RE: Craft Whiskey Isn't Always Better

Maybe by now, if you're as enthused about spirits as I am, you've seen the Slate article come across whatever media you decide to frequent. The Slate article that shares a title with this post. A Slate article that, for pretty much all intents and purposes, knocks around craft distilling something righteous and fearful. An article that says things like:

In America’s evolving whiskey landscape, however, smaller isn’t necessarily better. Some excellent craft whiskies have emerged in recent years, but the distilleries responsible for big names like Wild Turkey, Jim Beam, and Four Roses make whiskeys that a surprisingly high number of microdistilleries struggle to match.

Or:

Even the most basic offerings from many big distilleries—brands like Buffalo Trace, Jim Beam Black, and Wild Turkey 101—are excellent products that I find more complex than many craft products that are much more expensive. Higher-end products from these same big distilleries—Eagle Rare Single Barrel, Knob Creek, and Russell’s Reserve—are very hard to compete with, especially at the prices they charge.

It's ruffled some feathers. Some dander is up, it's true. But not mine. And it's not because I don't feel threatened by it or that I think it's borderline satire.

It's because I agree with it.

This isn't to say that I'm cut my roots and have shackled myself to the big boys. Don't worry, I love craft distillers. But the article itself crops up a LOT of good points that I feel that small distillers should take to heart. And I'm going to go through them, one by one.

Non Distiller Producers

I love Smooth Ambler. I think it's fantastic. I like High West. I could drink their Campfire until my eyes bleed. And I appreciate the fact that they are pretty open with the fact that, yes, that isn't really their product. It's product they've bought and bottled under their label. And I'm fine with that. Good whiskey and truth, what's not to like? If you're looking for more information on this, go check out Chuck Cowdery's post on it. He sums it up nicely.

What I don't like is people that DON'T let consumers know what their buying. That's just dishonest and it gives not just yourself but the industry itself a bad name. Be up front. Be honest. Don't become the proverbial snake oil salesman here. If you believe that you have a good product, let it speak for itself, regardless of where it comes from. If people like it, they won't care that it came from another distillery. They won't care as long as when they put their lips to the glass it is tasty. But to make a brand out of purchased whiskey and pass it off as the blood, sweat, and tears of labor in your budding distillery...that's just heartbreaking. And it makes your life difficult. Now that there's a whiskey shortage, how do you explain to people why your whiskey tastes so radically different? And if people find out that you are bottling something someone else made, what makes you think that they'll give you a chance when you start releasing your own product? Good brands are built upon trust.

Aging Your Product

This is probably my favorite quote from the entire thing:

For whiskey startups operating on shoestring budgets, four years is an eternity to wait before earning revenue. Many have attempted to dodge this obstacle by selling younger whiskies or attempting to quickly extract wood flavors by using smaller barrels, wood chips, ultrasound machines, pressure cookers, and even by playing loud bass music to agitate the whiskey. Upstart distilleries say these techniques do for their whiskeys in a matter of months what otherwise takes years.

Guys...stop. Just...just stop. Every time I hear of some small distiller thinking that they've found the Rosetta stone of fast aging, I die a little bit on the inside. Trust me. You CANNOT. SPEED. UP. AGING. Things take time. Chemical processes need to happen. Evaporation, esterification, ethanolysis...these things don't happen overnight. Or over-week. Or over-month. Think over-year. No matter how much you pressurize and agitate and saturate with wood...your spirit will not age faster. I'm sorry. So please stop claiming that the techniques you're using make your whiskey just as old as commercial stuff. It makes us, again, look bad. To be sure, there is a niche market for these kinds of whiskies. Heavy wood profiles can make for interesting cocktails and pair extremely well with cigars. People DO buy them. But don't exclaim that they are the same as a Jim Beam Black. Please don't. Don't feel the need to compare to commercial products. Be your own product.

Why Craft Whiskey Isn't Always Better

Here's the one I'm assuming everyone will get angry at me for. I've tasted a lot of pretty solid craft whiskey. I've tasted some amazing craft whiskey. I've tasted some bad craft whiskey. And that was from just one producer. I've run the gamut of whiskey available from the craft distilling world and it is as varied as can be. Sometimes, this is a good thing. Like vintages of wine, some batches are better than others and that is certainly a drawing point for some. But for a lot of other people, it's not.

