Monday, March 1, 2010

The Fat B's

I realize that I talk an awful lot about what I drink and not really about myself. In an effort to open myself up to my readers, I figured I'd talk about my likes. Here's a small list:

Bioshock (1 and 2)
Charles Bukowski
Robin Hobb
Beef brisket
Baja Blast Mountain Dew
Bowls of soup

This is just a small sampling of things that I like but hopefully you get the general idea. There's a lot of B's in what I like. This is a problem for me. Why?

I'm a fatty.

I freely admit it, no qualms. I know I'm fat. I'm not proud of it but I'm comfortable enough with it that I can own up to it. I don't wear grossly inappropriate clothing in a vain attempt of delusion that yes, I am thin and svelte like a supermodel. I'm husky. I'm healthy. I'm fluffy. I don't enjoy it but I don't cop out on it. It's who I am. I'd argue, in some cases, that I wear it well considering my actual weight. But I am a little butterball, it's true. Some days my pant size is bigger than my IQ. That's right, that's a double sick burn. That's the "burning a candle at both ends" kind of burn. It's beautiful.

Anyway, as to why this is a problem. My friend Ryan (who will soon be getting his very own tag on the website due to his intrinsic nature) and I were talking on the way to getting Taco Bell to soothe the savage beast that is hunger. After deciding on my usual order (the $5 box with a bean burrito, hard taco, and a Baja Blast) we ended up on the topic of "The Fat B's". Illustrated below is the explanation of "The Fat Bs" or "B-Word Fat", courtesy of Comedy Central and the amazing Patton Oswalt (NSFW):
Patton Oswalt - B Word Fat
Read Patton Oswalt's biographyWatch Patton Live at the New York Comedy FestivalFind more from this comedian in the Shop.

So now you know. The list above is a deadly indicator of my phat/fatness level. Heaven forbid, one day I will be inexplicably ousted by the things I love. Perish the though that one day I'll have to come up with alternate words for the things I hold so dear. Seriously, how can I come up with another word for bourbon and blues? Southern Sauce and sad songs? That'd just sound like a gas leak after awhile. Too many S's. Anyway, this is just a small insight into my life and how my brain functions (or doesn't) on a daily basis. The more you know...

Extra credit: After watching the Patton Oswalt thing, go back and read through this entire post and fill in every word with a B in it with a fat B.

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