejack). The result is, what caused Collin to burst out in a wry smile, pure Christmas. It tastes exactly like a spiced cider but with a significantly higher proof (think 15-20%). It was delicious. I could see it being drank chilled or on the rocks, or as a killer liqueur in drinks. Apparently he's petitioning to see it reach production so if you're thrilled by this idea, I suggest contacting them at info@harvestspirits.com.

Finally, on the even more exciting, wallet-destroying, alcoholic-fire-stoking front, they're thinking about selling growlers, yes GROWLERS of their cider. Collin was gracious enough to pull some of the cider out of the tanks for us to try and it was quite delicious. We tasted it at about 2-3 days of fermentation so it was still very sweet with a growing carbonation (and an ABV of 2~ish) but it had significant promise. They said that if they were going to sell it they'd sell it as an English scrumpy, which means they'd let the fermentation go as long as possible so they'd end up with a dry, higher ABV cider. A quoted price for a half-gallon growler was $7. I wept fat, beading tears of joy.

So that was our day. After our sojourn to Harvest Spirits, my photographer and I decided to stop and browse at Habana Premium Cigar Shop on Central Ave. Here are pics of their ginormous humidor:

I ended up picking up some pretty interesting stuff including this beauty, the La Aurora 107 Robusto:

While I won't put a review up of it (I spent its entire lifetime playing chess in which I put up a valiant effort but ultimately lost), I can say it was deliciously spicy and toasty. Kind of like jalapeno pepper jam on buttered toast. Yum.

Illusione 68 (Bombone) - Wednesday, July 21st

2010-07-21T16:57:00.000-04:00

By some miracle of the gods above (I'm looking at you, Bacchus) the heat and humidity decided to ebb yesterday. Someone up there wanted me to smoke something good. And I definitely did.

I've been chatting/sharing music with Dion Giolito on Twitter (he's Vudu9) for awhile now. It was, however, slightly embarassing that I'd talked with him for so long but never had his cigars. For the longest time, it was pretty hard to find his cigars in the Rhinebeck or Rochester area (with the closest store I was sure of being Albany for both places). I finally made a sojourn to Habana Premium in Albany and picked up a handful of Illusiones to try. I smoked a few at a Herf in Rochester but I didn't take notes. I smoked another at the Uptown Cigar's Cigar-B-Q but I wasn't paying attention. I was busy chatting with Marvin. So yesterday I put in my dues and sat down with an Illusione 68 and the latest copy of Whisky Magazine, my preferred way to review cigars. I do this because, if I just sit there with the cigar, I tend to puff constantly and that makes the cigar burn hot and taste like crap. The magazine actually slows me down and I never really have a problem keeping track of the flavors. So it's a win win. Here's a picture of it:

I decided just to launch into this bad boy so I cut it with the Xikar and lit it up straight off. Here be some notes:

First quarter: Woody, earthy, nutty, and a slightly cayenne-like undertone. Definitely strong on oak with touches of cedar every once and awhile. For a short cigar, it smoked cool and fragrant. A nice beginning.

Half-way: The spice picked up at this point. Not an undertone anymore, it really balanced with the oak. It was almost like a good spicy rye whiskey. A slight touch of new leather came into the fold as well. Definitely a medium-full cigar at this point.

Third quarter: Oak and spice tempered by a nutty sweetness. Hadn't changed much from the half-way point but the balance evened out somewhat. Not too spicy/woody, not too sweet/nutty. This is a cigar that Goldilocks would appreciate. Scratch that; SHOULD appreciate. Screw porridge. Raid Papa Bear's humidor, woman!

All in all, a very nicely balanced cigar with a great burn and some delicious flavors. As far as price point, I think it's a touch expensive in NY but anywhere else it would be a great deal. I blame NY for that. I think I paid about $7 or $8 for it but you can get it for about $5 everywhere else.