A long time ago, I was drinking with friends one night and I professed that I liked Bud. They all started ragging on me at that point. "How can you like that swill?" "I thought you had better taste than that." Blah blah blah. They ragged on me for a bit until I explained why. I like Bud because...no matter where you go in the country, in the continent, hell, in the world...you order a Bud and you get a Bud. You don't get something that tastes sorta like Bud. You get a Bud. It may not be the best out there but it is consistent. And being consistent is much, much, MUCH harder than anyone gives it credit for. To be able to reach for a bottle of Booker's or Old Granddad or Redbreast and have it taste exactly the same is not only impressive from a distillers point of view...but it's comforting from a consumer's point of view. Sometimes I want to try something new, different, exciting and I'm willing to pay for it. But I don't want to try something new, different, and exciting EVERY time. The craft distilling movement has major troubles with consistency. Whether it's by choice or it's by just figuring out what we're doing...it's a problem. I'm sorry but it just is. And until we can safely put out product that, no matter who grabs it or when they grab it, it tastes the same...it will BE a problem.

To those that have said that this is a horribly written, wrong article, I humbly disagree. It is a well-written article in my eyes that points out problems in the craft community that we should be addressing. If we can successfully address these problems in a positive manner, it will give us all the more credence in the distilling industry. If we can't, I believe that it will significantly hinder us. But that's just me running my mouth as usual.

Convalescence Plans And Charity Gaming

Last Friday, I met with my doctor. And, wouldn't you know it, the ol' Spolverino Luck kicked in. I was (not very) politely informed that the surgeries I'd been having had...for lack of a better phrase...a shelf life. They could only be done so many times before they had to do major open surgery. I was less than enthused. So what went from "well, I can grin and bear this for another two months" turned into "I may be recovering for six months and will have a wonderful variety of medical procedures to do while I'm recovering".

Needless to say, whatever can't go wrong, will, and it will. Catastrophically.

So as I stare down the barrel of an exploratory surgery this Thursday, I've been thinking to myself...what can I do during my convalescence? The doctors frown heavily on drinking during recovery. I might be able to get away with doing some reviews of the spirit samples I have (as they are usually 50-100ml samples). I will be doing cigar/pipe/medwakh reviews as well. But I can't smoke every moment of the day. Well...I CAN...but I can't imagine doing that for every waking moment for two to six months.

So I turn to what I normally do. Video games. For me, video games are an anxiety relief. Escapism means I don't have to think about what I'm going through or what I have to go through. I just focus on what's on the screen. I have a wide variety of games that I could play but that doesn't really involve the IWB readers. So I've devised a plan.

I will play games for (semi) charity.

I say semi charity because, frankly, I am going to have massive bills to pay. I've been unemployed since the last time I've had this surgery. So, as much as I hate to say it, part of the proceeds will have to help me pay my hospital bills, doctors bills, prescription costs, and equipment costs. Can't do much about that. But what I CAN do is donate the rest to charity. The first charity I'll be donating to is the National Kidney Foundation.
They rate very well in terms of charities. See here for a whole work-up on them by the Charity Navigator. I'm sure you know by now that my kidneys are not fantastic, with "not fantastic" being a rather strong understatement. If I could, I would love to help everyone everywhere to have new kidneys. But until the manage to make kidneys out of thin air...I don't think I can do that. BUT WE CAN HELP FUND THAT RESEARCH. So the NKF is a charity I'm throwing my enormous girth behind.

The other charity that I'd like to support is probably not well known by you but is near and dear to my heart. I have, since I was two weeks old, been having all of my surgeries (well, technically, 25/27) at Westchester Medical Hospital in Valhalla, NY.

That's right, I've visited Valhalla and have returned. I'm the craziest Viking ever. So I will also be making donations to them because they have supported me since I was born and pretty much helped me live. Okay, DEFINITELY helped me live.

Now, these are 501c3 charities but, sadly, I am not so you can't exactly write this off. But I will be VERY transparent about this. Everything will be split in half. Half to my needs (until the point at which I stop needing it), half to charity. I will do weekly/bi-weekly analysis costs and make them available to you. IF I make excessive amounts of money (which I'm guessing I won't), then I will donate everything but what I need to charity. Examples for clarity:

Let's say I need $600.
I earn $50. $25 goes to me, $25 goes to charity.
I earn $200. $100 goes to me, $100 to charity.
I earn $3000. $600 goes to me, $2400 to charity.

