The Fat B's

I realize that I talk an awful lot about what I drink and not really about myself. In an effort to open myself up to my readers, I figured I'd talk about my likes. Here's a small list:

Beer
Bourbon
Blues
Bowling
Books
Bioshock (1 and 2)
Billiards
Charles Bukowski
Robin Hobb
Beef brisket
Burritos
Baja Blast Mountain Dew
Bowls of soup
Combustibles
Blades

This is just a small sampling of things that I like but hopefully you get the general idea. There's a lot of B's in what I like. This is a problem for me. Why?

I'm a fatty.

I freely admit it, no qualms. I know I'm fat. I'm not proud of it but I'm comfortable enough with it that I can own up to it. I don't wear grossly inappropriate clothing in a vain attempt of delusion that yes, I am thin and svelte like a supermodel. I'm husky. I'm healthy. I'm fluffy. I don't enjoy it but I don't cop out on it. It's who I am. I'd argue, in some cases, that I wear it well considering my actual weight. But I am a little butterball, it's true. Some days my pant size is bigger than my IQ. That's right, that's a double sick burn. That's the "burning a candle at both ends" kind of burn. It's beautiful.

Anyway, as to why this is a problem. My friend Ryan (who will soon be getting his very own tag on the website due to his intrinsic nature) and I were talking on the way to getting Taco Bell to soothe the savage beast that is hunger. After deciding on my usual order (the $5 box with a bean burrito, hard taco, and a Baja Blast) we ended up on the topic of "The Fat B's". Illustrated below is the explanation of "The Fat Bs" or "B-Word Fat", courtesy of Comedy Central and the amazing Patton Oswalt (NSFW):

Jokes.com
Patton Oswalt - B Word Fat
comedians.comedycentral.com
Read Patton Oswalt's biography Watch Patton Live at the New York Comedy Festival Find more from this comedian in the Shop.

So now you know. The list above is a deadly indicator of my phat/fatness level. Heaven forbid, one day I will be inexplicably ousted by the things I love. Perish the though that one day I'll have to come up with alternate words for the things I hold so dear. Seriously, how can I come up with another word for bourbon and blues? Southern Sauce and sad songs? That'd just sound like a gas leak after awhile. Too many S's. Anyway, this is just a small insight into my life and how my brain functions (or doesn't) on a daily basis. The more you know...

Extra credit: After watching the Patton Oswalt thing, go back and read through this entire post and fill in every word with a B in it with a fat B.