Note: Yeah, I know the last two photos aren't stellar. Blame my Kodak Easyshare. For normal pictures it's ok, but for macro it's so terribly fickle it's embarrassing. I want to upgrade to a Canon or a Nikon so I can take better pictures but that's going to have to wait until the future. So bear with.

Tabacos Baez Serie SF - Monday, July 19th

2010-07-19T14:51:00.002-04:00

Last night, for the first time in almost three weeks, it wasn't UNBEARABLY hot. It was still hot (about 85) but the humidity dropped to about 20% and 85 degrees F is a lot better than the mid to low 90s it's been. It was time to have a cigar. As I pawed through the humidor(s), I came across a Tabacos Baez I bought awhile back from Isy at Uptown Cigar.

I feel as if I don't properly respect the Don Pepin Garcia stuff. Everything I've had of his has been, to me, nothing too special. I did like the Blue Label lancero but of the other cigars of his I've had, only the Vegas Cubanas have really struck a chord with me at all. They may just not be my thing but with so many people really loving them...maybe I was just missing something. So this Tabacos Baez sat in the humidor for awhile. I felt it was time to give it some fiery lovin, so to the porch I went.

Pre-light draw was a nice tobacco flavor. Startling not complex but, let's be honest, this cigar has a price tag of $5. See?

That's in New York money. Thanks to our taxes, that's about $.37 everywhere else. I'm not expecting a Dirty Rat for $5.

First quarter: Starts off with a touch of chipotle-like flavor. Definitely spicy, definitely smokey. Little bit of chocolate too. Kinda tastes like that Aztec hot chocolate you can buy but not as strong as that. Woody too, but not overbearingly so. At this point I'd put it at a medium-full~ish.

Half-way. Chocolate and spice bailed. It's really...oaky. Almost like smoking a bourbon but not sweet. Starting to get kinda creamy (both in flavor and smoke viscosity). It's pretty good. Definitely settled back down into a medium smoke.

Third quarter: Pretty consistent with the half-way mark. Still slightly creamy, woody/oaky. Touch of spice comes back. Apparently it left it's wallet. I put it down after this because it started getting bitter. Oh, and it was almost dark out and I was getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.

This finally made me realize why people love Pepin. Aside from the fact that he looks like he'd be the greatest grandpa ever, he makes a damn good cigar. I guess I had to go cheap to figure this out. But I'm Scottish, so I was headed there anyway. I mean, us Scots did invent copper wire. Two of us were fighting over a penny.

Woodchuck Oak Aged and Spring Ciders - Thursday, July 15th

2010-07-15T11:54:00.000-04:00

*Insert me going on, at length, whether you want me to or not, about my love of cider here*

I'm a fan of Woodchuck ciders. They're widely available and, for the most part, quite drinkable. While some of them I'm not too keen on (I'm looking at you, Pear) the Dark and Dry/Amber are classic cider stand-bys when I want cider and I go to the store. The coolest thing is they put out seasonal offerings which tend to tickle my palate. This is a comparison between the Winter and the Spring offerings. Here we go!

Woodchuck Oak Aged (Woodchuck Winter) - Nose is just plain apples. I think there's a predominance of Granny Smith or such because it has that tart, crisp apple smell to it. No oak smell to it at all, which saddens me. I want it to be an oaky bastard. Taste is quite nice though. Woodchuck is a rather sweet cider in its own right (I typically go for the Dark and Dry and even that's a touch sweet for a cider). The oak on this is definitely prominent in the taste and it provides balance to the sweetness. Mmm, this is a nice cider. Pleasantly sweet with a medium bodied oak profile on the finish. The color on it is gorgeous too. It's like an amber ale.

This would be a perfect cider to try out something I've always wanted to try...

The Stonewall Jackson.

The Stonewall Jackson is elegant in its simplicity. It's just cider and bourbon. Reputed to be what the old hard-nosed old bastard of T.J. Stonewall (Thomas Johnathan) used to drink in excess. If it's good enough for a Southern boy then well, shit, I want to try it. Add a touch of Elmer T. Lee here...