I'm not hear to EARN money. I just want to keep from digging the debt hole deeper than it already is. It's mainly about donating to charity. I hope you can understand my mentality. If you want further explanation...just email me.

I will be using Twitch.tv (for some reason it just lists me as Justin.tv so I dunno what the deal is with that). The link is here. I will also be Tweeting about video games, incessantly, on my other Twitter channel, bacchus_plays. So if you want to support me...and good causes, here's how to do it. Follow, subscribe, and give me feedback (WHICH YOU GUYS ARE NOT FANTASTIC AT). If you have any recommendations on HOW to stream...I'm all ears. Ideally...free is cool. I might go for the Adobe program or the Open Broadcaster Software. Also, if you've got any questions, comments, concerns, or games that I should probably play...let me know. I've got a huge Steam list but it can always get bigger. I will be playing a variety of first person shooters, real time strategy, some massive multiplayer's (FFXI and maybe WoW, depending)...

Oh, and whatever the hell you classify Minecraft as. Not sure WHAT it is, other than "Creeper Explosion Simulator 2: The Enrage-ening."

EDIT: I have added a new charity as well. It is this one:



By all intents and purposes, I am disabled. I meet most of the government definitions. I never consider myself disabled because I guess I feel like there are so many more out there that deserve the title of "disabled" more than I do. But its true. When I read the website...I cried. I dunno if its the Percocets I'm on for the pain or the leftover anesthesia or WHAT...but it hit so close to home I cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it. It's been a wearying few days so maybe that's it. Video games have always helped me escape. I escape pain, discomfort, situations with no silver linings in sight. I can be who I want to be: a powerful wizard or a savvy spy or a noble soldier....instead of a fat kid with PTSD and terrible kidneys. So I will be supporting this charity as well. The charity will be a three way split. If the value doesn't work out, I'll put up a vote on to who gets the extra. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to playing Minecraft.

State of the Blog(ger)

"Men weary as much of not doing the things they want to do as of doing the things they do not want to do." - Eric Hoffer

Edit: The first draft of this read like a LiveJournal circa 2003. This is the second draft. You're welcome. Trust me.

Our family, the Spolverinos, have what we like to call "Spolverino Luck." It's pretty much like Murphy's Law but with a slight addendum. Murphy's Law is "Whatever can go wrong, will." Spolverino Luck is "Whatever can go wrong, will. Whatever can't go wrong, can go wrong, and it will. Catastrophically." At this point in scientific process it has evolved past a postulate, migrated beyond theory, and has almost become law. We're just waiting on data to come back from several trials that had to be independently validated by a non-partial third party. We expect this to become a law within the year.

I mention this to you now on the eve of one of my least favorite holidays, the Festival of Surgeons. Tomorrow I'm scheduled to go down to my doctor and have a gamut of tests done that are not exactly comfortable only to tell me what I already know. I know my body. I know what's wrong and I know it's gonna need to be fixed by opening the hood and rooting around. My body a late 80s Honda that's been held onto too long. To start it you need to hit the dash three times with a hammer, recline the seat, and then touch wires together at the bottom of the steering column...all while humming Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant."

I'm just about used to it by now. So far I've averaged 1.08 surgeries a year for my entire life. I'm just starting to realize that I will probably never get to spend my tax refund check on anything fun or anything new but rather paying off hospital bills, wetting the beaks of doctors, and old man bro-ing out at pharmacies. This is also coupled with the fact that I lost my job around the same time last year because of the exact same surgery I'm going to need again. Two years running. I should get a trophy or something. I've had no real income for the past year (I finally got unemployment in September but I'm barely making loan and expense payments) and being out recovering from surgery means that I am "unable to work" and will subsequently lose my unemployment. I could apply for disability but that only nets me $200 a month which is about a quarter of what I need. Whee. Like I said, Spolverino Luck.

To put it lightly, I'm tired. Physically, yeah, I guess. Mentally I'm exhausted. I can compare my anxiety these days to someone playing a musical saw. Unnatural, high frequency, and oscillating in the oddest of ways. Sometimes I feel alright and I'm able to do things. Other days I pop my anxiety medicine like it's a Pez dispenser and just sit in my room staring blankly at walls...or the inside of my eyelids.