Oh...oh gods. Oh man. Oh man...It tastes like victory. Victory, success, and admiration. This must be what they serve to people upon entering Heaven. There's no huge gates up there. It's just St. Peter behind a bar called "The Pearly Gates". When you come in, he checks your mortal tab. If it's not too high, you just start drinking and this is always on special. I...I just want to fill a bathtub with it and wallow in it like a drunken pig. I may wean my future children on this stuff. It's terrific. I have not lauded something this hard ever on this blog. You know it's gotta be good. This Oak Aged NEEDS to be a regular release. It's too good not to be.

Woodchuck Spring Cider: Alright, I don't know what they did to it...but it smells like flowers. I can't remember exactly what flower smells like what but I think it smells like lilly. It's scaring me. It smells like my mom's flower garden. No sign of apples in there, just fresh flowers. Taste is...odd. Flowery and sweet, it kinda tastes like a flower-fordward wildflower honey. It has a buttery component to it and...weirdly enough, kinda tastes like crushed Sweet-Tarts. Jeez, it tastes like flowers too. I dunno about this one. It doesn't taste like cider but rather chewing on flowers drenched in honey after a spring rain.

If that's your bag, go for it but...damn....I don't think I like it. This gets shelved with the Woodchuck Pear for me. I'm not gonna add bourbon to it because in order to make a Stonewall Jackson, you have to start first with cider, not fresh pressed daffodils.

Still <3 you though, Woodchuck.

Dice In The Mirror

2010-07-08T20:50:00.000-04:00

If you will suffer me for a second, I would like to take a page out of Will Smith's book. It won't take long and it won't be too painful. If you're not a fan of Fresh Prince, just bear with because it's some pretty sweet news in the end. So, uh, ok:

"This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.
And I'd like to take a minute, just stay where you are.
I'll tell you how I GET TO GO TO IPCPR."

So, in case you decided to skip that slightly parodic jaunt into 90s sitcom theme songs (probably for the sake of your mental stability), here's the crux of my little ditty (which was not about Jack and Diane):

I'm going to the IPCPR 2010 show. And I will be covering it on my blog.

Currently, I'm debating whether or not I want to cover it live and do reports at the end of the day, every day. This would involve bringing my laptop along which is only "laptop" in the sense that it, in theory, could be placed and operated in a lap without technically killing the user. It's a 17" Dell Inspiron that was built as a desktop replacement so it's rather heavy and awkward to bring places. Much like myself. It weighs about 10 lbs and it's rather ungainly so getting it to New Orleans in one piece without killing several people with it or having to buy it an extra seat on the plane will be a challenge. But, if I do decide to do it, you will be rewarded with sweet, sweet live coverage (as best I can, damn it, I'm footin' the bill here) every night that I'm there.

Also, I will (hopefully) bringing my photographer, which is good. One of the things that I love doing is checking out the photos of the IPCPR. Since I couldn't go, I would leisurely browse the photo banks and dreaming. However, it is damn hard to find IPCPR pictures, so I will make sure as shit to get a lot of them and post them in an easy to find Photobucket album.

As for how this fortuitous chance happened, I simply bow my head gracefully in Marvin Samel's direction and pray that, in exchange, he doesn't have me do his taxes or something. So yes, technically, I will be there under the Drew Estate docket. But fear not! I shall remain as impartial as possible. Even though the Ligas are so damn good. So damn good! Not fair at all.

Yup. I'm IPCPR bound. If you have any suggestions of what to check out, who to talk to, what to see in New Orleans (never been to the Big Easy even though I'm Big and like to take it Easy), or anything else, just drop me a line on my email (check the Contact tab) or post it in the comments below. And maybe I'll see you there. Just look for the short fat kid with the shellshocked look on his face. If I start giggling like an idiot, either smack me or get me a rag soaked in bourbon. Your choice.