I know, I know. I don't write. I know I SHOULD be writing but I'll be damned if I have the motivation. I generally only have it in me to wake up, make a few cups of coffee, smoke a few cigarettes, and then escape for the rest of the day. I use video games primarily to escape and, while it keeps me sane, it leaves little room for anything else. And if I do get the bug to do a review (which, as I'm sure you know, is rare), I usually end up writing half of it and then let it languish in the stagnant pond that is "drafts" on Blogger. I've got about 20-25 reviews that I just don't have the heart to back-fill with the inane chatter I love putting into my posts but I also don't have the heart to just post them as is because that's just boring. For awhile I thought that I was tiring of booze and writing about it and talking about it and thinking about it...but that's not true. Attending ADI filled me with just a maelstrom of passion and energy about what I do. Granted, it was quickly consumed in the ever-raging fires of anxiety...but it's not like my interest has waned in any way. It is, as the quote by Eric Hoffer states, the weariness of not doing what I want to do for the past year coupled with the weariness of having to do what I don't want to do now.

Don't worry, however. I still have ALL the samples that I've been sent, in various states of cognizance of location. I don't throw booze away...that's sacrilegious. They are all safe, sound, and whole awaiting final judgement by my maw. But until I can get motivated, they will stay unmolested and dormant in my cellars until I call upon them.

I'm not going away, I'm just being quiet as I have been. Just wanted to drop you an update so you don't worry about me. If you'd like to help me (can't fathom why you would), send me emails/tweets/etc. of what you want me to review, to talk about, to analyze. I love reader feedback and I don't get terribly much. So help me get out of this rut and send me some sweet emails. Let's work on this together.

"Life is one long process of getting tired." - Samuel Butler

U.S. Airways Sucks

I've followed the news. I'm not a completely ignorant man. I know that, awhile back U.S. Airways filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. I also know that, recently, there was a judge approved merger for American Airlines and U.S. Airways. But one thing I couldn't understand was...why did they fail in the first place?

To be fair, the economy is bad. I'll give it that. And post-9/11...flights have gone down. But what could have made such big companies, such cornerstones of the flight industry...financially collapse.

Then I flew with them. And I understood.

U.S. Airways is nothing like it used to be. It used to be a decent airline, back when I was a kid. Now, through subtle, shady practices...it's become a shell of it's former glory. Okay...shell is a strong word. It's more along the lines of "dog feces and old meat in a paper bag, lit on fire, stomped out, and then left in the Texas sun for three days".

Why the bitterness? The hostility. Well, in the words of the Aristocats...allow me to elucidate.

I am, as we speak, getting ready to fly to the ADI conference in Denver. I booked the tickets for the flights through U.S. Airways more than a month ago. Valentine's day, to be exact. Here's the proof:

U.S. Airways, being the kind and generous souls they are, decided it was more than appropriate to take my money for said tickets. See?:

And I couldn't fault them. I had seats set and I was happy dandy. Bear in mind, these flights were for MORE THAN A MONTH AWAY. One month, two weeks, two days, to be precise. I HAD SEATS:

So when I got the call to finalize things, everything was hunky dory. I went to test out the "check-in" section and got a Runtime error. Not fantastic so I contacted them on Twitter. I asked what the deal was and if they could confirm my seats (I didn't actually have a seat for the return flight). They sent me to their website to confirm the seats. Buuuuut...when I got to the U.S. Airways website, I was greeted to this:

WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK? WHAT DO YOU MEAN CHOOSE SEATS?! I DID THAT OVER A MONTH AGO.

As you can see by that picture...there are no regular seats. Apparently someone needed my seat more than I did and got it. Who knew, right? So this means two things. I could:

A) Pay extra for seats.
B) Get my seat at the counter.

Now, bear in mind a couple things. First thing is that I already paid for these tickets. They TOOK MY MONEY. They took it from my account and its theirs. Second...the plane itself. Let me put the De Haviland Dash 8 100 Turboprop into perspective. Here is the seating chart:

Thanks for backing me up, Seatguru.com

You may note something. This is not a large plane. It's not even a medium plane. Or a medium-small plane. This is a Kid's Extra Small plane. It seats 37 and "seats 37" means "37 bodies can be, in theory, Tetris'd into this plane and you will get there with mostly everything attached". Here's the interior:

Courtesy of Colin Zuppicich and Airliners.net

Now...if it isn't blatantly clear to you at this point...there is NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING "Choice" about those seats. The back row of this plane is pretty much three seats bolted to the wall like a bench seat. It's a glorified public bus with wings.


So let's get back to where I was...I could do two things:

A) Pay for the "choice" seats (NOT. CHOICE. AT. ALL.)
B) Get my seat at the counter.

I talked to the U.S. Airways people on Twitter, through private message. I asked if I was guaranteed a seat at the counter because, y'know, I paid for this shit and everything. Their response?

I'm sorry. What? So let me get this straight. You can't guarantee I'll get a seat, even though I paid for it over a month ago, BORDERING on two months. Instead, you decide that it'll be a good idea to put me between a rock and my wallet: either show up at the ass-crack of dawn and pray to the gods above that I can get a seat to make my connection to get to Denver and get to the conference...or shell out MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I shelled out the money for the piece of mind. It was probably the hardest $41 I've ever spent. And dammit, I want it back. And the worst part is is that as soon as I get to that goddamn gate, I'm going to have to shell over $50 just to check my bag. Because everyone can fit their clothing for almost a week in Denver in a carry-on.

So...now...the light has come on. The bulb has flickered to life and I get it. The general shitty attitude of all airlines has put them in the place their in now. Continuing to inconvenience travelers for profit means people will go elsewhere. Honestly, I'd say that this would be my last time on U.S. Airways...if it wasn't the only goddamn carrier out of Stewart worth a damn. So I'm stuck with them. Let me reiterate here, even though I'm probably preaching to the hundred thousand strong choir:

U.S. Airways sucks both figuratively and literally (the money out of my goddamn wallet).

Consulting!

Refer to video above. Watch it. Let it soak in. ABSORB IT. Except the "bad news" parts. Those you can ignore for now. Now that you're properly prepared for the good news, in a traditional Farnsworth style...

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE!

I'm now a consultant at large for the alcoholic beverage industry. Well...I shortly will be. I'm waiting to fill out some paperwork at the county clerk's office so I can get a swanky name and a business account. But yes, I am consulting.

You may have noticed (or probably not) me sneakily add in the tab above that says "consulting". Yes, I will be available for consulting for all of your alcoholic beverage needs. It's been a long time coming, really. I'm still ironing a few kinks out, double checking things, crossing I's and dotting T's (waaaait) but it looks like it's going to happen.

It's been a long time coming, too. I've been pondering over this decision for about six months now, wondering if it's something that I can make work and can afford to do. But the ultimate decision came down to one thing:

It's what I WANT to do.

You don't know me, really. You've never hung out with me ad nauseum like my friends have. So subsequently, you don't know how hard I NERD OUT to booze. Like...embarrassingly so. My friends, I'm pretty sure, feel tinges of shame every time I do it. I go to Stockade Tavern and browse the back bar and begin rattling off formula information, legal definitions, obscure cocktails they go into, and my thoughts on them. It happens every damn time. And...I'm not ashamed of it. I genuinely love doing it. I love to share what I've garnered with the world. I mean, I don't know everything. I can't profess to being an expert. Even if others would consider me an expert I still wouldn't consider myself an expert. You call yourself an expert when you stop learning. And I never want to do that. So I figured it was time to share my unbridled enthusiasm with the world. And to be paid to do what I do anyway, well...that's just icing on the cake.

So! Over the next few weeks I will be getting all of my ducks in a row, getting the necessary paperwork filled out so I can be all fancypants and such, and I will be open to consulting offers should you or anyone you know need them. I will, once I get things worked out, be purchasing a domain and making another website that will have my CV on it and such. Don't worry, it won't affect anything here. If anything, I'll probably be posting more! Although, frankly, I don't think I could be posting less. Stay tuned over the next few weeks to that little Consulting button and hopefully we'll be able to work together in the future, immediate or otherwise.

PS: If you know anyone that needs some distilling help, let them know about Bacchus. Bacchus likes consult-ies.